Page 27 | AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

UnhealthierWhy · 2026-08-08T11:20:52+00:00

This is not our problem ??? We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8). He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off. She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way. This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

sueelleker · 10/08/2026 16:26

Presumably she's still got the money for the child care she "forgot" to book. She can use that to book another child minder.

Seethethingis · 10/08/2026 16:27

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 16:21

You keep using very judgemental terms like screwing and shagging. It doesn’t matter what poor behaviour the adults have done, the children aren’t a punishment. They’re a responsibility. The mother can behave appallingly if she wishes but it doesn’t diminish the father’s responsibility to take care of his older children and they shouldn’t suffer because of their parents choices.

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My apologies. Making love soulfully to some man who wasn’t her partner then, if you prefer.
I do judge her. She’s not exactly admirable in her behaviour, is she? Her kids will be fine, she will be forced to clear up her own mess. It will be a drag for her but so what? Their younger siblings are also important in all this.

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 16:30

Seethethingis · 10/08/2026 16:27

My apologies. Making love soulfully to some man who wasn’t her partner then, if you prefer.
I do judge her. She’s not exactly admirable in her behaviour, is she? Her kids will be fine, she will be forced to clear up her own mess. It will be a drag for her but so what? Their younger siblings are also important in all this.

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So you think her children should suffer because of her personal choices?
They have a perfectly good father who you think should be able to use their mother’s behaviour as a way to escape parenting his children with her? Is she a bad mother? And if she is, shouldn’t he try to be a better father, rather than an absent one?
What’s the end result there, 2 sad kids with 2 crappy parents.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/08/2026 16:32

A comprehension issue rather than a literacy one, then.

Daddy would not have been looking after them – because the two weeks he was not looking after them in were the two weeks they would have been being looked after by their mother if she hadn't messed up childcare. Oh, sorry, oops, she wouldn't have been looking after them; she would have been putting them in childcare. But to blame the father for not looking after them when he would not have been looking after them anyway seems unlikely to be something the kids would do.

And your "the summer they hardly saw their dad": horsefeathers. Why would they remember it as any different from any other six weeks during which they saw him and their stepmother for the usual amount of time? He is taking them on holiday this month during the time they would be spending with him; he has not taken them on holiday during the time they would be spending with their mother if they were going to be with her rather than with the childcare people, her mother, and apparently everyone except the partner who mattered so much to her she smashed her marriage for him.

Give over. The elder children are getting no worse deal than they always do: with their mother for most of their time, since their father has them for ten days and nights a month (ie more than "every other weekend", which doesn't seem to be thought to amount to child neglect). There is no reason whatever for them to feel ill-done-by because (since there was no emergency) their father failed to come running, not home but to their home, to save them from their mother's incompetence. They will only know about it at all if their mother uses it to poison their minds against their father.

Seethethingis · 10/08/2026 16:36

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 16:30

So you think her children should suffer because of her personal choices?
They have a perfectly good father who you think should be able to use their mother’s behaviour as a way to escape parenting his children with her? Is she a bad mother? And if she is, shouldn’t he try to be a better father, rather than an absent one?
What’s the end result there, 2 sad kids with 2 crappy parents.

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The children aren’t going to suffer if their own mother has to take some leave from work to look after them 🙄
Their father isn’t escaping, he’s on holiday. He’s not available. This thread wouldn’t exist if it was a life and death situation, nobody would argue then that the family shouldn’t be on the next flight home (I hope!)
The younger kids experiences should not be sacrificed on the altar of this woman’s convenience or preferences.

itsgettingweird · 10/08/2026 16:40

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 01:22

I have read the whole thread and my comprehension is fine, you’ve just missed my point.

What I’m saying is that IF whilst he was on that holiday OP had needed him, for some reason, to come back from his holiday urgently and look after his (& her) children, he would have been expected to step up and help. But because these are his children with another woman she’s happy for him to leave them without a second parent when they need him to be present. He’s not “childcare” he is their father and should behave as such. She just resents it spoiling her holiday. It is a crap situation but your holiday doesn’t come before his parenting duty to his children.

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An emergency. Yes.

A lack of being organised by the RP during their contact time. No. It’s not an emergency.

She just took money for childcare and did t book it. Pocketed the money and OP (who is not the children’s mum or dad) looked after them.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 10/08/2026 16:53

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 12:09

Do you take everything that you read on here as face value?
The Ex had the affair yet there is stepping stones between the children.
It’s a very unlikely scenario, unless they are a rabbit.
He has the children weekends and holidays not around his working week. I wouldn’t call him very committed, then he spends the weekend with 4 little ones. Sounds like he’s chasing his tail.

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I do treat what someone posts as true, unless it's obviously not. Otherwise what's the point?

The Ex moved 3 hours away, hence the current custody arrangement.

OP said they are saving to move closer to her, so that DH can see the children more.

It might be that OP fell pregnant very soon after starting TTC. Or it might have been a happy accident. Or many other things that we don't know...

It might of course all be lies 🤷‍♀️

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 17:03

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/08/2026 16:32

A comprehension issue rather than a literacy one, then.

Daddy would not have been looking after them – because the two weeks he was not looking after them in were the two weeks they would have been being looked after by their mother if she hadn't messed up childcare. Oh, sorry, oops, she wouldn't have been looking after them; she would have been putting them in childcare. But to blame the father for not looking after them when he would not have been looking after them anyway seems unlikely to be something the kids would do.

And your "the summer they hardly saw their dad": horsefeathers. Why would they remember it as any different from any other six weeks during which they saw him and their stepmother for the usual amount of time? He is taking them on holiday this month during the time they would be spending with him; he has not taken them on holiday during the time they would be spending with their mother if they were going to be with her rather than with the childcare people, her mother, and apparently everyone except the partner who mattered so much to her she smashed her marriage for him.

Give over. The elder children are getting no worse deal than they always do: with their mother for most of their time, since their father has them for ten days and nights a month (ie more than "every other weekend", which doesn't seem to be thought to amount to child neglect). There is no reason whatever for them to feel ill-done-by because (since there was no emergency) their father failed to come running, not home but to their home, to save them from their mother's incompetence. They will only know about it at all if their mother uses it to poison their minds against their father.

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All perfectly reasonable from an adults’ perspective.
But to an 8 year old?
Mummy has to work and daddy can’t look after you because he’s in Disneyland with his new babies.

Seethethingis · 10/08/2026 17:09

I have a 7 year old who understands that sometimes dad is off doing things with his 14 year old sister. My 3 year old not so much, but an 8 year old who hasn’t yet grasped that he has siblings who also deserve all things he gets to enjoy? Like time with Dad and trips to Disney for example?
Still not convinced it’s defensible to flush the rest of the family’s holiday down the toilet because
a) an 8 year old doesn’t understand sharing and taking turns
b) some random woman doesn’t want to take leave from work
c) said random woman might blame said 8 year olds father rather just dealing with her own issue like a grown up

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/08/2026 17:34

SooPanda · 10/08/2026 17:03

All perfectly reasonable from an adults’ perspective.
But to an 8 year old?
Mummy has to work and daddy can’t look after you because he’s in Disneyland with his new babies.

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To an 8 year old

Mummy has to work so she puts me in childcare during the school holidays and Daddy can’t look after me then because they are the days that are Mummy's days.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/08/2026 23:40

So assuming you stayed and finished holiday @UnhealthierWhy

sp who had the kids yesterday and today

Kippershirt · 12/08/2026 14:40

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AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 12/08/2026 14:48

I think we have to conclude she was, or it wouldn't have been "we" who had to turn "phones" off.

Kippershirt · 12/08/2026 14:50

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