AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

[Yrepw]

I truly dislike them. Of course there’s one or two I hold in high esteem but even they are entitled in a way that most women are not.

I used to love the idea of marriage and even being a stay at home parent, the idea of being a team with a man and building a relationship. I’m now in my forties and quite literally every man I have been involved with has caused me some pain in some way. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But truly, the way I have been treated by men even at the best of times has often been filled with stress, being patronised, being let down. I know people will read this and think ‘well choose a better man’ but honestly these men were some of the ‘good ones.’

I would love to have a marriage but can’t face a man in my life. Sadly I’m not a lesbian. Has anyone else reached this point?!

I don't need to be in a relationship. The best man I know is my best friend. Everyone says what a lovely guy he is.

I’m 60 and have a string of disastrous relationships behind me which have completely put me off. For the longest time I had no idea why I kept finding myself in these situations. The last relationship ended four years ago and I finally realised the problem was I had no boundaries.

I’m absolutely not interested in dating now, but I came across the Burned Haystack Dating Method the other day and it’s interesting just for the rhetorical patterns you learn to recognise which indicate very early on whether it’s worth having any kind of relationship with a particular person. I recommend taking a look at it.

If I ever do feel like dating again, I should be introducing very firm boundaries and will be able to recognise much much sooner than before, when someone is a d*ck.

Men are humans and therefore fallible. Relationships end and it’s painful, that’s their nature. What exactly do you want, and equally pertinently, what exactly are you bringing to the table?

Staggered by the volume of ‘men - not for me’ themed responses on here. Just stop and consider for a moment … EVERY ONE of the deadbeat, slovenly, selfish, oafish, lazy unhygienic arsehole men under consideration have ONE thing in common - a woman, aka Mother. Give me the boy and I will give you the man, as someone once said. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone … as someone else once said.

Same here. I honestly don’t think I could be bothered to wade through all the crap on the off chance I’d find someone reasonably ok.

I could have written the exact same paragraph almost verbatim. My two daughters (in their twenties) are identical to yours in terms of how the feel about men. One daughter is talking about artificial insemination at some point.

I hear ya sister. I absolutely am at that point, and have been for years. I am now content....just myself and my dog for company....😂

Most men are awful - my DH is, however, a wonderful fair man who after almost 20 years has never disappointed me- he has flaws like all of us but is a genuinely brilliant human being

For most single women if they're lonely there are better ways to beat the loneliness than to take a gamble on a relationship with a man. I think all romantic relationships involve risk but most of us get more cynical with age and experience.

I was lucky enough to have a couple of positive relationships when I was too young to settle down and then got together with my lovely DH at 42. But I had about 12 years in between when I realised how truly awful a lot of men are. I'm very happy with my husband but won't be looking for another man should I lose him. Interestingly, I feel much more open to relationships with women now, should I become single. I do wonder if I suppressed my attraction without even realising when same sex relationships were much less socially acceptable than they are now. Are you sure you aren't bi/a lesbian, @Yrepw? I think the opportunities would be much better!

Oh, give over and read some feminism, for goodness sake!

I completely agree with this. I’ve been with my husband since teens, he is truly one of the good ones. If for whatever reason we were no longer together, I would have absolutely no interest in finding another relationship with a man.

I was married for a long time to the father of my children, who walked out on us. That was many years ago and I didn't look for a relationship while I tried to sort out divorce, moving, finances etc - I felt at rock bottom and as if noone would have me. Since then I've been on dating sites and matched with literally hundreds of men. Not that they were all dreadful, but I realised that there was no way I wanted to live with or wake up every day with any of them. And I don't have to! I have relationships with men I like and only see them when we both feel like it. I love them but only in small doses and don't want to be taken for granted or to argue about lids on toothpaste. My kids are grown up, and I am financially independent. I don't need an 'other half'.
It's possible, of course, that I could meet someone and change my mind, but I doubt it. Most of the hundreds of men I have dated over the years since my marriage have been rather too keen on their own voices, too keen to tell me what to do and think, and rather boring. This is not true of my female friends.