AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

Many people do, so you will have to get over it. One of my daughters is currently on holidays with her aunt , the other is home with me. Believe me everyone is ok , no one developed ptsd from not coming on holidays.

Yes! I was expecting them to be teenagers.

She said he tookk them last year for a 'totally different Disney trip all about rides' but the youngest would have been 5, a year older than her oldest. 2,4,6and8 yr olds would absolutely all be able to enjoy a similar Disney trip.

Bet the youngest are girls and eldest are boys. But even then we're planning Disney and my 8 yr old claims he's doing the prince thing when little does the princess thing. But even if not it's ridiculous, horrible.

Are they very small kids, ages 2-8 like the ones in the op?

i wonder how the kids feel about it when their dad takes his new family to Disney land and leaves them behind.

Well it does seem to be a bit shitty to carry on holidaying with family #2 while your kids from family #1 are in need of childcare. But I see you think you/DH balance this by having some holidays with all kids and he has some with only the older ones.

He should have booked the childcare himself if she's pulled this kind of thing before.

His options now are to

1. Tell her he isn't coming back and she will need to take unpaid leave or emergency childcare leave or pull in however many favours she can from friends until he is back or
2. He leaves a day/few days early to look after his older kids and you stay on for the rest of your planned holiday

Given there's not huge age gaps between the kids then him using his leave to go on holiday with all his kids in future might be worth reconsidering.

He’s a guy , you know very well that man don’t treat their children the same way women do. If they did there wouldn’t be so many men leaving their wives and kids for other women , often choosing to parent their new stepkids over their own dc. Just to keep the new partner happy.

Last yr they were 1 and 3, too young to understand, that's different to leaving a 6 and 8 yr old home

Doesn't make it not disgusting

It's probably tempered by their holiday with him last year.

Bonding time for them, money , logistics, lots of reasons. I get to enjoy time with my other dd.
it’s a holiday! Since when is a trip abroad (or in the uk) a matter of such importance? It’s a few days of fun , nothing else.

But there is only a very small age gap between these 4 children. The older two won't be big enough are for the big rides anyway.
The older two are still very young and are probably the perfect age for Disney. The 2 year old isn't going to get very much out of it.

I highly doubt it. That's not how the mind of 6 and. 8 year olds work. Plus a year is a lifetime for kids that young.

Also not a single mum, happily married to the father of my DC but even I think it’s batshit for a woman to think a man with two toddlers at home is an attractive proposition. Not even just that but to get pregnant a year after his youngest child with another woman was born! Soooo many child free single men out there but OP wanted this guy?

Also think it’s fine to do separate things with kids when there’s a huge age gap. If she met him and his kids were much older then fair enough if they didn’t want to come to Disney. And yes he took them last year alone, they should still be invited on this trip.

Totally different. I take my teen DC’s on holidays alone so we can have 1:1 and also do something they would specifically enjoy. We also have family holidays we all enjoy, Disney would be one such holiday.

Could all four of your husband's children not go on holiday together?

Why can’t your dh book the childcare. She pays him for her half (or whatever the cost arrangement is) and he books it then she doesn’t have to worry about not having childcare.

But is the holiday with the aunt a very child focused holiday like Disneyland and are the children close in age?

Mystic Meg has arrived!

I was more talking about him taking the older ones last year. This is what OP said -

They went last year so that they could do the exact things they like and not have to have younger ones ruining it with nap times etc etc . Plus we wanted to do very different things they liked the rides and things this time it’s more the princesses etc

I don't think a 6 and 8 year old would have difficulty grasping that they went so now the younger ones are getting to go.

But again, you're focusing on his older kids and not mentioning the younger ones who didn't go last time.

And I went to Disney Florida last year without one of my daughters. People are different.

They are too young to think like that. And a year is a long time for children that age.
But also last year his children with OP were 1 and 3 so they wouldn't even realise that their older siblings were going to Disneyland with their dad. A 6 and 8 year old will definitely know and remember

They'd forget all about a holiday with their Dad to themselves instead of sharing attention with little ones?

Honestly? I wouldn’t have had children with a man who only had his existing children 10 nights a month.
The ex may well be batshit but your DH also isn’t exactly father of the year?