AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

[Yrepw]

I truly dislike them. Of course there’s one or two I hold in high esteem but even they are entitled in a way that most women are not.

I used to love the idea of marriage and even being a stay at home parent, the idea of being a team with a man and building a relationship. I’m now in my forties and quite literally every man I have been involved with has caused me some pain in some way. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But truly, the way I have been treated by men even at the best of times has often been filled with stress, being patronised, being let down. I know people will read this and think ‘well choose a better man’ but honestly these men were some of the ‘good ones.’

I would love to have a marriage but can’t face a man in my life. Sadly I’m not a lesbian. Has anyone else reached this point?!

Oh please

@NiftyTraybake sorry but this made me laugh 😂 the largely violent and controlling group of people can’t get access to their children against women who are killed weekly by that group?

Poor lambs. They just can’t get access.

Reality: there’s reasons men often don’t get access and it’s usually abuse, violence or other lovely quality they possess.

If there are so many good men out there, why aren’t they calling out the bad ones? When men are together they are so often thoughtless, gross, pathetic ‘lads being lads’. Presumably at least some of them in these groups are the ‘good’ men some PP moon over. Either they’re too scared to call out bad attitudes (cowards) or they share them…

Plus, can I just point out that sooo many men in my age group (60s) are incredibly boring?

The children often become used as weapons in a divorce, but there is little point in discussing this on MN.

It isn't emotionally easy and they cheat.

Plus, can I just point out that sooo many men in my age group (60s) are incredibly boring?

And yes, they are fucking boring. Obsessed with themselves, entitled,and dull. Plus they demand physical high standards in the women they want, yet they themselves are generally bald, jowly, beer gutted, man boobed, and saggy scrotummed.

I am hoping they exaggerate a bit, but if you believe the women on MN, the majority hate birthdays, parties, friends, holidays, engagements, weddings, travel, sport, anything foreign, the heat, the cold, the rain, exercise, and never answer the phone or open the door and want nothing but staying in their pjs all evening and weekends.

They sound fascinating 😂

sooo many men in my age group (60s) are incredibly boring?
Very likely. But they're not the only ones 😂

Great example of the 99 to 1 rule of the internet.

Do you hang out with "the bad ones" yourself?
What makes you think normal men have any interest in hanging out with the bad ones themselves?

I wouldn't be around so many of the MN posters, it's not worth it, so I don't expect my male friends to hand around the male equivalent and police them.

I didn’t explain myself very well, sorry. I meant that yes, we all have to spend time with other people eg at work, doing sport, school gates, travelling who we wouldn’t necessarily choose to associate with. In doing so we can encounter ‘bad ones’, off views, poor behaviour. Every time we don’t call out these things, we tacitly endorse/enable them.

Yes yes silence is complicity etc etc. Technically I agree with you but it would be fucking exhausting calling everything out every time, especially if it's a passing interaction with someone you don't have to see frequently.

I also think that as you get older you encounter these views much less, because you shape your social circle according to your own values. All the men in my social circle are what I'd call good men - that is no accident, that is because I only allow good men into my social circle. Consequently DH and I aren't really in the position of having to call anyone out much. On top of that anyone who knows me is fully aware of my opinions - if they did hold any problematic views they wouldn't be airing them around me.

That's kind of the problem - the real deep-rooted misogyny is mostly in a different bubble to the people who might call it out.

Although in the minority, men are killed by their partners. My cousin was stabbed by his and died, she went to prison and their 6 month old son went to live with my other cousin and his wife.

Is it not obvious that men commit more violent crimes because they're physically stronger? I don't think women are any less likely to feel anger or have violent thoughts (just speaking for myself here) - they just know that actually throwing a punch isn't going to end well for them.

The Power by Naomi Alderman is a very thought-provoking novel with the premise "what if women suddenly had more physical strength than men". After I finished it I had several very enjoyable violent fantasies about what I'd do with that power and to whom.

It’s weird isn’t it OP. I actually know a lot of who i’d consider to be eligible men in their 40s /early 50s, but i’m partnered and no doubt if i was single they wouldn’t fancy me or be available.
Are you into running or cycling? You can meet lots of men at running clubs. Thing is, the single ones are often divorced with kids, and this isn’t what women always want?

Of the single men i know who have never married or had kids, there are reasons for it. Some are very overweight (not trying to be unkind but it’s not usually sought after in a partner) , drink or drugs problems, divisive political views or extremely picky.

It depends what you can tolerate and what you will put up with. One of my oldest friends is single at 41 and hasn’t had a relationship for about 15 years. She isn’t great at compromise and always told me she would never date a man who watched football. This is ruling out 50% of men, probably more!
Don't want to tolerate things? That’s fine but it makes it harder to find a relationship. You need to work out what is more important to you.
Enjoy your life, space and time!
Personally if i was single i’d find a FWB on the apps and live in my own house with cats and DD.

I'm sorry, but much of this is bizarre.

Single sex schooling? Yes, that's me. I loved it. No restrictions whilst growing up to be melded by the men or boys around you. I was able to be me. Naughty actually, mischievous actually, and learning to accept the boundaries. Anyone who criticises single sex schooling only does so as an outsider. it was the best, and the least restrictive.

@Singlemumsurvivor that’s awful. It’s still men as perpetrators much more often, though.

I went to an all girl-school and to a mix school. I made friends, and I can also categorically say that some girls are absolute bitches, never seen such behaviour with boys.

No restrictions whilst growing up to be melded by the men or boys around you. I was able to be me if you changed your behaviour because you wanted to make an impression on boys, it's on you. It's weird, but it's purely you. Most of us don't do that 😂