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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaning over and quietly having some very harsh words with a stupid 16/17 year old chav in covent gardens?

200 replies

bogie · 27/06/2008 10:10

We took DS 2.6 and his little friend 2.3 to London yeaterday and we sat them to watch a little street show in covent gardens. There was a group of girls sat next to ds and friend and all the way through this one girl must of thought she was being clever was shouting "your shit" "your crap" "fucking get on with it then" ect. I didn't say anything at first but then I went behind her and wispered in her ear "listen you stupid little girl, You either piss off or shut up, there are children next to you and if I hear 1 more swear word come out of your mouth I will give you somthing to fucking swear about."
I said this nice and quitley in her ear so no one else heard it and it shut her up straight away was ibu?

OP posts:
justhavingamoan · 27/06/2008 12:29

I would have done the same as the OP, even the swearing if i felt it needed it. teenagers do think they are big and clever and will someday realise that they werent - however it is a different ball game now days as teenagers have no respect for adults - and generally can;t be told nicely - and i wouldnt have even acted that way - esp infront of adults and kids - if my parents had of found out they'd have kicked my butt (so to speak!).

if more people stood up to todays teenagers - including their parents - then it would be a better place.

handlemecarefully · 27/06/2008 12:32

What's a 'wibble' post?

duchesse · 27/06/2008 12:43

No certainly not BU. If more people got involved we might not have the worst behaved children in Europe. I always embarrass my children by wading in and disciplining other people's (unattended) poorly behaved teenagers. We all should. Maybe they wouldn't be such little shits and would be more considerate if they felt that people gave a damn and were not scared of them. However, in some areas it might be inadvisable to have a go at teenagers.

Blandmum · 27/06/2008 12:43

Not asked her to be quiet.

told her to be quiet.

If you want to be treated with a degree of respect you have to start off by showing some.

The girl was in the wrong. She needed to be told

handlemecarefully · 27/06/2008 12:44

And a 'wibble' post is?

Marina · 27/06/2008 12:50

Wibble post - possibly the sound made by a fence-sitte gibbering quietly?
VS made a good point, as did HMC IMO

duchesse · 27/06/2008 12:50

And a 16yr old is NOT a child. This is our problem. Sixteen year old are old enough to have sex, get married and go out to work full-time, amongst other things. It is not a requirement of being 16 that you behave like a complete prat. If some of you have such low expectations of young people, I hope your own children do not turn out as you expect them to. It is very wearying for everyone involved wth them, including teachers. Bravado and lack of awareness of what is going on around you are more features of the 12-14 yr age bracket. These are practically adults, for pete's sake.

handlemecarefully · 27/06/2008 12:56

Thanks for clarifying that for me Marina . Was just wondering if it is 'new' MN terminology that I had missed

handlemecarefully · 27/06/2008 12:58

Perhaps I was a late developer Duchesse, but I wasn't 'grown up' until my late 20's. I made so many immature silly mistakes until then. I think 16 years old is still a child (and actually I don't agree with the current age of consent)

Pannacotta · 27/06/2008 12:59

I think Martianbishop's point about quiet menace is so true, and also whispering rather than telling someone off loudly is the way to go.
I just think it's a shame and somewhat hypocritical of the OP to have a pop at the girl for swearing while swearing herself, surely she is setting a poor example of how to behave?

QuintessentialShadows · 27/06/2008 13:03

It takes a prat to deal with one.

totalmisfit · 27/06/2008 13:07

i think the o/p was right.

Of course, I don't agree with threatening children in principle. But teenagers all over the country are completely out of control because they know that none of the traditional authority figures have the kind of power over them they used to.

Teachers have to constantly watch their language, their physical contact with the children and how they act in case they cause a child to make a complaint against them and risk losing their jobs. Parents are so 'child-centred' these days that a lot of teenagers have been spoilt and indulged from day one.

Teenagers need to know that there are grown-ups who will stand up to them and who aren't scared off by political correctness. Adults are the people who glue society together by creating boundaries and stating what they will and will not tolerate.

Hecate · 27/06/2008 13:08

There are some times you get a 'vibe' that says DANGER DANGER! and in those cases, it's best to just move away, but other than that I think the best way to handle such kind of thing is to tell them politely to not swear (with The Look - you know the one I mean ) and then thank them. Children learn by example and I think it's best to set the one you'd want your own children to follow.

Assume you will be obeyed, it somehow shows in your voice and body language and, imo, actually makes it more likely to happen, iyswim.

I remember when I was a young teen - it makes me cringe looking back, but with mates I was loud and showed off in public and thought the adults around me were impressed by me when I spoke loudly about, oh god I can't even bring myself to carry on typing ..suffice to say, teens talk crap and think they are grown up and impressive. It's normal.

Toe curling when you look back on it. But normal.

duchesse · 27/06/2008 13:10

Swearing in context and in appropriate places is not the issue here. We all swear is some form when life gets on top of us in some way (even if it's as mild as "flip!" when the bin bag splits halfway down the garden) The issue is that she was a) swearing gratuitously and b) swearing in front of two impressionable children who really have very little use for such words. And 16 is quite old enough to understand that this was the wrong context, and to be aware of who was sitting near, and to adapt her language appropriately. Unless this girl was socially or intellectually dysfunctional in some way...

Original poster
bogie · 27/06/2008 13:16

handlemecarefully - "that scary older woman" I am only 20 myself does that mean I am not an adult iyo? In which case does that mean I am not reasponsable for my actions?

OP posts:
theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/06/2008 13:20

I appreciate that the op wanted the child to shut up and not swear in front of her children. However, I think that her threatening behaviour and use of bad language is the equivalent of smacking a child as punishment for smacking their sibling! "Brooklyn!" thwack, "Don't f*cking hit Courtney!" thwack

VictorianSqualor · 27/06/2008 13:20

Just how many of you would carry on with the '16 is an adult' line if your DD came home pregnant at that age hmm?

And of course, 16 is an adult, because you can get married (with parental consent) and can join the army.

Never mind that they can't smoke, or drink, or drive a car, and soon won't even be able to leave school.

Very grown up aren't they.

VictorianSqualor · 27/06/2008 13:22

bogie, the fat that you're only twenty would make it worse IMO.

At 16 I'd be much more threatened by a 20yr old saying those things than an older woman.

It changes from 'older mother figure telling child to behave' to 'bigger girl having a go'.

totalmisfit · 27/06/2008 13:25

so she's not allowed in a way that actually works because she's 20?

totalmisfit · 27/06/2008 13:25

to respond in a way that actually works

dittany · 27/06/2008 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor · 27/06/2008 13:27

I don't agree with the way she spoke to her anyway, whatever age, whether it works or not.

But I do think it should be taken into account her own age.

nooka · 27/06/2008 13:28

But how do we know this girl was 16 anyway? I find it very difficult to guess teenagers ages, especially girls.

I'm in two minds about this. Good for the OP to say something, but totally unnecessary to say "I will give you something to fucking swear about" that is threatening behaviour, and I can't see that it was required. Many teenagers in this situation who are basically full of bravado and actually perfectly well behaved kids who just need reminding how to behave. I suspect if the kid was a well hardened person in with their gang she would have presented a much harder target, and the OP might have used different tactics.

Original poster
bogie · 27/06/2008 13:29

Based of the group of girls and how old they looked she was at least 16-17 they were collage age not school age.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 27/06/2008 13:38

16 is more than old enough to know that you should behave like an arsehole in public and spoil the enjoyment of other people.

My 8 year old knows better.

This constant excusing of poor behaviour in teenagers is a large part of the reason that they do misbehave.

It is part of normal adolescence to push the boundaries. We, as adults, have a responsibility to let them know, very clearly, when they over step the mark.

If we fail to do this, we fail them!

Excusing this sort of thing on the grounds of their age doesn't help them learn how to behave. Better to learn it with a veiled threat than them try it in slightly later life to someone who will respond more 'vigorously'

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