Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

Your post is about what you want her to do. What does she want.

When you say she failed her mocks what do you mean? What are her predicted grades for GCSEs?

If that's true, genuinely true, then she really, really will not enjoy A Levels. They are harder and much more time consuming. If the grades she gets for GCSE aren't great, and she had to absolutely slog for them, please do not steer her towards A Levels. It will be soul destroying. Don't keep impressing on her that the rest of the family went to university. It's not fair. She is not "the rest of the family", she is her.

Not everyone is "academic", and that's fine. This world would not function if we only had academics. In fact, we're probably among the most useless people, really. I went all the way in education, and I would have been so much better off learning something useful straight from school. I have lots of certificates and impressive qualifications.. but past a few impressive looks when you tell people, they don't get you as far as you might hope. When I tell people I'm a Dr, they're momentarily impressed, then when they realise it's not in medicine, they're not so impressed haha.

It would be much better for her to go into a trade, and get an apprenticeship. Is she interesting in hairdressing, beauty, electrics, brick laying, plumbing, dog grooming, baking, cooking...? There are so many very important careers that help the world keep turning, that don't require A Levels and university.

No one is dismissing anyone. Most posters have suggested other routes to consider.

However, it would be an extremely bad idea for a child without decent GCSE results to do A Level. In fact most sixth forms will not allow it, simply because they know that they would be doing their students a disservice and setting them up to fail. Your historic experience is not relevant today. This does not mean that she cannot study further, just that she needs to consider how she does it.

I don't think apprenticeships are the way to go. They don't have great earning potential such as the more traditional Dr, Lawyer, Engineer, Architect routes.

She has expressed an interest in hair dressing but that again is a low wage job. Sadly living in the SE where the cost of living has spiralled you need to have great earning potential.

Does it matter if it's a low paid job at first?
Hairdressing is a fantastic skill to have because unless there's a plague of baldness people are always going to want hairdressers or stylists.
I was at school with a girl who became a hairdresser.
She owned her own salon by the time she was 30.
Plus she could move somewhere cheaper.
The great thing about being a hairdresser is you can do that job literally anywhere.

yes she did well because she owned her own salon, that is rare!

Not everyone can be a lawyer or atvhitect or engineer. You have to be realistic about the next stage now.

You need to parent the child you have, not the one you dreamed of.

Not necessarily.
It's a very skilled job and not everyone could do it.
Many hairdressers might not own their own salon but loads are self employed running their own businesses.

So you will put “earning potential” above happiness?

I would suggest you need to change your attitude and quickly. It’s her life and you need to support her choices.

You had your time to go to university and choose a career. Now it's your daughter's turn.
At least hairdressing isn't going to be done by AI.

I've worked with some really great and successful people who didn't go to university. And someone I vaguely know recently got a degree in their forties after re-sitting some GCSEs and working up from there.

I did go to uni, have a degree and a Masters, but took a lot of time out with my DC and then my XH left me and I had to start my career all over again at entry level in my forties.

There's no guarantee that A-levels and a degree will put someone in a better position long-term.

You can't change anything now. Just be there for your DD on results day and support her to work out what the right next step is for her.

My heart sinks reading this. Your poor daughter's skills don't lie in the jobs which you mention- Don't make her feel like a failure because of it. If she went into a trade, she has massive earning potential!
I have a DC that will likely get disappointing results next week, and I'm already talking them up and laying out all the exciting paths to the future that potentially lie ahead. Sort your head out, challenge your own preconceptions before results day because your disappointment will hurt your child far more than bad exam results.

What about what she wants?

Modern apprenticeships are in all sorts of careers. I know some in science who have gone on to do Phds. Similarly in civil service with a degree at the end. There are accountancy ones, and engineering as well. Don’t think it’s all about manual jobs.

Having said that in terms of earning potential you won’t go wrong with electricians and plumbers or service engineers. I live in the south east and have a couple of good degrees but definitely earn less than our (fab) plumber.

Aside from perhaps doctors (depending on type), all of the roles you have listed here are threatened by technology - I suspect the demand for them will be vastly reduced in the coming years. At least with manual jobs, you are not so easily replaced. Plumbing, electrics, hairdressing, driving... They feel like wiser choices at the moment.

But it’s not up to you, is it?

and perhaps your daughter won’t want to live in the SE either.

Tell that to all the trades people I know - my husband included.
He out earns me by about 250% and I have a first class degree from an RG university.
Kindly, it doesn't sound like your daughter has what it takes to be a Dr, Lawyer, Engineer or Architect if she failed all her GCSE mocks. GCSE's are generally a walk in the park for anyone smart enough to go on to those careers.

Agree with PP - parent and support the child you have not the one you wish you had. Let her follow her own path.

If she is failing at GCSE even when putting in the work, she is unlikely to be suitable for A levels and a degree.

She needs to get training for a role which matches her skills and qualifications.

How sad that you can’t see there are so many ways to be successful in life that don’t require university. And I feel for your poor daughter who will clearly know how disappointed you are in her.

There are many apprenticeships that lead to good professional ( accountancy, paralegal etc) but you still need to have good GCSES. Could it be that the exams aren't right for her? If she wants she could still go to University if she did Btecs for example. However as they are vocational she would have to find a career she would want to do. Unfortunately if she doesn't get good GCSES she's not going to he a doctor. That's our system unfortunately. You'll be setting her up for a lifetime of unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

This weird obsession with GCSEs, A-Levels & Degrees, is what has got us a load of unemployed graduates with £40ks worth of debt, and a degree that gets you nowhere.

Find the thing you love, and do that … if you aren’t sure what that is just take your time, you study a Degree at any point in life. Better to wait than do the wrong topic, or go when you are not ready.

In our area tradespeople can pretty much charge what they like, you wait months to get them they are so booked up!

Have you looked at the apprenticeships available these days before dismissing them?

Please don't be that parent who decides, against all evidence to the contrary, that their kid should become a barrister/ consultant etc and then become increasingly frustrated with them/ school, when A levels make it abundantly clear that said child is not capable.

Having said that, it appears to be a lot easier to get into uni than to get an apprenticeship, which is why so many are still being shunted into uni routes. All my yr13 who wanted a uni place have got one. No so the apprentice kids.

I have briefly browsed and the pay seems atrocious. For example, dental nurse, after graduating in SE only earns about 2k per month which is very low!