AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

There seems to be a missing adult in all this.

Is the ex still with her new partner, the one she cheated on the DH with? if so, why is he having nothing to do with her failure to parent her children? Ought he not to be stepping up, as the OH did, to cover for his partner's deficiencies? It seems rather unfair for OP to have looked after these unfortunate children with the flakey mum for the ex, but the ex's partner not to have to do anything for the children in this "childcare crisis".

Or has the ex also dispensed with this new partner since May when the pair of them took the two older children to Spain for a holiday?

The question of the response to a lack of having a plan B for childcare and expecting someone to come home from holiday is very different from that of whether you should enter a relationship with someone who has very young children.

This post has some crazy reactions and I think not reading the OPs comments either.

kids based on ages could be almost 3 years apart in months but 2 years in age let’s say there is 2 years and 10 months between them. In 2018 A woman with a 2 year old has an affair and her DH finds out when she leaves him. Soon after this they find out she is pregnant and then DNA tests show this is the ExH not OM. 2020 EXH meets new woman OP and it’s suddenly covid so they move in and everything goes faster than normal (covid) they get pregnant in 2021. At this point their children have ages 2 years apart but sometimes it’s 3 years apart. Actual age difference 2 years 10
months. Now we don’t know this because it’s actually none of our business, but it’s just as plausible a scenario as the conjecture in some of the comments who desperately want the DH to be a waster dad and the OP to be the OW even if unwittingly.
OP in answer ignore she’s trying to ruin your holiday just enjoy. I agree maybe more days would be better sooner if you can for access.

I agree but to make a baby with a man with a 3 yr old and a 1 year old without foreseeing some issues seems reckless.

OP (ignoring the young SC's ages) makes OP look NBU, but the rest of the story doesn't.

Why did your DH not take two of his children on holiday?

Did she return the extra money she demanded but then 'forgot' to book? In future were I your husband I would only pay any extra holidy money when she shows confirmed bookings. She a grasper.

So that doesn't tell us why they aren't with you this time

Christ why would you get pregnant to a man with 2 toddlers that's just left his partner?!

Well all the bitter single mums are out in force on this thread 😂

Its very bizarre that people are telling the OP that she is a awful person for taking her 2 children on holiday with their dad, but it’s perfectly okay for the older children to have a holiday with just their dad, as a blended family of 4 kids and also on their own with their mum. God forbid the OP takes the younger two on their own for 1 holiday while the older two have 3 holidays. Are the younger kids not allowed quality time with their parents too? Or are only the older two important because they come from a ‘broken home’?

Pathetic!

How old are they?

I can't imagine going on holiday to Disney land and leaving 2 children behind, I can't believe your husband was ok with that, I'd be miffed too on their behalf if I was their mum

If he's given her money for childcare, why isn't she using it? Ok, the playschemes etc may be booked up, but at those ages I'd find a sensible teenager to "babysit" for a few days. Sounds like she's just being awkward.

So I've been with my husband 20 years, we have 2 kids, I'm not a single mother bitter or otherwise.

My brother has 2 kids and 2 step kids. I can't imagine him taking just his step kids on holiday leaving his kids home and if they had kids together I can't imagine that either.

As a parent I can't imagine booking Disneyland, going and not taking my kids who are old enough to enjoy it.

Yes younger kids can enjoy a holiday obviously but why not with their older siblings there too?

Only a couple of years older than his new family

That’s a really nasty thing to say. The older children went to Disney last year without the younger two and op is taking all four away later in the holidays. Wind ypur neck in @Doteycat

SHE is their MOTHER but only seems to remember thay fact when demanding money and lying about the purpose. This is MN, I assume she can palm her responsibilities off on the father.

Stop asking the OP why she and her husband didn’t invite the older kids to Disney! They said they didn't want to, what’s so difficult to understand.

Sorry missed the ages, he went to Disney and left a 6 and 8 yr old home? That's horrific behaviour, childcare aside that's horrible parenting. I couldn't leave my kids out, and they are around that age, imagine just having 2 new toddler so being alright leaving them home to go to DISNEY of all places. I can't get my head around how your husband doesn't feel sick with guilt.

No you shouldn't have to return early. But it's a shame that your husband's two older children are not with you in Disney Land given they are also still very young

Well, that’s you. Other people do go on holidays without their stepkids. I have 5 kids including sdc and we frequently holiday in smaller groups , leaving others behind. No one has any issues.
stop telling others how they should behave and applying your lens to other people’s choices.

It's genuinely difficult for me to understand how a parent could 'not want to invite' their 2 young children on a trip the were taking to Disneyland. The very idea of going off to do that with other children, I'm looking at my own 8 and 5 yr olds right now and I can't even imagine the callousness. They'd be heartbroken. It's unfathomable that he as a parent could happily do that.

I mean I take the point that if two of the kids are much older it may make sense to do separate trips. But the older kids are 6 and 8, not 16 and 18. They are so close in age. It is insane to me that you wouldn’t take the four of them together.

And yeah I know they went last year and blah blah. I still think it’s unreasonable and mean.

Would you leave YOUR 6 and 8 yr old home and take YOUR 2 and 4 yr old to Disney? You'd be happy doing that? I'm not judging HER, I'm judging HIM that that could sit well with him.