AIBU to be annoyed guests announced vegan diets on arrival?

[Wtafdidido]

Wtafdidido · Today 11:27
I have guests. They have stayed before. No dietary requirements and no food dislikes. To accommodate them my child has to vacate her bedroom and spend the week on an airbed in our room which she very kindly does. Anyway guests have arrived and I have shopped, meal planned and prepared lunch, homemade quiche etc . They have now said “since we last visited we have both become vegetarian and dairy free as it is healthier” - so basically vegan. I am so annoyed. Had I been given the heads up I could have prepared and shopped accordingly . Aibu to be hacked off and have said that given their failure to let me know I won’t be able to accommodate that but can use what I have bought and minimise the amount of meat or they can shop for their own supplies and cook for us all? To be clear had I known in advance I would have accommodated their dietary fads. To be clear there is no medical grounds for any of this. They were already getting a week of free food and board and as we live in a very desirable holiday location would have been paying in the region of £800 to book an air BnB. They are not really family either and have in the past been ok guests though last time they were bemused I had not taken A week off to entertain them and take them places.

I’d make them veggie or vegan food then not invite them again. If they were super apologetic and offered to shop I’d give them a pass.

I'm doubly sorry they've done this when you need less mental load and admin, not more. What a shame they are visiting in a way that adds to your load rather than lightening it, which is what you should be getting!

I also think if you tell them you’re sorry but you’ve already bought shopping and meal planned the week etc, that you can’t afford to go shopping again, but that you won’t be offended if they choose not to join you for the meals you will be cooking and, instead, go out for meals instead. Once they realise you’re not going to pander to them, and that they’re going to have to spend their own money on meals out everyday, and how much that will cost them (it sounds as though they’re probably as cheap af, and staying at yours to save money on holiday accommodation costs elsewhere), they’ll soon be back and tucking into the quiche and anything else you make!

Im perfectly happy, and capable, of catering to any diet, with advance notice, and am perfectly happy to do so and to eat (eg vegan), because I also cook and eat plenty of non animal based meals by choice anyway, but that’s entirely different to them turning up and then announcing it. Really poor behaviour, and also shows a lack of respect for you and your family. Basically they’re treating your home as a free hotel, so they can just carry on and go out for meals, like they would if they were stating in a hotel. It’s a shame your daughter has so readily given up her room, but I’d put a stop to that in the future. I don’t think you’ll need to worry about them staying again after this, so at least that’s a positive!

Given they sound thoughtless, selfish, and insensitive, are you sure you can count on them to support your daughter like you expect?

Because they sound awful.

They put her out of her room so they can have a free holiday in comfort and the heck with her comfort in her own home when her mom is ill. They show up while you're having cancer treatment with all the side effects that has for a free holiday and don't bother to inform you that oh, we're vegetarian now but expect you to accommodate them?

Thoughtful people would be there giving you some support, not freeloading off you. Their actions aren't those of people who will be supportive when the chips are down.

You have reacted in a perfectly reasonable and fair manner. I cannot believe that people can be this thick and thoughtless. You don’t just turn up at someone’s house (people you like apparently) and announce that you no longer eat 50% of the foods that an average person eats! They should be bending over backwards to be easy and helpful to you; especially in the circumstances.

YANBU I'd be handing them the take away menu, or serving them veg and sides. Sod that!

I'm sure that OP liked them well enough until they sprang their new dietary requirements on her after she had spent a load of money on food for their stay!

Sorry, @Wtafdidido, I didn’t see your reply before I finished my last post. I guess the fact that they are godparents does complicate things for the future, however, it doesn’t sound as though they are very close to you, or even considerate towards you anymore (people do drift, it’s natural), so I do hope your dc have other support available. But, by the by, I actually think that now you’ve mentioned the cancer treatment, I actually think this makes their thoughtless behaviour even worse! They know you’re not well enough to work, yet still want to stay for the week and for you to cater for them! I know you say that they’re just wrapped up in their own world, but bloody hell! If - and it’s a massive if - I was going to visit a friend that was unwell then id be doing everything I could to actually make their week less stressful and wouldn’t even expect you to be cooking for me. I’d only stay if explicitly invited to, and I’d make meals and whatever else I could do to help. The fact that they know all this and have still invited themselves and expect you to cook for them makes them seem even more thoughtless! Do you genuinely want people who put their own needs first being the support for your children? I’m sorry if that sounds a little blunt. But they should be doing everything they can to make your week easier. Or staying elsewhere and visiting you/taking you out for meals etc. have they offered to do any cooking, or to take you out for any meals?

Can you tell us why they are even staying for a whole week sponging from you? And treating your house like a hotel and your family like staff?
Why on earth do you agree to your poor dd being stuck on the floor?

I will never ever understand why anyone would ever agree to this in the first place. The shopping, catering and cooking alone must be exhausting during a working week!

Put them in a tent in the garden, they have free use of the outside tap for washing facilities and drinking. A small BBQ to cook their own vegan food and suggest they book a five star vegan hotel next summer. FFS CFs!!!

Just seen they are godparents, so what! That makes it even worse in my view. You are being taken for a ride op. You are not a control freak or unreasonable, this is genuinely incredibly rude and obnoxious. Leave them to cook vegan specials for YOU every night, at least salvage something from this CFuckery.

Even though you know your daughter will need extra supportive people in her life in the future, guests who spring burdensome dietary requirements on a woman with cancer, at the last minute, and who are "surprised" when their host (who has cancer!) cannot afford to meet their last-minute expenses, may not have the social skills or generosity to show up for your daughter when needed.

And I am a forty year old veteran vegetarian and would never ever behave like this!!

How ridiculous!

"It's a pity you didn't tell me in advance - I'm sure you can find places locally to accommodate, if not I can offer you an apple or a tomato!"

I would tell them your not a hotel and to go out and buy their own dietary requirements.

She has told them that.

It’s even worse knowing you’re undergoing cancer treatment and they expect you to be their hotel. They should be arriving with BAGS of shopping, making most of the food, taking you and daughter out, offering petrol money.

I suspect they will suspend their veganism for the duration of their stay with you OP.

This is really unreasonable of them to expect you to be able to cater for them without forewarning. I'm a vegan, but I'd never expect anyone to prepare meals for me without them knowing well in advance what I do or don't eat. And because not everyone will feel comfortable cooking plant-based meals, I'd either be offering to take my hosts out for meals or cooking for them, especially if they were kind enough to provide me with free accommodation. Your "solution" was very generous on your part.

So when you dished up lunch and they said 'we've decided to be fussy beggars this week (probably change next week' - what did you say?

I probably wouldn't have known what to say but would have liked to say
'Oh dear, you'll need to sort yourselves out for food then'.

This is why I rarely have 'guests' other than family who know the rules in my house which are 'don't be assholes'

Meant to click yanbu x

What is with "you don't sound like you like them very much", "you begrudge them the space and effort" comments. You can be happy to welcome guests and accept a degree of inconvenience associated with having more people than usual in your house AND be really bloody annoyed that someone with specific dietary requirements failed to communicate that with you before they arrived.

@Wtafdidido I think your response was perfect

They would go hungry in my house in that case.

I'm happy to cater for vegans, but I'm not vegan and would need prior notice.

Tell them to get the fuck out of your house and go home.
Im vegetarian and I just eat what Im given. Bloody hell.
Freeloading piss takers.

They will have to take what they are given. They are only doing it because it’s healthier and it’s extremely rude

They have no children and are lacking quite a lot in self awareness so have form for thoughtless behaviour but it’s generally not deliberate just related to how they live their life.

Having no children is no excuse whatsoever. I’m childfree & vegetarian & would always warn the host & offer to cook for myself if necessary. Also turn a blind eye if someone kindly cooked for me & used chicken stock or non-vegetarian cheese or something.

It’s just good manners.