Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

[encour]

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

Was this when he pulled off your headscarf, which is incredibly poor?

Do you have friends/family nearby? Think I’d transfer any available money, grab your stuff and get out. Another 3 weeks does not sound sustainable.

Clean the toilet with his toothbrush

Leave him completely please don't become a future murder victim. Men like this don't always know when to stop with violence and it may end very badly for you.

Leave him. Fly back alone earlier if you can do so safely. He is a bully and a abuser.
Make sure if you leave him him you go to a place of safety. Then get a solicitor and get a fair settlement. Best of luck you deserve better than this vile creature.

How dare he treat you like that. If you don't want to do an activity say no and stick tp your decision. He sounds a complete arse. Does he have any redeeming features?

Did you post before when he pulled the item of local dress off you OP? I think I remember reading it. Why are you still with this pillock?

My exh ramped up the sly abuse when we were away. It was our last holiday. He pushed ghe buggy and rammed it up my legs or over my feet .kept going and never apologised or let the dc hang back waiting for me.

@Madamefroufrou

as divorce is so much easier when there are no children involved - no discussion re 50/50, no CMS etc

So he's got form for this already and it's not just him being tired and trying to do too much.

Just how tired and sick of this are you? Enough to book the next available flight home on your own and leave him to it? Are you in a position and the right head space to tell him to fuck off and do exactly that?

Admittedly it probably would put an end to your relationship but it sounds like you couldn't be any worse off.

Edited as reread the number of days you'd been on holiday.

Doesnt sound like you have children so why are you still with him? Do you own a house together? What family support do you have? Do you normally work and if so what is stopping you leaving him?

I would quietly and without fuss book a flight home, pack my stuff and leave him there. I wouldn’t warn him and certainly wouldn’t give him a chance to book the same flight with me. He’s a nasty abusive bully.

Then I would go and see a solicitor when I got home to find out what my financial entitlement is likely to be in a divorce, and then either change the locks or move out. Have the papers waiting for him and a proposed financial split by the time he gets back.

It’s over, he doesn’t like you and is just waiting for you to snap. You constantly trying to please him instead of standing up for yourself has meant that he’s lost all respect for you. It’s not in any way your fault but you need to get rid of him and move on.

Please... Just get out of this marriage ASAP, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Get out before any children arrive.

The activity was golf wasn't it.

He's a bully. The fact that you don't realise this means that you are used to his behaviour.

Do you even need to ask if YABU, he is abusive, now trying to be nice. Go home and look for a good divorce lawyer. Holidays are meant to be a nice time, don’t put up with it.

Can you leave the holiday and go home? Have you got transport and money to do this? Or is there another safe place you can go to - parents/sibling/friends?

Honestly OP he sounds dreadful and you sound like you are living in fear and walking on eggshells. No one deserves to live like that. You are so worthy of much better. The fact that he is now asking for a cuddle tells me he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong.

Be brave OP. There are some lovely people on here who will have some fantastic advice for you - ducks in a row etc - please reach out.

To be honest it sounds like he hates you. I wouldn’t take it personally, he probably hates all women.

Can you come home early?

From what you've posted, it sounds like he despises you.

Truthfully, I think you've got much more than a holiday to worry about.

I'd feign a migraine/upset stomach and let him go off tomorrow... then book a flight home.

I would be booking the first plane home. This so unacceptable and definitely not fair on you.

Men like this only see women as being good for one thing. Other than that they seem to hate them. Yours is one of these men.

I flew home from a trip like this. Once someone gets a thrill from abusing you in public, and knows people are looking, and he’s getting away with it, it will get worse.
I can remember it like it was yesterday. He disappeared for two days, came back, and locked me in our hotel room to ask me questions about my past. Over and over again.
That was it. When I got home he sent me flowers, honestly the fact that this man has abused you and is asking for cuddles makes me sick.
To abuse you in your place of worship adds another layer of vileness, knowing other worshippers could see. He is enjoying humiliating you and you are not safe.
Get your credit card and your passport and come home. I did when he was asleep and that was it.

I would immediately book myself onto the next flight home and sneak off
and start organising divorce

Get on a flight back home and speak to a solicitor about divorce options.

This was just so sad to read.

I had the rage reading that. I’m not a violent person by nature by what he did in that church….
Horrendous.