AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

Because it's statistically very very rare, especially during the postpartum phase. It sounds more like a story a narcissist would make up about his "crazy ex" and obviously you can say that about anyone and immediately garner sympathy points.

Most women move out after being abused or emotionally manipulated. Every single real life case we've heard of with the mum moving away shortly after having a baby, even if she did have an affair or did other things, there was still abhorrent behaviour from the man involved.

This is what I have difficulty with. Their mum can go on holiday with her partner and two bio kids without their two half siblings and that’s fine. But woe betide their dad doing what amounts to the same thing. Yes, we know mum isn’t related to the two younger kids but her children are. Why does it work for one and not the other ?

I can 100% understand why the OP and her husband don’t want four children of very different ages and stages at Disney. I think it’s unfair to berate her for this. It’s always going to be difficult getting a ‘perfect’ holiday in a blended family, there’s always going to be a compromise somewhere.

I think DH needs to just book something, though.

That’s still not a reason to suppose the same thing is happening here despite being told it’s not.

You missed the first phrase, “my personal view”. That might not be your personal view, but that’s how opinions work, shocker!

There we are OP. Cut and dried. Your DH’s ex is making life difficult for you, so your best option is to cave to her demands. Got that ?!!

I think that if you assume that an awful lot of the replies are from shit stirring contrarians or illogical dimwits you have your answer.

I generally take statistically very rare over what the new partner has been told was the cause of the breakdown

Made me laugh out loud 😂

And that’s you’re prerogative of course.

Wtf? I can totally understand the op not wanting this. I wouldn’t in her shoes.

But the DP?.. good grief no

Can you get past him not taking the younger ones last year when he took the 6 and 8 year old?

Since when is 2 4 6 8 a really big age difference?

It is when you're 8 and you're pissed off with everthing arranged around the 2 and 4 year old!

So what you’re saying is that both sets of parents should be taking all the children away with them when they go on holiday ?

It is. There are six years between the youngest and the oldest. Think about what your average two year old can do developmentally and your average eight year old.

I have a five year old and a three year old and even that small age gap can sometimes feel quite overwhelming. And four children is a lot for anybody.

The affair began before she became pregnant, hence the need for the paternity test to establish that OP’s DH is actually the father.

“His ex cheated from before she was pregnant with their youngest. He didn’t even know until testing was done if it was his child or not it was an awful situation.”

And the Misandrist of the Year award goes to...

Men have affairs. No shit Sherlock. But to do so they need someone else to have the affair with. Most of the time that will be a woman. Ergo women have affairs too. QED.

And who's to say the affair started during Covid? It may have started before and she was just waiting until she'd had her husband's baby to leave.

Can’t imagine many eight year olds being OK with what a two and four year old want to do on holiday.

They often have affairs with younger, single women.

Of course women have affairs too but not usually with very small children.

I expect there will be ...

So if he couldn’t handle 4 at the same time, he shouldn’t have had 4

I always thought Disney Paris was the type of place you went to for a few nights only? When are you due back?

Indeed..a normal sibling gap, but within families with the same mum and dad…just 2 years between the dad’s youngest and eldest with different women is just yikes, and says everything we need to know here.