AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

[Yrepw]

I truly dislike them. Of course there’s one or two I hold in high esteem but even they are entitled in a way that most women are not.

I used to love the idea of marriage and even being a stay at home parent, the idea of being a team with a man and building a relationship. I’m now in my forties and quite literally every man I have been involved with has caused me some pain in some way. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But truly, the way I have been treated by men even at the best of times has often been filled with stress, being patronised, being let down. I know people will read this and think ‘well choose a better man’ but honestly these men were some of the ‘good ones.’

I would love to have a marriage but can’t face a man in my life. Sadly I’m not a lesbian. Has anyone else reached this point?!

Surely toxic women are those in a relationship and treating their partner badly? Because I can’t see anything toxic about women who are happy being on their own and aren’t bothered about being in a relationship.

Could it be a case of all the good men being snapped up in their twenties?

I imagine most single men in their 40s have commitment issues, or some negative trait that would be off-putting.

I met my husband when he was 26, and he is now in his 40's , he is not perfect nor am I but he has many good qualities that redeem all his negatives.

…. hhhmmmm… ever thought it might be something to do with you..? Just saying …

My first husband was abusive, and if I split from my second husband, I wouldn't bother again. I have children and don't want anymore. There are a lot of older women at my work who haven't bothered to remarry, so it's becoming very common.

They say if you meet three assholes by lunchtime then you are the asshole.
Maybe it isnt ALL men that are the problem?

As men commit approx 90% of violent crime, I would say there’s definitely something inherently wrong with them.

Oh this is depressing ntmdino. I can’t be the only one lamenting my lack of ability to fancy women, and that when men are arses, the little fantasy that a relationship with women not men is the answer, lol. Damn it.

Most men commit no violent crime at all though. If they did, then one would assume it was normal.

Same! If my DH and I were to part ways for any reason I would stay single.

Maybe someone trans or NB? There are also decent men out there but I always joke with DH that I married him because he was the best of a bad bunch 😂

Maybe you're asexual? You just need to meet someone for whom Netflix and chill involves relaxing, movies and cake?

I've been a single mum for 16 years. I mean into being single. Other than financially, and like everyone gets a bit lonely every now and then, I wouldn't change it. I'm trying to work on building a happy, full life for myself, the priority in hobbies and connections like friendships. I feel the same way you do about men. And now I'm in menopause I'm not even arsed about the physical stuff anymore. The majority of past relationships have given me chaos, more mental anguish and stress.

I think YABU. You can’t lump every man into one behavioural category, anymore than you can lump all women into one.

I’m sorry the men you have had previously had relationships have hurt you. However, I think it is possible that you are a factor in some of the difficulties you are facing in your relationships, in all honesty.

I mean- have you never hurt anyone or done something you regret? I doubt you are any more perfect than the rest of us, so you probably have. Should every woman be judged on you, at your worst?

If every man you meet I’d a problem, you might be part of the problem too. It may be that there is something in the way you behave in a relationship, or the type of men you chose, that contributes to this.

it’s something to consider, if you do want to pursue a relationship in the future. if not, it’s ok to decide to stay single.

It’s still enough for me to give them a wide berth!

Maybe she’s asexual? What the fuck.

Stay single. Don’t ruin a man’s life because of your hang ups. Have a great life

I’ve been divorced (and single) for 24 years now…it’s utter bliss!

I have a fabulous social life, beautiful adult children, gorgeous grandchildren and a home that I own and love. I can’t imagine ruining my wonderful life (and messing up my lovely house!) with a man. 🥰

Jesus! 🤯

I hear you im 51 and I absolutely love my single life now my sons are grown up.. maybe those men are lacking because our standards rise in what we allow ourselves to put up with.
True there will be some lovely men out there if we're lucky enough to connect.
I'd live life happily single with an open mind and keep your standards high x

I wonder if therapy wouldn't help? I have found that some people "attract" non-optimal partners and then get hurt. Over and over.

I used to think that way then me and my now husband hit together and gone I was 39 and now 6 years after we are married and have kids ( we both had kids before too ) .
There are good men out there , nobody is perfect but relationships require give and take . Are you sure it’s just the men ?

Neither can I. I think the women who have said they’re happy on their own should continue being happy. No issues with that at all. But someone has said they’re ok with a man provided he never thinks he gets an opinion. A number of people have said they hate all men or they’ve been through multiple relationships/marriages. Maybe the men aren’t always the problem? Just a lot of horribly discriminatory comments by very bitter sounding people.

Twat

that's original and completely misrepresenting the point so well done are you a man?

One word for that desperate

This 👆