Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

If she revised and failed mocks then it seems A levels are not going to be for her, barring catastrophic teaching or undiagnosed SEN. Why are you so down on hairdressing? It’s one AI-proof job for sure !

And what does your daughter want? Not you.... Your daughter!

Plumber or electrician earn loads.
And wont be taken over by AI
Let her decidd her rpute and support her.
No need to be anxious.she has time to find her pathway .
If she motivated by £ is a good start

If she failed her mocks she won't be a doctor or a lawyer. She could be something else well paid, but both of those require memorising vast amounts of information for exams.

University is not the only option. This is exactly the attitude that the Prime Minister is trying to move away from. People can have successful careers without a degree.

All 3 of me and my siblings didn’t go to uni. We’ve all bought our own homes at ages 23, 24, and 25. One brother is a mortgage broker, the other is a project manager. I won’t mention mine as it’s outing if linked to my other posts. But all earning very good salaries. My youngest brother is out-earning us both, and he’s the one who failed most of his GCSEs. My older brother and I were “academic”, whereas my younger brother struggled greatly with school. But he’s flourished as an adult and has a fantastic career.

I started as an apprentice. My brothers did their qualifications on the job, too.

Hairdressing isn't necessarily the poor money it used to be. So long as you go self employed! My best friend is a hairdresser and earns pretty well.

If my DD decides that what she wants to do i'd let her train and then give her some proper business advice. They do need to be self employed to earn decent money.

Lord. You're a joy aren't you @alevelbtec🙄

So, my DD had a rough couple of years before GCSEs and didn't do great in her mocks, but did reasonably well in her finals ( 6-7s) and is killing it with her a level courses. But, there's a lot of reasons people struggle with exams and for some they may just not be academically inclined, or it's due to mental health struggles or lack of focus. Whatever her results see it as an opportunity for her to focus on what she actually enjoys.

As for money, AI is never going to replace a plumber or electrician!

It’s about the same as I earn, despite going to university 3 times, for a BSc, PGCE and a separate 4 year Masters degree. I have a huge amount of student debt. Total waste of time and money.

I have a degree and I guarantee I’m not clever enough to be a doctor or lawyer. That’s just the way it is. My hairdresser owns her own l salon and earns good money, works hard. Some people are not academic; it doesn’t make them ‘less’ than anyone else, but may affect their earning potential.

I'm in the same boat as you, ie waiting on my daughter's gcse results. I am a natural worrier and fret about everything under the sun but I'm relatively calm on this one (ask me again next week though lol). If my daughter doesn't do well enough to go to her chosen sixth form then we will just have to take it for what it is. Not everyone is cut out for A Levels and there are many other routes which can work out very well for them. The point is try not to worry, it will get you nowhere.

my friend last year her son didn't pass anything. He had SEN but was in mainstream and they had hoped for at least English and maths but bless him no. Still, they scrabbled around on results day dealing with what they thought was a disaster scenario but actually he got a spot in college and is doing his English and maths retakes there along with a course that he's loving and made loads of friends so it's all worked out really well even though it's not at all what they thought he would be doing this time last year. So try not to worry, it will be ok xxx

It doesn't matter I passed one exam. Went to college later and had a professional career for 23 years

What are her strengths and interests? You mentioned hairdressing, lawyer, engineer etc without some context like if she likes (and is any good at) maths or essay subjects. If she’s creative then no point pushing law (which can be studied after another degree if she changes her mind) or if she’s practical then unlikely to want to write English essays.

Just because she doesn’t take the same
A-levels and uni route as you, doesn’t mean that she can’t succeed. I think that more kids should take more time before they commit to things like a degree so that they make the right choice rather than go to uni because it’s expected.

What was your first job out of university OP?

I know it's easy to say BUT your job is to be there for her and how she's feeling about it. Whatever happens, it's done now, and you need to be in a position to be positive, supportive and able to help her feel proud and able to move to the next stage when the results come in. I suspect the reason she "seems ok" is she knows you're petrified and she is protecting you from it.
I know it's really worrying, and you have an image of what she should do next and now might not be able to, but she'll find her own path. I'd look at what options are available to put your mind at rest. She will likely need to redo at least maths and English, could you also look at apprenticeships or other training options alongside? BTECs etc. To be honest, even if she gets the grades it doesn't sound as if traditional academics are for her - what does she thrive doing, what does she want to do and how does she learn best - try and focus on those things and on how she's feeling about the future rather than feeling anxious/disappointed that is hasn't aligned to what you wanted for her.

If she's not academic, you are just setting her up to fail.

Parent the child you have, not some imaginary child you thought you would have.

Some of these responses are harsh and probably from people with no experience of a child struggling

Not the same but DC didn’t do as well as predicted in gcses and one of his A levels is causing a headache. I’m trying to be pragmatic. There are many paths. First step would be finding a course and resitting maths & English. There will be a way

You need to stop forcing her to do what you want her to do. Just because you and other family members went to uni she doesn’t have to follow the same path. You need to let her do what she wants to, end of the day it’s her life not yours. We all want the best for our children but she will grow up to resent you if you don’t let her find her own path. If she wants a career in hair and beauty, find a way to support her. She can still go far and be successful.

Why did she fail her mocks and what do her teachers say?
If it is lack of ability, can you consult the careers service about what is a good path for her level of ability - factory apprenticeship with a larger company perhaps? She could then work her way up.

If it is lack of application you need to understand why, if appropriate read the riot act, explain the importance of education in giving you choices, withdraw devices or whatever will get her to study. Failing that she gets a minimum wage job and hopefully soon realises that life would be better if she studied more.

You need to get out of the mindset f what you want, and figure out what will be best for her.

£2000 a month for an 18 or 19 year old starting at the bottom level of a job is pretty good.

The responses are nothing to do with a child who may or may not be struggling. They are in response to a parent who is trying to control which path their child takes and seemingly not listening to what they actually want.

If she failed or barely scraped her GCSEs, she is very unlikely to have the sort of mind needed to train as a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Or an architect, although the pay is also atrocious in that industry. That doesn’t mean she’s stupid or won’t earn well, it just means she isn’t cut out for another ten years of academic study.

Focus on finding out what she is good at and is interested in, and how she could make money doing that. I have a masters and a job which requires it, I can confidently say my tradesmen earn more than I do. I bet my local hair salon owner does too. Education doesn’t equal earning potential, what matters is being good at something people are willing to pay for.

You are putting too much emphasis on what you want for her rather than what she wants. Have you not heard how many uni graduates can’t find jobs? If she’s failed all her exams she’s unlikely to cope with the academic levels required for the careers you listed. If she wants to be a hairdresser it could be a good choice. Many soon set up independent businesses and make good money. Be realistic!

My son takes his GCSES next year. He's average (definitely not stupid but not a genius either), and we're currently paying for extra tuition in Maths and English. He's not academically gifted, so he's going to need to revise to pass his exams. All we've asked for is for him to revise and do his absolute best.

Why do you want your daughter to do A Levels and go to University? Just because it's been the right choice for you or members of your family, it doesn't make it so for your daughter! What does your daughter want to do?

If your daughter is struggling with GCSES, then she's not going to cope with A Levels or university. You have unrealistic expectations for her. One of the reasons why your daughter is struggling could be the pressure of you wanting her to conform, to your standards.

See if there's a college course that she would be more interested in. Often they can resit Maths/English along side of the course (if it comes to it). May be she'd prefer to find a job instead of further education? Although in the current job market that may be difficult.

OP your views and approach seem very rigid, and, kindly, outdated. You say she wants to get out and earn money, that's good, she has drive and ambition. She (and possibly you) need a steer on what the best options for her to find a way to do this are, as the traditional (safe) routes you have identified are probably not for her. You could both listen to Emma Grede on Desert Island Discs two weeks ago, for an inspirational example of passion, graft, determination and success. She can do a degree at any time, when she's more likely to be ready to succeed at it. You are the one who needs to be flexible in your approach to give her the support she needs to succeed.