Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

That still sounds like a made up excuse to me.

More likely, he went to a party and got off with someone. He’d just woken up and realised he wouldn’t make your date.

Whatever, you’ve dodged a bullet and dressing up has given you back some of your old confidence, so win, win.

Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

Not a nice feeling, I am sure. Hope your day gets better.

Good for you for making the most of your 'you time' OP. Some people are just thoughtless shites.

I bet you look lovely and hope you keep doing more things for yourself.

It's almost lunchtime (or was when you wrote the post) so I hope you took yourself off somewhere nice and had a lovely lunch and some "me time". Maybe a glass of wine when you've driven home. Don't contact him. It may be old fashioned but I honestly believe if a man really wants to see you he won't let anything stop him. You don't need him to enjoy your child-free time 💐

Well look at it this way, if he's also pushing 40 and still falling asleep outside overnight because he got shit faced at a party then he is definitely not a man with anything of value to offer you, is he? He's living like an irresponsible overgrown teenager.

Thank God you dodged that bullet. When he messages in a few days time to apologise and resume the conversations, I trust you will be telling him 'look, it's been nice chatting but I've realised our lifestyles and values don't really align. Have a nice life.'

Glad you’re feeling better. Chin up x

Has he still not responded?

The fact he didn’t reply to your message saying you were already on your way speaks volumes. Most people would be apologetic and show some guilt.

Better that than a date with a hobo
You good x

I know, that's the sort of thing teenagers do, not grown men approaching 40...

How come it's took months to arrange to meet up? That suggests to me he was never really that bothered. It's a cliché but when a man is interested, you'll have no doubt about it.

What a clown. Don't block him, wait and see if he gets in touch. Then completely ignore him.

He slept outside and cancelled on you! This is not someone you want to date or have near your daughter. Hopefully start dating again a little but avoid this particular person as someone much better will be out there.

Before I read your last message I was about to say view it as “I got dressed up and spent time to make myself look nice, FOR ME” not someone else. Do it for you, because you can. I’m glad you are doing something nice. Enjoy investing time in you! Xx

Yeah, would be interesting to see what he says. Sounds like he woke hrs after sunrise.

This with bells on.

A lot of us feel more resilient when we're younger, so please don't beat yourself up. Do you honestly feel this is about this date, or is it bringing back bad feelings from your break up? Do you feel counselling might be helpful-you could look into this if you do.

Why though? I would have been excited if I was in the same position, as would lots of people. A perfectly human response. It is his loss.

@Pistachiocake i feel ok now. I’m mostly just bloody annoyed I set aside so much time this morning to get ready to see a man who clearly had no intention of travelling the same distance. I’m not emotionally hurt by it, I have zero desire to communicate with him again, just annoyed half my day was wasted.

Someone is hilariously stupid, but it ain’t you.

Sorry you feel sad but you’ve definitely been lucky here I think that he has shown his immature, thoughtless and selfish side this early on. I hope you took yourself off to do some nice and enjoyed some solo time

I’m sorry OP that sucks. On a positive note you know now the type of person he is! Who cancels with half an hours notice? Not the type of person you want to date. You will find someone. You have a beautiful little girl please don’t be sad x

Perfect. Do that.

Girl, go have lunch / brunch alone child free im the financial district of the place your in. Or where drs go for lunch or near a court. Lol a eligible person will see you smile & you’ll feel better bonus if you make a new friend or three.
im saying raise the bar your 40s are the new 20s but with money sense and a place to call home x

Slept outside? Nice. Think youre better off missing out on this one. Why dont you join a dating site or look for groups for singles. My DS has found herself in a similar situation and she is always going to different things.

Welcome to the world of single mum dating. You have to make it clear to men that opening a time in your calendar is a massive compliment and they'd better deserve it!