AIBU to be upset my husband lied about his flight being overbooked?

[OrangeSlices998]

Need some perspective on this and whether my head needs a wobble.

So me and DH have been together for 10 years, we have 3 kids together. We met in London and moved to a small town for his work after our first DC was born.

Recently he went away for a planned lads holiday to Malaga with his uni mates as they’re all turning 40. I don’t know the mates well, they all bar 1 came to the wedding, one was his best man who was incredibly drunk and didn’t do the best speech due to this. I’m only mentioning this because heavy drinking is the norm when these guys get together.

They went to Spain for 4 days, due to fly back on Sunday lunchtime. Originally he had booked to come back on a flight to get him home for 7pm, I had said that was later than I thought he would be back. He then booked a different flight that would have him home for 4pm - this is important.

I didn’t hear from DH much at all, I hadn’t expected to tbh because he was with his friends although it would have been nice to have the odd text checking in as the kids were being very hard work! On Saturday he phoned from his mates phone to tell me he had been mugged the previous evening, he was very drunk and got pushed over and his phone stolen. He thankfully wasn’t hurt and nothing else was stolen. I asked him to buy a cheap phone while he was out there so he wasn’t impossible to reach, I had his mates number but that’s it. I was not having the best time with the kids, they were being very hard work and the crap weather and no car didn’t help.

Saturday lunchtime we speak and I told him what a rough time I was having, the kids were being unusually difficult and I was exhausted. He made sympathetic noises, the call ended. I survived the day (!) and Sunday came. DH hadn’t bought a phone, he called me from his mates phone at about 10ish local time and told me he was heading to the airport shortly (flight departed 12pm local time).

4pm rolled around, not home. Check arrivals, flight landed and he had only hand luggage but traffic etc. 5pm, nothing. 6pm, nothing. I start getting worried, where is he? Is he okay? Did he get on the flight? Did something happen? We live 30-40 minutes from the airport, no traffic showing. I try contacting his friend just to make sure there hadn’t been any issues in Spain, he doesn’t answer. Go out for a walk with the kids as I’m anxious and on edge. Get home at 7.30pm and he walks in about 7.45pm. Says he had to get the second flight of the 2 he booked, the first one was overbooked.

I’m confused now because why didn’t he just call/text me to tell me? I had spent half the afternoon worrying for nothing! His friend had been at the airport with him for a bit, why not just let me know? I was annoyed about this as I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have just got in touch as he knew I was expecting him on the first flight. I’m just confused because nothing is making sense. DH keeps repeating the story, flight overbooked and I asked what he did while waiting, he said he was just sat in the airport waiting for the second flight. I asked him why he didn’t try to reach me somehow, there would have been ways.

His friend comes back to me on Monday and says DH’s flight was after his and there were no issues. Now I’m more confused because that would mean DH friends flight was before 12pm but I spoke to him at 10am local time and they weren’t at the airport. I called DH on this and said BULLSHIT I think you and your mates decided you coming home on the first flight ruined the fun so you decided to just not get on the first flight and didn’t tell me because you knew I’d be annoyed.

Eventually he admits yes. He had got to the airport for the first flight and didn’t want to leave so he decided fuck it I’ll get the later flight and knew I’d be pissed so didn’t tell me. Had a couple more beers with his mates till they all got their flights and then he got the later one and decided to tell me the first one was overbooked.

I am very hurt by this. Am I being a dick? He knew I had had a tough weekend, he knew I was exhausted, he knew I thought he would be back earlier and he knew I’d be hurt he opted not to get back sooner (I appreciate it’s only a few hours) and decided to lie to me and keep lying. As far as I know he’s never done anything like this before he’s usually a shit liar and wears his heart on his sleeve. We’ve been through a lot together and I really am hurt by it.

I’m less bothered by the fact he had had a lovely time with mates and didn’t want the holiday to end versus the lying to me and not communicating to me, knowing I hadn’t had the easiest weekend. It just feels out of character.

AIBU?

You need to read the post one more time.

So where are you going without kids of course! Plus switch your phone off the whole trip. Men royally take the p.

This. Spot on!

Huh? How can you assert that about someone else? Peculiar

Meanwhile bullying "bullying is repeated, intentional aggressive behavior" ..fits an awful lot of the name calling posters on here

Apologies. I assumed because you misused it, you didn't know what it was.

Since disagreeing with the OP's handling of the situation can't be described as "repeated, intentional aggressive behavior", clearly nobody has been bullying.

I don't think he should feel like you'd kick off if he came home a few hours later tbh. He shouldn't have lied but I can see why he did.

I’m presuming his friends were flying to a different airport so had a slightly earlier time than the DHs later flight. But their flights were later than the early flight that the DH supposedly booked. He wanted to stay drinking with his mates

I’m fairly confident that he decided on the later flight well before they got to the airport.

I'm very surprised by the replies. You were expecting him back on a particular flight, he never appeared. Of course you were worried.

I was out for dinner with a big gang of cousins one evening. A few of us stayed out for drinks. I got a bit pissed and decided to stay out after the last train and splurge on a taxi. I didn't look at my phone. When I came in DH was asleep and I decided to tell him I came on the train as I felt stupid and irresponsible wasting 80 quid on a taxi for the sake of two extra drinks.

However in the morning sober I realised this was a dick move. As it turned out I had a message on my phone anyway saying "honey can you get in touch? I went to get you from the last train but you weren't there. I hope you're just out having fun but I'm worried."

I didn't think he was controlling and I felt like a twat.

I don't see how it's any different for you.

This group of mates sound like they behave like idiots when they are together but he doesn't spent too much time with them by the sounds of things? I suspect he lost his phone was hammered for most of the weekend and then just never bothered getting the earlier flight. The friend who messaged back likely didn't know anything about the earlier flight.

If it's out of character I'd let it go. But get something fun booked for yourself.

Highly unlikely he wasn't drunk driving. He had a few beers and was still drinking at 2pm when his mates got their flights. 4 beers would take 8 hours to clear his system and god knows how much they had to drink the night before.

He shouldn't have taken the car. He has a drinking problem. He could have gotten the train to Glasgow and then to Prestwick. It would have meant you picking him up on the return with tired kids but he'd have been there to help with late bedtime.

Unless you seen the booking for the earlier flight, I would think he just told you that and always intended coming home later as his friends were on later flights. I'd be fuming that he wasted money on two flights though.

Not the point of the thread but where are you if the weather is shit? I'd love some shit weather right now

You sound controlling. I’d have lied as well

I hope he wasn’t drunk driving 😟 he said he had a few beers before his flight and then slept 🤷‍♀️

The relationship would be over for this reason alone. Few is more than 2. Disgraceful.

For those asking about the boarding card. I had my phone stolen abroad once. You just go to the check in desk and get a boarding card from there.

And no my DH did not make me buy a new phone for two days!!

I doubt he extended his stay in the airport to drink water? Really. Instead of getting on this flight I’ll stay and sip water in the airport…so I would say there was some drunk driving going on. Otherwise why miss your flight and stay?

Yep - I’m not a single parent but those who are or have oartnersxwirkingxaway have this scenario most of the time. He shouldn’t have lied but I suspect he was always on this flight -

What? Single parents have their partner lying to them all the time?

Could you get boarding cards for two flights? I imagine that would be unusual. I believe you get charged for them printing it (Ryan Air etc) is that right?

Sorry you moaned to him on the phone multiple times and seemed really needy. You made it hard for him and seemed miserable. Of course he lied. You sucked all the joy out of the trip.

I regret voting YANBU now. I feel you’re a little controlling but that’s no excuse for him to be a pathetic, weak liar. However, I can see now that drink driving is acceptable to you (your post suggests he took the car to the return airport so that he could drive home on Sunday), so you’ve lost any sympathy I might have had for you. There are much bigger issues here than the ones he’s causing you.

Yes.

Nope, they have kids for days on end with no respite

Hahaha - this was my first thought 😂

Why on earth did you let him take the car?? Surely he could have got a taxi, the bus, or a lift.

You're setting yourself up here

I guess you add one to your wallet in your phone. Then you’ve lost the phone. So you go to checkout and they have a record of it. When it happened to me they just needed my passport. Then printed one out. No charge - it was BA though.

I love it when people post for opinion, but then dont want an opinion other than their own. Just makes you feel more sorry for the husband.

My mistake!