AIBU to be upset my husband lied about his flight being overbooked?

[OrangeSlices998]

Need some perspective on this and whether my head needs a wobble.

So me and DH have been together for 10 years, we have 3 kids together. We met in London and moved to a small town for his work after our first DC was born.

Recently he went away for a planned lads holiday to Malaga with his uni mates as they’re all turning 40. I don’t know the mates well, they all bar 1 came to the wedding, one was his best man who was incredibly drunk and didn’t do the best speech due to this. I’m only mentioning this because heavy drinking is the norm when these guys get together.

They went to Spain for 4 days, due to fly back on Sunday lunchtime. Originally he had booked to come back on a flight to get him home for 7pm, I had said that was later than I thought he would be back. He then booked a different flight that would have him home for 4pm - this is important.

I didn’t hear from DH much at all, I hadn’t expected to tbh because he was with his friends although it would have been nice to have the odd text checking in as the kids were being very hard work! On Saturday he phoned from his mates phone to tell me he had been mugged the previous evening, he was very drunk and got pushed over and his phone stolen. He thankfully wasn’t hurt and nothing else was stolen. I asked him to buy a cheap phone while he was out there so he wasn’t impossible to reach, I had his mates number but that’s it. I was not having the best time with the kids, they were being very hard work and the crap weather and no car didn’t help.

Saturday lunchtime we speak and I told him what a rough time I was having, the kids were being unusually difficult and I was exhausted. He made sympathetic noises, the call ended. I survived the day (!) and Sunday came. DH hadn’t bought a phone, he called me from his mates phone at about 10ish local time and told me he was heading to the airport shortly (flight departed 12pm local time).

4pm rolled around, not home. Check arrivals, flight landed and he had only hand luggage but traffic etc. 5pm, nothing. 6pm, nothing. I start getting worried, where is he? Is he okay? Did he get on the flight? Did something happen? We live 30-40 minutes from the airport, no traffic showing. I try contacting his friend just to make sure there hadn’t been any issues in Spain, he doesn’t answer. Go out for a walk with the kids as I’m anxious and on edge. Get home at 7.30pm and he walks in about 7.45pm. Says he had to get the second flight of the 2 he booked, the first one was overbooked.

I’m confused now because why didn’t he just call/text me to tell me? I had spent half the afternoon worrying for nothing! His friend had been at the airport with him for a bit, why not just let me know? I was annoyed about this as I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have just got in touch as he knew I was expecting him on the first flight. I’m just confused because nothing is making sense. DH keeps repeating the story, flight overbooked and I asked what he did while waiting, he said he was just sat in the airport waiting for the second flight. I asked him why he didn’t try to reach me somehow, there would have been ways.

His friend comes back to me on Monday and says DH’s flight was after his and there were no issues. Now I’m more confused because that would mean DH friends flight was before 12pm but I spoke to him at 10am local time and they weren’t at the airport. I called DH on this and said BULLSHIT I think you and your mates decided you coming home on the first flight ruined the fun so you decided to just not get on the first flight and didn’t tell me because you knew I’d be annoyed.

Eventually he admits yes. He had got to the airport for the first flight and didn’t want to leave so he decided fuck it I’ll get the later flight and knew I’d be pissed so didn’t tell me. Had a couple more beers with his mates till they all got their flights and then he got the later one and decided to tell me the first one was overbooked.

I am very hurt by this. Am I being a dick? He knew I had had a tough weekend, he knew I was exhausted, he knew I thought he would be back earlier and he knew I’d be hurt he opted not to get back sooner (I appreciate it’s only a few hours) and decided to lie to me and keep lying. As far as I know he’s never done anything like this before he’s usually a shit liar and wears his heart on his sleeve. We’ve been through a lot together and I really am hurt by it.

I’m less bothered by the fact he had had a lovely time with mates and didn’t want the holiday to end versus the lying to me and not communicating to me, knowing I hadn’t had the easiest weekend. It just feels out of character.

AIBU?

You seem very reasonable. He lied and I understand why you feel let down. Can you tell him how you feel?

You are not being unreasonable.

And if the flight was never booked in the first place, then he’s still lying to you.

Ask him to see the credit card transaction, receipt and booking email for the 4pm flight. If he booked it, there’ll be evidence. He might be able to say he’s lost one piece of evidence, but not all three. I’d push this, lying isn’t acceptable.

He's already lied to you once and then denied it repeatedly for hours about it being overbooked. It’s important to know if he’s still lying to you.

Casual lies to me from my husband, on top of more lies after already being caught out in one lie, would be more important than all the other stuff.

And as far as not telling you about not getting on the 4pm: if someone doesn’t arrive after a flight for several hours then you worry first that the plane crashed and then once you confirm it didn’t, that they’ve had an accident on the road on the way back. This is simple and obvious.

He’s being unreasonable.

I completely agree. I would tell my husband the kids were being sods if they were, and would expect the same the other way around. I wouldn’t lie or expect him to. It’s just how it is - assuming you both get kid free time, you both suffer it at points.

Think PP are being pretty harsh on the whole. I’d be pissed he lied about the flight.

There should not be mates holidays or girls holidays when you have a family with children. When you are married and don't have children - fair enough, you can go on your teenage holidays with your mates. I never thought that before - but a few years back a colleague of mine went on a girls' holiday (no impropriety, all decent ladies) with her dh's blessings (he stayed with the children) and there she was badly injured in a water-skiing accident. As a result, her life, her dh's life and her dc live were literally ruined. She could never go on an active holiday with her children or her husband, her daughter is now a young carer. Basically, your children should come first and in what you describe, your children do not come first. It is good that he was only robbed and not seriously injured during this robbery.

Nope you told him 7pm was too late so he pretended to make a booking for 4pm to shut you up. Then just caught the 7pm as originally planned.
You keep them on a tight rein mate ,they will lie.

DH is away this weekend, if he arrives at 4 or 7 Sunday is pretty inconsequential, he shouldn't have lied but you shouldn't have told him to book another flight. What a waste of money for the sake of 3 hours

I couldn’t imagine getting so worked up over three hours.

I found your post hard to read. You sound needy and hard work. Moaning about the kids was crappy too. YABU

I would be very frustrated if I was on a girls holiday and had my husband ringing to tell me that the kids were being horrendous and pressuring me to get an earlier flight.

I think he’s wrong to lie, but why the pressure in the first place (unless he often goes out and has lads holidays)

Having read the whole post, I think the OPs version of events is as flakey as her husband's. Her descriptions of detail change as much as her DPs.