AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

@UnhealthierWhy
Turn off your phones and get on with your holiday/lives
She's a manipulator
And is using "childcare chaos" as a stick to beat you both with
Don't let her
She's going to have to learn to be more organised isn't she?
My only concern is
Is she the sort to be 'neglectful"
Whilst telling tales of cruelty and disregard
To make youse both look like a terrible couple
If you've an inkling that could be so
Let her know you know
And remind her you've always been at her beck and call many a time
In the past

I agree with others that you don't go home early, the childcare problem is the musk to sort and sounds like it's of her own making.

That doesn't mean it's ok to go to Disneyland with only 2 of your 4 young children. It's vile.

The children of the second marriage are in Disneyland with their parents as they should be, the older children are not while their parent is. It's horrible. I actually also think all 4 should probably have gone last year but choosing not to take a baby and toddler is more understandable than not taking 2 kids old enough to understand they've been left behind.

You've just described DSD's mother in a nutshell. Just because neither you nor I would behave like that don't assume it's the same for all women, they walk among us.

I thought exactly the same.
The children are aged
8
6
4
2

Yeah it’s just they seem to be statistically much more common on MN don’t they…

If these children were all the OPs biological children, having had 2 with a new father, would she have left the eldest two of her children behind?

The same mother who required the help of a DNA test to figure out who the father of her children was? Really?

The projection on this from certain posters thread is crazy. Wrong forum to post on OP. You will never win if you are a step-parent and apparently all blended families (which are a huge percentage these days) all fit the same mould etc. etc.

I think it comes across that you and DP are working together with his ex to do the best thing for everyone, which we all know is not always the case. Absolutely he should be helping out with school holiday childcare and he has! No child has missed out on anything, (accept maybe your children, if following the logic of certain posters should also be included with their (half-siblings) when they go away independently with their other parent. Assuming they want to.

I doubt either set of children themselves are not annoyed because they feel like they are missing out. For the older 2 any reasonable parent would ensure a simple reminder that dad took them last year and they would be bored doing the toddler stuff this time around. They are all going away together in a few weeks and you have your holiday with mum.

It is just the way it is, and fact of life. Both sets of children have holidays together, and separately. No one is hard done by. I do get it, I unfortunatly have to write reports for court in private family law cases. It is nearly always about the adult animosity rather than the actual child. If the DH was only taking kids with OP on all holidays so they were missing out, the children themselves may feel hard done by. In this instance both sets of children get multiple holidays, either together or with the resident parent. Unless there is 'trip of a lifetime' as they get older that the other misses out on, I doubt they will care.

Nope the fact that she was 4 months pregnant when he arrived back from a 6 month deployment (DSD was 10 months old), moved 50 miles away and never put DSD in childcare despite asking for £ for it, kinda gave it away.

Very unlikely train of thought for a 6 and 8 yr old sat in childcare while their dad has their younger siblings in Disneyland.

Normally I’d agree. But op said DP took the older two to Disney the previous year. Meaning, perhaps he also likes the time alone with the older ones two? It would be unfair if he only likes time with the younger her two and then all together.

“The same mother who required the help of a DNA test to figure out who the father of her children was….”
Sorry you’ve lost me here @BudgetBuster
What mother ?
The OP or the mother of the stepchildren ?

Also agree what happened to the money sent for childcare? Is she just pocketing it?

That was my first thought too!

I'm not suggesting she's a saint, clearly, I'm saying in the stakes of shit parenting forgetting to book a holiday club is less shit than going to Disney without your 6 and 8 yr old. For all I know she's a horrible cow, but I certainly no he's no dad of the year however the op tries to sell it

The mother of the stepchildren.

He loves with the youngest 30-31 days a month, the older kids are there 10 days a month. He gets 20-21 days a month alone with his younger kids. Taking them to Disney alone doesn't really seem necessary there

Oh lord I’ve been part of military life FAR too long to have taken this at face value. Nothing is ever black and white. That’s why me and the other poster are raising our eyebrows at the simplistic and convenient story spouted out here. I have NO doubt your fella’s story was not black and white either. People are more complex than good and bad.

Thank you @BudgetBusterfor taking the time to reply.

And just to add, as a single mother (loan parent due to other parent being suddenly dead) you do not just 'forget' to book provisions for child care in the holidays. Particularly if you have had the handy reminder of having the money transferred to you to do so. I get some absent fathers are complete shits who think their £20 a week or whatever and one night of having their child means dad of the year, but by no means all of them. In this case, the ex made the choice to leave and move some distance away which is absolutely her right. However this will the make practicalities of day-to-day coparenting more difficult.

I'm really pleased that everyone on this thread can afford to take 4 children to Disneyland at the same time.

No cost of living issues here!

(I do agree the OP's other half is a very quick worker)

Nobody is trying to say he's Dad of the year... not once did the OP mention that. She dis however say that her husband took his 2 eldest kids to Disney last year.

I've mentioned earlier that in the last 12 months we have done something similar. My SS is 14, our shared children are 2 and under. We did some weekends away (staycations or visiting family) with the babies while my SS was at his mums because he would have been bored stiff engaging in baby friendly activities. On the flipside, my DH has taken SS on 2 European breaks in 2026 so far that were age appropriate and geared towards his interests - trips that aren't suitable for the younger kids.

Certainly when I was younger (in a nuclear family) my older brothers went on trips that I didn't go on... and I went on some trips my brothers didn't.

Fair and equal aren't necessarily the same thing. They could get equal holidays but they might not be fair given a 1 yr old and a 7yr old have different needs and desires.