AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

It is at the likes of Disney where a 1yr old and an yr old will want to do vastly different things (for lastyrs trip). It's a lot of money to spend as a family to end up with kids pissed off half the time.

Why? He paid for childcare for them, on time that she was planned to have them. So she drops the ball and he’s obliged to pick up the pieces every time? Different if one of the kids had an accident or were seriously unwell but she just didn’t organise herself, she didn’t even need to find the money to pay for it.

It would be unusual but not impossible, but the story doesn't add up and there are no other posts from the OP other than on this thread.

Literally! I couldn't pay my 17 year old to go on a Disney trip with a 4 year old.
Dad and stepmother are doing just fine. Dad had a special trip that was focused on the older children, and will have a holiday with all his children later.
It's no-one's fault the mother is incapable of arranging childcare, which the man has also paid for. It's no-one's fault her mother is unwell while he's away.
She's going to have to figure out this adulting with children business.

From what OP has said it certainly started before she became pregnant otherwise there wouldn’t have been the need for a paternity test.

As I’ve said a hundred times no! He was wrong then, he’s wrong now.

So OP is a first time poster? Everyone has to start with one post. I’ve been on MN a while and never made a thread.
It’s also not unusual, it happens quite a lot but for some reason you want the man to be the bad guy

Why is he wrong ? Given that his ex and her partner have no obligation to take the younger two on holiday with them (and clearly don’t) even though they are half siblings to their own kids, what makes OP and her DH obligated to take all four every single time ? If anything it’s OP kids who are losing out on holidays when it actually comes down to it. Her step kids are getting the best of both worlds.

Funny how the dad is getting stuck for not taking his 2 eldest this year.

But not for leaving his 2 youngest at home when he took them last year.

And the OP is getting stick for her DH not taking them this year not being recognised for parenting a baby and toddler alone last what do her DSC got a holiday with their dad to Disney.

Just turn your phones off. She has taken money for childcare she didn’t boom and now wants you to spend more to cut your holiday short.

When you get home talk to the mum about having the children resident with you as she’s struggling with organising them and they can go to her for visits.

Im sure once she’ll suddenly start to manage.

So what ? She’s a first time poster. What’s the point of MN if we’re going to doubt the veracity of every OP ?

YANBU, OP.

I see no issue with not taking all, on any, children on every holiday either.
For whatever reason she’s trying to disrupt your holiday and/or get more money out of you.

You don’t have to block her, but perhaps you can mute her and periodically check in, in case of an actual emergency.

I missed the age gaps. Some people seem to enjoy complicated and unnecessarily drama ridden relationships 🙄 .

@Coconutter24 , I've no idea if she is or not but I suspect she is watching the replies with a big bucket of popcorn.

Or she is in Disneyland Paris distracted from the post by having a nice time with her children

I think it’s a good point. I think people who have a number of children that’s more than 2 sometimes forget to look at the difference between the youngest and eldest rather than just each “step” between the children.

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

Well that’s your opinion, and you’re entitled to it, but it’s not the point of the thread.

What a star.

I knew a woman who not only had an affair when her three children were aged six, four and two, she went on a musical tour with her husband and arranged for her lover to go along to be one of the other people involved in that tour, and waited until they were in Germany, and had a dozen more gigs he couldn't avoid, to tell her husband that she was moving out of his bed and into that of the roadie and would not be coming back to the marital home at the end of the tour. She dumped all three children shortly afterwards and her husband brought them up on his own; at least he managed to hang onto the house he'd paid for. (A lot of their friends rallied round and helped him, to be fair, because he needed to earn enough to pay for their keep. He succeeded. My hat was off to him, many times.)

Some women are not very nice people. Sometimes the men they are with are nicer than they are. I know this is hard to credit, but it's true.

I would not go home she’s kept the money for childcare I presume.
she can take the time off or look for a childminder if the play centres are full. I would not let her manipulate me, trying to emotionally blackmail you because of the children.

Is there anyone else that she can contact if there is a genuine emergency who can then contact you?

You could then allow this person to get through when you put your phone on do not disturb.

I do kind of think ‘turn your phone off’ is a 2006 answer.

You’ll want to take photos and videos, pay for things, check your bank balance, check in with one another (where are you / over by the ice cream stall) sort of thing.

Men can’t win, can they? If they have a 50/50 arrangement, they get accused of trying to get of maintenance but any less than 50% attracts criticism too

Absolutely no way are you cutting short your holiday!! Your husband gave her money to book childcare so what's she done with that

No, l wouldnt in these circumstances. She needs to organise herself better. I also get a vibe of sabotage off her

I don't normally agree with step parenting threads, she is being bonkers.

I do not agree with you admitting you don't want them included on ALL holidays. They were there before YOU. Regardless of if their mother cheated or not.