Worried about GCSEs

[alevelbtec]

I can't sleep at night as worried about teen dd and her results. She failed all her mock exams except English. I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to. I am really panicking about her future. AIBU!? I think it's effecting me more, she pretends she's ok or maybe she isn't I don't know.

Does she want to go to Uni - what has she expressed an interest in studying?

With respect if she doea badly on her gcses she likely wont have what it takes to enter any of those professions.

Never mind what you want. What does she want?

You want her to do a levels but is that what she wants to do?? does she want to go to Uni?

As you've witnessed school doesnt guarantee success, it's all about remembering facts and churning them back out... Great for those kids that it comes easy to but not so much for those who don't.. Do you know why she's found things so difficult?

Chances are that if she's failed her mocks, unless something dramatic has happened her results won't be fabulous.

It's not the end of the world. See what happens when results day comes and see what's, what

Remember that,you're not restricted to any time lines. There's retakes, vocational courses etc. check out what your local college has on offer and see what your daughter wants to do.

You have no choice but to make peace with it. Whatever happens she will need your support in finding a way forward..a levels and uni may still be achievable in the future if that's what she wants , it may just take her longer to get there.

You are really badly informed OP. University is looking less advisable these days unless you are looking at a specific career such as a GP or vet.

We have 18 year old engineering apprentices in my industry who are starting on £30k and can earn 6 figures when they're qualified.

As for trades...my plumber friend takes home three times more than my so called corporate job!

please help me understand. it's august and this series of exams gets written in may-june (based on google). mocks to me are just what the word implies fake pre tests that are not worth anything (although if a person really tried might show area's of weakness).
school let out weeks ago and the op is worried about this now?
my first question would be has there been a mistake? unknown format?
surely if the child was so academically slow as to "fail" the entire series of pre tests you would know this before the age of 14.

The academic route isn't for everyone. One of the most successful people I know, started with a btec in business studies and a weekend job at an estate agents

I want her to do A Levels and go on to University like most of my family but I don't think she will be able to.
Please don't insist on her doing her A-Levels, a degree and getting a "proper job" just because that is what you and the rest of the family expects. I wasted years of my life doing that, and it all backfired when I had a nervous breakdown. I still feel like the family failure, and resent having wasted all that time, when what I wanted to do was seen as being "a waste of time". Post-breakdown, I went and did that course as an adult learner. I am now happier and much more successful... and low-contact with my family (who I moved away from).

A-Levels and a degree aren't everything. Disclaimer: I work for a vocational college. Some of our students, who were not academically able, turn out to be very practical people... whose confidence has been damaged by an environment (at home and at school) that told them that, due to their poor academics, they were not good enough. They might have difficulties in the classroom, but shine when given a bit of responsibility and a practical task to do. It's nice to see them grow in confidence and their abilities at college, and I feel very proud of them when they have done a job that they didn't think that they could do, or when they find employment, or decide to jet off to try out working abroad at 18.

Please let your DD do what she wants. If she changes her mind later on, she can do other qualifications and careers when she is older. Don't make her feel a failure because she struggles with her exams.

I think you need to pause with thinking about uni. Take a breath and see what next week's results bring.
Have a plan for good results that allow her to do A levels (if she wants to) have a plan for a BTEC or other similar type course (you still can get to uni but more course work than exams).

If she's not applied for an apprenticeship already she will have to stay at college, whatever that looks like.

What does your DD want to do? What is she interested in?

It's ok you wanting her to go to uni and be a lawyer but if she doesn't she won't get there or go.

What degree and career did you do OP?
Have you paid off your student loans yet?

At least hairdressing has skills that aren’t going to be taken over by AI. Most law firms will end up downsizing in the near future as a lot of the grunt work will be done by much lower paid and minimally qualified staff.

Reading back I doubt think this is genuine. No one who has been up all night worrying about their DDs exam results would be so ridiculous and flippant with their answers

The professions you mentioned, doctor, lawyer, architect are often not that well paid at first and I'm not sure I would want to go in to any of them purely in the interest of making money.

There are plenty of graduates up and down the UK who don't make over 2K a month for ages, it's not a guarantee.

If you have the drive and business sense as a hairdresser I don't see why you couldn't be a salon owner or do really interesting work.

While I appreciate that cost of living is a worry, money isn't always the measure of success.
What does your DD really want to do?

I also don't think it's a bad thing for people to enter university for the first time in their 20s or later once they have the drive and the work ethic for the course.

I’m a legal secretary with a degree and I only get £1850 a month. I can afford my own house albeit just. It’s not low at all, not for the north where I am. Of course I’d like more money but you need to really think about what she wants not what you want.

this is why kids have issues when they grow up because no matter what they do, mother is always disappointed. Give her some slack, poor girl.

Its strange how different people think. My two boys are fairly academic and Im sure they both have the potential to go to uni if they wanted. However, I would actively encourage them not to go that route UNLESS they were persuing a career that really requires a degree such as a doctor. There are so many different ways to get there now. Why go to uni and end up in a tonne of debt if you can end up in the same place eventually going the apprenticeship route, earning whilst you are learning? I went the Uni route and am now in a job earning the same as others who went other routes but I have the debt, they don't (thankfully 15k not 60k+ like now)
My eldest has just done his A levels but has decided he doesn't want to go to uni (at least not yet). He's not really sure what he wants to do anymore, as he no longer thinks it worth doing anything with computers because of AI, so I have actually encouraged him just to go fulltime where he was already working for a couple of years, then go travelling for a couple of years, whilst he tries to figure things out. These kids are likely to be working until at least 70, in my eyes there really is no rush for them to have it all figured out at 16 or 18. I would rather him take the time to figure out what he actually wants to do than force him to decide now and him end up in a career/job he absolutely hates.

You really need to step back and let your daughter make her own choices (yes offer advice but the final decision does need to be hers). Its her life and her happiness.

Just hopping on to say (as an aside) that architecture is not well paid (and with 5 years of university study anyone doing it would end up with a massive debt at the end of it..). When I qualified as an architect (many years ago), and got my first job as a qualified architect, I was paid the same as the receptionist… it is not a ‘protected’ role - in that anyone can set themselves up as an ‘architectural designer’ with zero qualifications… so big fees / salaries are just not there. (Unless you make it to partner level). And the sector tends to be hit first and hardest, in any economic downturn - so every 5-7 years there will be massive lay-offs in architectural practices (eg I worked at one firm where they would swell to 270+ employees during good times, then contract to 70 employees (typically on a 5-7 year cycle). They is no way I would be encouraging a young person to study architecture now…

Well hopefully you are right because as you say, the responses are very flippant and ill considered.

Why are they flippant? I come from a family where all of us went to Uni so its hard for me to understand any other options!

Clever enough to have gone to uni. Not clever enough to realise there are other options.

That’s something for you to work on though without pressuring her down an unsuitable route where she won’t be happy.

It is her future not yours.

Please don’t push your dd into something you want for her, she needs to find her own path in life.

I come from a family of non-academics, all have practical intelligence. My father is a plumber and we grew up without wanting for anything and still my parents are more financially comfortable than any of my friend’s parents. My best friend’s father is a builder and a millionaire. My two nephews are builders, they are both in their 30’s and earn around £80-90k pa.

My two best friends are both hairdressers and earn very well and more importantly they love their jobs.

In fact, of all the people I know I would say those who do not hold university degrees are the ones thriving the most.

Maybe try looking outside of the box a little, your daughter can do very well in life without going to university.

You need to be realistic. If she is going to fail all her GCSEs she's not going to go to uni and be a "high earner" without a fair bit of work in the interim.

You need to consider why she wants to be hairdresser or something rather than go to uni. It's her life.

As a teacher I really believe that you need to reframe how you are thinking. YOU want her to do A levels, YOU want her to go to university. You seem desperate for her to be a lawyer, GP etc - what are her predicted grades? Was she predicted to get 7+ in most subjects? I am trying to understand if she underperformed in her mocks or whether she achieved what she was targeted at?

what do you class as a fail?

There are lots of routes post results day, the school will be able to sign post that for you on the day, or speak to local colleges.

How did she revise? Is it a problem of not knowing how to revise properly?

But please actually listen to her, if you force her down a path she isn’t really able to access she is just going to resent you. If you force her down a path that she doesn’t enjoy she is also going to resent you.

My brother didn't go to uni, he's a plumber, works only on specialist projects now in London, earns a fortune. Was earning in excess of 50k by 25 and that was 15 years ago. You are very short sighted and frankly if she fails all of her GCSEs she's not cut out for law or engineering

Unless failing her mocks was unexpected for some reason, surely you’ve realised before now that’s she’s not exactly a straight A sort of student?? Not passing any subject must be close to having additional learning needs.

To me OP it seems really strange that you seem so invested in her schooling/uni/job now but it doesn't seem like you helped her with revision at the time, ensured she followed a revision timetable, got the relevant CPG books for her, got tutors for the main subjects (if possible financially) or did anything else prior to the exams when you knew she had failed her mocks. You just seem to have gone along with her saying she revised and did her best.

You seem desperate for her to go to uni and make loads of money but you don't seem to have supported her to enable that to happen. Of course some kids don't need that support to do well, but when she failed her mocks it surely was obvious that she did?

Has she done any work experience/work shadowing at a hairdressers if she is interested in that route? She really needs to spend some time sweeping floors or something to at least get a feel for it. If she is going to try to get an apprenticeship she will need to be competitive and have some experience and be able to show her interest. She also needs to look at college courses for September - it's all been left very late though, Why has none of this been more thought through before? What is she supposed to be doing in September? It's literally weeks away. Have school not supported her with next steps either?

I really think your dd needs a lot more support right now OP, and i don't mean in being pushed into something she doesn't want to do.

This must be a windup.