AIBU to be annoyed guests announced vegan diets on arrival?

[Wtafdidido]

Wtafdidido · Today 11:27
I have guests. They have stayed before. No dietary requirements and no food dislikes. To accommodate them my child has to vacate her bedroom and spend the week on an airbed in our room which she very kindly does. Anyway guests have arrived and I have shopped, meal planned and prepared lunch, homemade quiche etc . They have now said “since we last visited we have both become vegetarian and dairy free as it is healthier” - so basically vegan. I am so annoyed. Had I been given the heads up I could have prepared and shopped accordingly . Aibu to be hacked off and have said that given their failure to let me know I won’t be able to accommodate that but can use what I have bought and minimise the amount of meat or they can shop for their own supplies and cook for us all? To be clear had I known in advance I would have accommodated their dietary fads. To be clear there is no medical grounds for any of this. They were already getting a week of free food and board and as we live in a very desirable holiday location would have been paying in the region of £800 to book an air BnB. They are not really family either and have in the past been ok guests though last time they were bemused I had not taken A week off to entertain them and take them places.

YANBU. I wouldn't make any effort to accommodate their diet. It's only a week and only a recent choice (not a medical diagnosis or even a mild, self-diagnosed intolerance). Since it's not an actual allergy or sensitivity, it won't hurt them to change their diet for a few days. When you stay at someone else's home and expect to be fed, you make the best of what they provide, eat around things you don't like, or take responsibility for your own food by shopping, going out to eat, etc.

I'd also reconsider allowing them to stay again, if I'm honest, because I don't enjoy hosting at the best of times, and if you make yourself a nuisance, I'll take that as an excuse to put an end to the inconvenience.

I thought it was bad enough when my DSis mentioned the night before coming for dinner that she was now vegetarian! Fortunately we'd been planning stir fry anyway, so could just leave the meat out of her portion, but if it had been something harder to change she'd either have just ended up with vegetables or told to bring her own.

My daughter is 10. These are her godparents. We have drifted apart over the years due to different paths and moves but they are nice people, kind people and my daughter enjoys their company when we do see them so is willing to give up her space. This will however be the last time this happens . They have no children and are lacking quite a lot in self awareness so have form for thoughtless behaviour but it’s generally not deliberate just related to how they live their life. I would have accommodated their diet if I had known in advance but am not financially in the position to do a second reshop as I am unable to work at the moment due to ongoing side effects of cancer treatment. I have suggested they look at the meal plan I have made and make a list of what they need to adapt it to their needs so they can go to the supermarket and buy what is needed. I think they were a little surprised. We will make this work as my children are going to need these people in their lives for support in the not too distant future. I think being tired and grumpy and feeling unwell this morning and being taken by surprise when I am a control freak annoyed me more than it should have.

To add to this, I always let people know if they don't already (rare, as I've been vegan longer than I haven't been) and if going for dinner and staying over I usually take pudding, bring my own bits and bats for breakfast etc and take something for the host too. I would do more than that if staying for longer! They sound very inconsiderate indeed.

Defo not unreasonable.
I'm GF by choice and either let hosts know when things are arranged or just bring my own food depending on who it is and the situation. I've never expect someone to change a plan because they didn't know / i forgot to tell them.

They are inconsiderate but I am so proud of you (I know I don't know you so possibly not the right word). Asking them to do the thinking and then going to the shops themselves is would think of hours later and wish I had done! So impressed. I think you are being more than accommodating!

I'm so sorry, they sound extra selfish doing this to you when you're undergoing cancer treatment. I understand why you'd put up with this to maintain their relationship with your kids. Although I think with them being so selfish and thoughtless, other adults in their lives would probably be a better support to your children than these two.

YANBU and they ABU by being surprised at what you said. No way if someone was putting me up and I knew they were shopping for me would I not express my dietary preferences (or I would suck it up for the week). Or if I forget, I would absolutely go out and get my own food.

I think they were a little surprised.

Ah, what a shame. Good on you OP.

Offer them beans on toast as the alternative to anything you have preplanned which they claim they can't eat and do ensure they are the cheap, own brand supermarket beans.

Anything else they'll need to obtain themselves.

At least they then can't claim that you never offered an alternative. Job done!

Id point out the kitchen and give them directions to the nearest supermarket and tell them they are welcome to sort out their food.

Good idea to show them the meal plan and get them to adapt it for themselves. Just point them in the direction of the nearest supermarket so that they can get what they need.

I personally don't think you've overreacted OP. As to being Godparents, I wouldn't back that horse too keenly.

With people lke your guests, they are faddy because when they realise they are limited from what they used to eat the novelty soon wears off. It's usually 'oh look at us, we're veggie [but I still eat chicken] or vegan I rarely eat a full roast dinner] I've known both and they were complete twats. One silly cow cried and said I was being mean because I said you aren't vegan if you eat fish and chips.🙄Next time I saw her she looked sheepish and ignored me but her friend said they had just been for a Big Mac !😆
I'm a vegan, have been for nearly 30 years, but I don't feel the need to bang the drum wave the banner and expect the rest of the world to plan meals around me.

Fuck me! If I was your friend I would be coming to stay to treat you for the week.

Don’t push yourself- these are grown ups who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves.
Maybe you could cut the visit short if you feel this is too much for you. Not worth exhausting yourself as you have a lot going on. Good friends/people would totally understand.

This. I can't imagine being close enough to people to have them stay in my house for a week, but not close enough to tell them this.

I’d explain that I’m sorry but I’ve already shopped for groceries. But you are welcome to shop and store their groceries in the kitchen. If you do want to eat our meals then let us know so I can make enough for all of us.

Yanbu to say i have already shopped but you are welcome to pick up any veggie/vegan alternatives that you need, the shop is that way!

That's exactly what I did once, when I was a veggie. A friend invited me out for an impromptu lunch and I only realised, half way there, that I hadn't mentioned that I had gone veggie. I didn't say anything and happily ate the roast dinner I was offered.

Tell them you can't accommodate that. They either eat what you cook or fuck off and get their own meals.

And make a resolution never to invite them again.

I assume some of what you planned is veggie and they will eat. I’d ask they supplement your food with theirs and you cook for you. Some relationships are not worth preserving and this is one of them. You are being too kind!

You showed great presence of mind, OP. Well done. And I do hope you manage to have a nice visit with them.

How incredibly thoughtless of them.
As a vegan of seven years I would have made sure you knew well in advance and would have brought lots of things for myself and also things for you and your dd to maybe try.

I also jave coeliac disease so can’t eat gluten so that really complicates things.

I go to my Dbro for Christmas every year and even though he knows of my dietary needs he’ll still ring to go over tings I have to avoid. It may be something a simple as vinegar because I can’t have barley and most vinegars contain it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable in fact I’d go as far as to say they most probably won’t even be vegan when they come to stay next time, as their attitude doesn’t really reflect the compassion that most vegans have for animals. I’m thinking it’s a healthy eating fad.

You are right to say what you did and get them to buy things that would complement the food for the menu you have already prepared.
Well done.
May teach them to be a little less thoughtless going forward.

Apologies, just read you have told them.
Also that your children will need them soon.
You need to mind yourself.

Never again!
They never even bothered to let you know in advance? They are not nice people. They are selfish free loaders who are entitled and arrogant. They do not respect you or your family.