Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

[encour]

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

How long have you been married to this abusive arsehole?

He is abusive, this is classic controlling behaviour. Pushing you to make decisions eg where to eat so that he can then criticise them. Making you do activities you don’t enjoy so that he can then claim you ruined it for him by not being enthusiastic enough. Negging you at every opportunity and then physically assaulting you. And now offering you crumbs of affection just to wrong foot you and stop you from realising how awful he is.

It will never get better. I learned this the hard way.

I’d be on the next plane home.

A holiday with an abuser is not a holiday, just a variety of new ways for the man to abuse you while you're trapped.

You are not trapped though. Book a flight home and start the divorce, life's too short to be around some shitty bloke who hates you.

There isn't a holiday in the world worth staying on with this man.

What's your home situation like? Do you work? Can you afford to support yourself? If so I'd be on the next plane back and making arrangements.

There is no way that I would be using three weeks+ of my annual leave and money on a holiday with him. It does not sound relaxing, fun and enjoyable. He sounds unpleasant, abusive and cold.

I got fed up of that sick / butterfly feeling that you get in your stomach, ignoring bad behaviour in order to keep the peace, tiptoeing, feeling grateful when there was a glimmer of normality. It didn't just occur on holiday but was worse somehow when we were away.

It isn't happening on holiday because I holiday alone and love it, it isn't ever happening in my house because I won't live with another man full time.

Life is too short and there are better, happier and more fulfilling times to be had. Please please book a flight home. Do not waste anymore time with him.

If you’re in a country where women have equal rights and you’re free to leave without him and where police will support you if push comes to shove, then Id leave. If not, keep as safe as possible until home, then do so.

Why are you asking if you can visit a religious place of relation and interest to you?

Them he assaulted you within it.

Another saying get a flight home and move away (call woman’s aid needed) so he cannot abuse you further when he returns.

Wait till he's asleep, grab what you need and get a flight home.

Start the divorce on touchdown.

Stop centering him so much and pandering to him. Focus on yourself, its your holiday too! You're not his sidekick

He is an abusive bullying Twat. Honestly, I would quietly book a flight home as I could not endure another 3 weeks of that behaviour.

Sending you support OP💐

He’s abusive, you need to have a serious conversation with him if you’re not willing to end it, and make it clear this is never to happen again/

at no point in your op have you discussed your reaction or what you said, other than you nearly cried.

This is not the man to waste your life on.

This isn't the first time he has abused you - make it the last.

They feel powerful and self regulate by punishing and demeaning, particularly if they see happiness eg holidays, wedding, nice events
They invent " wrong doing" so they can inflict this on their partners
Its Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I hope you listen to what's been said here and get away from him.

Can you get an early flight home ,just on your own. Leave without telling him😂

What an odious man.

I would not have a relationship with someone like this.

He actually sounds very nasty @encour
Please be very careful, is there someone who can help you get away from him

It sounds like you don't have children together? Please get out of this marriage now! If you get pregnant by this man, he will almost certainly become much more abusive than he already is, as he will know it will be harder for you to leave.

He sounds like the typical kind of guy who wants out of his relationship, gets grumpy and moody and nasty, but won't have the b...s to end it himself. Just leave, OP, this is going nowhere and you cannot stay with someone like him.
Can you either fly home now, or leave and go somewhere else in your holiday destination country, then fly home with the ticket you have? 🌸

"WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty."

I have to agree with so many other MNers here - leave. Leave the holiday, and when you get home, leave the marriage. The head-pushing IS very nasty. Get away from him ASAP.

He probably thinks that he owns you and can treat you however he wants. Giving him some distance could help, he needs to understand that he can lose you. Try to keep your independence and respect.

“Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship …”.
He sounds awful and you’ve just been given the extra evidence that you need to turn your doubts into positive action!
You deserve so much better than this. He’s treating you appallingly- tiredness, jet lag, and the rest are no excuse for being vile. In fact, there are no excuses whatsoever for his behaviour.

Please, book a flight home and leave him for good. X

I was married to someone like this for nearly 20 years.

I couldn't believe how great life was once I left him.

I hope you didn't fall for that line about "wanting a cuddle" 😫

Lovely, these are the things he deems acceptable to do in public. He’s seeing where your boundaries are and will do worse. He’s is using you as his servant and of course he’s being nice when he wants grown up time.