AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

That's because this is MN where the children of 2nd marriages are not worthy of any consideration, it's all about the children from the 1st marriage dontcha know.

What’s she spent the holiday childcare money on?

I don’t think you should cut your holiday short.

I do think your partner could step up a bit more over the holidays though. He only has his kids ten days a month so the burden of sorting most of the holiday childcare falls to their mother who is also working. Rather than just sending her some money, why couldn’t he take on a bit of the mental load and actually organise and book some of the childcare and/or have them a bit more? Or take them on holiday? It must be pretty horrible for the older two to only see their dad ten days a month when the two younger half-siblings are with him all the time. Surely he could take the older two on rides whilst you sort the little ones out?

Yes I would always prioritise my dd over my dsc , 100%.
I’m just not shocked or bothered by the op’s husband leaving his dc behind because I know men (most of them) are different to us.
how does it help op that people point out to her that her DH did a wrong thing by leaving his dc behind? Is she meant to think for him and ensure they are invited? she won’t because she doesn’t want to and she openly said he doesn’t want to either.
The point of this post if whether the holiday should be cut short to help with childcare, not to question the op’s husband’s moral choices… not to mention her pregnancy timings!

Seems simple enough to me. Ex took the money for the kids to have childcare for a week (even though this was during her time for having them, so DH didn't have to give it to her). She didn't use it during the first week. So she presumably still has it and can use it to pay someone to look after her children this week instead.

They're not going to think- our dad who's gone to live with a new family and we only see less than half the time has gone to Disney world with his new kids and left us behind. But that's ok because he did take us a whole year ago.

I tend to agree to some extent. The youngest of husband's older children would have only been 2 when OP's oldest child was born.

Bio mum bingo, have we had “psycho” yet?

Blimey, what a bunch of vile judgy women on this thread. Give your heads a f’ing wobble, you should feel ashamed by some of the comments on here.
OP don’t leave early. The wife has a partner, so surly he needs to act like a father and partner and parent his step kids.

'And you're going away with Daddy in three weeks' wouldn't help at all either? Or 'And you went on holiday to the beach with Mummy and Jamie'?

I’m with you. I’m struggling to understand how a Dad can go on holiday to Disney with only half his children.

They're just as likely to think 'our mum cheated on our Dad and made my Dad live somewhere else, so now we have 2 younger siblings who he is trying to make sure get to have the same holiday we had'.

At no point has the OP said even the ex has mentioned the children are upset about this.

Maybe read the OP's updates

She then moved really far away, we have been saving and looking to move nearer to them again so dh can see them more.

Your husband paid some money towards holiday club for his children, that was over his ex-wife's contact time?! You then ended up looking after the children anyway, because she didn't book the holiday club!! It's your husband's ex-wife's responsibility to arrange and pay for childcare during her time! Your husband needs to ask for the money back.

It sounds to me as if your husband needs stronger boundaries in place. His ex doesn't bother arranging child care, because she knows either you or your husband will step in to help! She's not arranged childcare this time, even though she knows you are away in Disney Paris, but is still expecting you both to just accept you need to come home early!

If your husband doesn't start putting boundaries in place, then his ex is going to continue to trample all over you both. Your husband needs to message her: "Laura, you are responsible for arranging childcare when it's your time with the children. You've had ample time to do this. As you are aware, we are away in Disney Paris, and won't be home until X. We won't be coming home early. You will need to make your own arrangements. I will speak to you once we're home". You then turn your phones off.

It may seem mean, but at the moment there's no consequences for her actions (or non action!). She just expects you to roll over and accommodate. In an absolute emergency of course, you'd help. This isn't an emergency, this is a situation of her own making. Boundaries and consequences, and then she'll think twice!

Bloody hell, grown women getting emotional over a Disney holiday. I bet the young kids don’t give a monkey, yet a bunch of grown ups considers a Disney holiday as some form of love declaration.

None of this matters, because the dad went to Disney without his kids. He’s won the bad parent game. Can you see how both sides on this forum are ridiculous?

I bet they do.

First wives shouldn't be held to account, they can do whatever they like with whoever they like. It's always the Dad and new wife's fault if the Mum can't be bothered making arrangements. Even when she's been given the money to do so. Or that she moved away and now OP is planning to uproot her family to be closer to the ex so they can see the DC.

That comment wasn’t to contradict you, just a continuation of what you’ve picked out from her posts. Just feels very convenient OP is ticking all the saint boxes (even saving up to move next them god bless her) and the ex all the devil ones. Just all a bit predictable if you ask me.