AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

[Whatsahappening]

Changed accounts
Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

Oh, the perils and pitfalls of social media. As someone who browses X, Tiktok and Facebook, I am appalled by the amount of outright fiction,invention and malicious misinformation out there.. coupled with algorithms which,having discerned a passing interest will bombard my feeds with ever more extreme material. X is now a complete porn riddled sewer, much worse since Musk. Utter contempt for the 'MSM' is commonplace,a bleak media landscape indeed. And it's getting,and will get worse as government attempts to curb it are screamed down as oppression.

and normally said by people who like to demonstrate to others how much of a better person they are

And OP has helpfully demonstrated the truth of your comment here, with her ‘you disagree with me so you want children to die’ comment to me.

You’re right. Not one bit curious about you or your personal views.

All I’m interested in are non-judgemental advise around how to navigate differing of opinion. I don’t care about your stance on the conflict… There is a whole history of oppression recorded. The despicable act of Oct7th (which I am just as sickened to have acknowledged) didn’t warrant the falling of a whole type of people.

Anyway, next.

Yes I am in 2 minds about X. I have found out about things I never knew about on there (and probably covered up by the main stream media) such as several racist murders of innocent white boys by Asian men (and yes I have checked other sources and they are true). It has totally overturned my world view and made me extremely worried for the future in some ways. But also alot of things on there are blatant click bait and exaggeration/made up. It exacerbates people's worst instincts and is addictive. But can be useful for finding out the truth if used with other reliable sources.

Actually reading this…You are deluded!!!
death rate exceptionally low 🤣🤣🤣

Jeeeez.

This… Totally agree! 😫

Completely disagree.. How does it better you to another? It means you feel deeply with others who suffer, it has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself.

Odd, odd, odd… You’ll are forming a definition of this that simply don’t exist.

OP, I'd suggest you name change and post "My H has become obsessed with the environment and animal welfare. He thinks everyone should become vegan and everytime he sees anything to do with meat he rants insistently at me. He has done research and now believes meat eaters are entirely responsible for destroying life as we know it. His sources are Morrissey circa 1985 and the fb page of the local 6th form college"
The level of support you will get will feel like a warm hug, and you'll go from wrong to right in a heartbeat.

So, completely understand that experience does overall give real context to fears and alongside what is actually happening.

Can see where you come from and London with its multi-cultural presence will present a much stronger view. Luckily, I’m much further out but again, I’m not saying it isn’t a concern as I still feel this but what’s the over arching piece here, is the focus alongside many dangers we have on our door step, from our own.

🤣

People can have empathy for the suffering of others. Most people can't imagine the horrors other people live in. It's a normal human emotion. Being empathetic is different from self declaring that you are a huge empath The first is demonstrating a normal human emotion. The second is making it who you are, declaring that you are more empathetic than most and your problem is that you are too caring is shutting down disagreement. It's also eyerollingly cringe.

Oh please with your ‘cringe’ 🤣

An empath, is empathy, is empathetic… No bladdy difference other than the definition you made up but let it be the reason you judge those who struggle with emotional regulation surrounding traumatic events. I’m hoping most people are empaths buT you can clearly see those who aren’t 👀.

It is very difficult when you disagree fundamentally with someone you love.

I think the most frustrating thing for me is the very blinkered view Islamaphobics take.

I can understand that people's experiences shape their world view. And I understand why aspects of Islam upset people, just like aspects of other religions are upsetting.

However, the data does not support the majority of their claims when viewed alongside contextual data.

There is a disturbing lack of anger from the right when the same crimes they use as reasons for their prejudice - and worse - are commited by white professional Christians. It is hypocritical to protest when one group does it and not another. And I cannot stand hypocrisy.

If the right are genuinely angry about a threats to women, for example, why do they not protest against the white men who commit domestic violence, sexual assault, sexual harassment, etc? Why do they not protest against threats to abortion rights? Or support better maternity care?

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs, but when someone's own behaviour hugely contradicts their claims, they lose all credibility in my eyes.

And that is why it is so difficult when someone you love goes down the rabbit hole, so to speak. The blatant illogical and hypocritical claims and behaviours based on easily refutable data. The beliefs are purely based on emotion, and when people are very emotional, they won't look at the facts or act rationally.

It makes you question what you know about the kind, loving, supportive, genuine, intelligent person you love.

It is the same on the extreme left. Different issues, but same blinkered behaviours.

I am personally rather centrist, with perhaps a slight left lean due to my support of policies around women, education, public services, and the environment.

I find the current political landscape exhausting. Mostly because people fall for sensationalist crap.

There wasn’t a falling of a whole type of people. There was an extraordinary effort to preserve the life of Gazan civilians. Again, what other conflict has been so successfuL in this in urban warfare? You have to be able to answer this before you can justifiably comment on Israel.

And your ‘ I condemn Oct 7th’ means nothing. You are presenting it as an historic event which was a one off. This is despite Hamas being open about their intent to commit many more Oct 7th style attacks. Despite Hezbollah also having a similar extensive underground tunnel network. That they can steal Israeli children, women and men into and torture and starve them. You can’t condemn. What other people would be expected to live with such a threat. Yet still Israel conducted the war in ways that were exceptional in preserving civilian lives. Hamas and Hezbollah, houthis and their Iranian backers have not. Yet you condemn Israel. And are apparently proud of your views being based on a lack of curiousity.

Tbf OP your husband may have having similar thoughts about your views.

Ohhhhh @Busylizzy87 you have literally pulled my shoulders down and given me a kiss on the forehead 😁

Im amoungst all the rage bait is this incredibly soft, well written, understanding viewpoint on my situation and a level headed view on why it can be somewhat problematic.
i think you’ve described it so perfectly as someone you love sharing a side you weren’t quite aware of but this is just it… It’s an opinion and something that I know isn’t intent on creating a divide between us.

Thank you for a bit of wisdom and a calm view without attempting to judge and make someone feel terrible.

Definitely could well do!
hence the clash and wanting to find a good way we can navigate in a positive way.

Please stop.
I’m not on your page or even your galaxy it seems.

To be honest OP I think you and your husband sound like a good match. Sounds you both love a good argument about politics and neither can understand why people can’t see your point of view.

P.S. it’s advice you seek not advise. Although you’re very quick to have a go at anyone who says something you don’t want them to say so not sure it is advice you’re looking for, you’re looking to only engage with people who agree with you.

It doesn't much sound like you're on your husband's galaxy these days either. Instead of arguing with him about politics in front of the kids, can't you just take the same approach you take with anyone who disagrees with you on here, and tell him to stop/go away, etc?

Or at the very least, agree not to argue about global events/politics in front of your children.

Absolutely not just looking for people who agree - If you spend time reading the thread there are many I have responded to with views not as my own but are super articulate and have put their point across constructively, without looking to tear someone down.

The problem/risk with MN, you get those people looking for a reaction in droves and by unecessarily correcting grammar, it seems you too are unfortunately attempting to get a rise :)

Nope calling yourself an empath is self congratulatory, and odd.

Its akin to saying I am hugely pretty. Very self absorbed.

As a woman who has been sexually harassed and assaulted by white men, both agnostic and Christian, all my life, I would disagree.

I would say women see unaccompanied refugees as no bigger threat than any other man.

I'm fact, women are far more in danger from male relatives, partners, friends, and colleagues than a stranger on the street.

There are plenty of places I would not feel safe to go for a walk in by myself because of men in general. And I live in a part of the country with almost no diversity.

Unfortunately, wonderful, loving, kind men are generally very blinkered about some of their friends and the way they treat a woman when no other man is looking.

You just have to look at the way men in power talk about women to see that misogyny has no skin colour or background.

And, as for 'affordable areas', there will always be more crime in places where people have less sense of community and increased levels of poverty. Again, that has nothing to do with where a person has come from. It is universal.

I think it would be hard in a marriage to share opposing values .

I’m soft left and am married to a wet Tory. We didn’t discuss politics at all for years. Now we’re united in our horror at the rise of Reform and Restore and our determination not to allow them anywhere near power.

I honestly don’t know how I’d cope in your situation @Whatsahappening. I’d be very concerned about my children being regularly exposed to the views you describe. I think for me it would be a dealbreaker. I genuinely couldn’t live with it. I’m sorry to be so unhelpful.