For leaning over and quietly having some very harsh words with a stupid 16/17 year old chav in covent gardens?

[bogie]

We took DS 2.6 and his little friend 2.3 to London yeaterday and we sat them to watch a little street show in covent gardens. There was a group of girls sat next to ds and friend and all the way through this one girl must of thought she was being clever was shouting "your shit" "your crap" "fucking get on with it then" ect. I didn't say anything at first but then I went behind her and wispered in her ear "listen you stupid little girl, You either piss off or shut up, there are children next to you and if I hear 1 more swear word come out of your mouth I will give you somthing to fucking swear about."
I said this nice and quitley in her ear so no one else heard it and it shut her up straight away was ibu?

Think of it this way

AIBU.
DD (16)has just come back from the park where she was playing with her friends. She admits she was being a bit gobby, and even swore, but she hadn't thought about the children playing nearby.

Some woman came over from a group of adults and threatened her, whispering "listen you stupid little girl, You either piss off or shut up, there are children next to you and if I hear 1 more swear word come out of your mouth I will give you something to fucking swear about." into her ear.

DD was being thoughtless, I agree and should have considered her language when around children, but she is no more than a child herself and the woman didn't even ask her to mind her language before launching into this threat.
AIBU to be absolutely fuming at this supposed adult threatening my child?
DD is terrified and daren't go out now.

Everyone would be up in arms.
Possibly even with suggestions to call the police.
Speaking to her fine, but you stepped over the line.

No one is suggesting that she shouldn't have confronted the girl but I think the nasty language and contemptuous manner are more indicative of why we have trouble with teenagers.
They need boundaries- but not threats and contempt

"Yes, wannabe, they are still children and don't deserve to be spoken to like that.". she was obviously capable of saying the words so imo she's perfectly capable of hearing them back. dont give it out if you can't take it in return.

Wow, I can't believe that some of you think the OP was out of order. Amazing that everyone will moan on about kids today but no one does a thing about it. Do you really think if she'd said 'excuse me. Would you mind moderating you language as there are children present' that the girl would have done anything but laugh in her face?

30 years ago she'd have got a clip round the ear. Now you can't even tell someone off for fear of hurting their feelings.

And what's with the backlash against 'chav'?

good going bogie!

I dont know, eyeballs, and nor do you!
Why assume she needs to be threatened?
Backlash against chav? Many people have always hated the word as used frequently to mean 'anyone beneath me'

Why don't they deserve to be spoken to like that? If she was deliberately being loud and offensive in front of a crowd of children and adults, what do think she expected? Did she think that others would be naturally cowed because she was with a gang of friends and they could get tricky? or was she waiting for someone to react so she could give as good as she got and make her friends laugh further?

Surely having a quite word defeated her chance for further glory and told her it would no longer be tolerated, hence was a good reaction? Maybe it could have been done without the swearing, but you have to speak to people in terms they understand, which bogie decided is this 16 year old's case meant involving a few choice words.

Message withdrawn

Fine, ignore my point.

Message withdrawn

Of course you are right vs
Ridiculous to argue that this grown woman wasn't nasty and aggressive herself

vs I would have wanted to know exactly what your dd had been saying. Bear in mind that the dd isn't exactly going to come home and say "I was in covent gardent heckling a street entertainer when this woman threatened me" I would assume that as she was a teen youd probably only got half the story.

Well done for saying something, and well done for whispering rather than shouting like them.

You did commit a crime though (section 5 public order offence of which I am the not so proud owner of 2) so probably best not to shout too loud all over the internet that you did this. The sentiment was entirely right, but the language coupled with the threat was very much a crime. Its not the sort of country where justice prevails any more

vs if you posted that on here im sure everyone would be saying 'your poor dd,what a horrid lady'.thats why i think a simple davina like 'please do not swear ' would have worked just as well.

When I was about 10, I hung about one summer with the 'tough' girl in my school and we were horrors.
We were really awful to this American girl/woman (19ish) because she dressed 'funny', we followed her for about 10 mins basically taunting her and making fun (I'm really sad thinking of this actually).
Anyway, we got bored and went to the park. An hour or so later this girl turned up with 3 guys and a dog. They shouted, swore, threatened and told us how despicable it was for us to have upset this lovely girl for no reason.

I doubt many people would advocate what they did but from that day on I stopped being friends with the 'tough' girl (I would NEVER have done anything like that before we became friends)and never picked on anyone. In fact it made me realise how it important it was to step in when you see something bad happening. I was mortified when it happened but I'm so pleased that girl had people who would stand up for her and I'm grateful that they snapped me out of my ridiculous behaviour.

Sometimes a bit of harsh reality is needed.
It's just a shame that it comes to that in the first place.

A quiet word in the ear is far more effective than a group bollocking, because of the 'Bravado' thing.

Use what my dd calls 'The quiet voice that scare people' . Faint menace is vital IMHO. Backed up with a look of steely determination

Good for you for saving something

VictorianSqualor you made an exceptionally good point, and I was nodding emphatically as I read it.

I've had to address apparently yobbish mixed groups of boys and girls for swearing...(I can think of a couple of instances). I approached them with a smile and said firmly "Please do not shout and swear, there are young children about" On both occasions they apologised and took it well.

If a teenager turned around to me and said "Aw fuck off you miserable fat old minger", I would say something back a bit withering (I'm good at that) designed to make them feel about 2 feet tall, but would still avoid swearing and aggression.

If they carried on I would simply extricate myself and my children from the situation - since obviously I would be on a hiding to nothing then. I would be pleased that I had given them something to think about though and that I had approached them, but also glad that I had maintained the moral upper hand.

However if they assaulted me / my family, I'd fucking kill them

I'm also wondering about quite how hard evryone is if you're all watching Covent Garden Street Entertainment. Vicious lot, those culture hooligans. Give you paper cuts with their National Ballet programmes and everything. Chav scum. They even hold their knives like pens

a 16 year old is not a fucking child

a 16 year old can join the army and get married

a 16 year old should, but probably doesn't, know better

and talking on her level seemed to get through to her and adjust her behaviour, maybe she'll think more carefully next time

oh and VictorianSqualor if you'd posted that post I think you wouldn't have had a load of mners up in arms ... you'd have the MNers who always sympathise and empathise being kind and supportive, the PC MNers saying the whole doasyouwouldbedoneby, judgemental MNers asking how you could have brought up a child who is so unthinking and a couple of wibble posts

YANBU I have done the same thing!

lol at twiglett

lol@wibble posts.

VS - I really don't think you would have got a very good reception with that AIBU post.

(FWIW, I would have been the judgy one on Twigletts list My son will NEVER behave like that!)

I think if it was a real hard case shouting these things then the OP wouldn't have approached her.
The fact that she was with friends who looked embaressed and was in Convent Garden watching street performes, plus she probably didn't appear particularly intimidating meant the op felt save approaching her and tasking a stand against these chavs once and for all
All a bit DM ish im my opinion

16 is not an adult either. YABU, you should have just asked her to be quiet. Why not set an example instead of actually encouraging her to carry on being a bugger, by speaking to her in the manner you did, ie threatening her into silence. Rubbish behaviour from an adult.