to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

[CantGetBackToSleep]

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

That's fine. The owner was notified as to where the dog was.

In my area, abandoned dogs are taken to be scanned at a local vet's and are an then transferred to specialist kennels just outside the region. (It deals with both strays and dangerous dogs.) The owner then has 7 days in which to claim the dog and then to pay the boarding fees.

That being the case, taking the dog to a vet to be scanned seems entirely reasonable.

The pop in to feed him people are for when I am away for more than 4 hours. Not days at a time. You are being deliberately obtuse.

The kennels are excellent, with over 3 acres of land for him to play in. They are heated in winter, cooled in summer. I have video updates of him out playing every day.

Strange comment, when posters on this thread have suggested dumping the dog Under discussion in remote fields and back gardens in 30 degrees.

It's been pointed out to you numerous times that the owner knows that her dog was left there. She knows where her dog is. She, or her relative, can contact the vet. The vet will also have her details from the microchip. If the vet can't board him, why do you have a problem with the vet sending the dog to stay elsewhere, isn't a charity exactly where you wanted the OP to leave him in the first place?

Some vets will take in pets, at least for a while. In my area the majority of people who find pets drop them off at the nearest vet. The vet posts the details on Facebook and there's usually an update in the next day or two, to say that the pet has been reunited with his/her owner. Pets that aren't claimed are sent to rescue, where they'll eventually be rehomed, if no one ever comes forward to say the pet is theirs.

In this case, if the vets can't board the dog, they'll be able to tell the owner where her dog is being kept. She'll only lose her dog if she, or her relatives, refuse to engage with the vet.

@HarshbutTrue2 We haven't explored the dog owners marital status or work status

Let’s explore! I love exploring. You start. Let’s also explore OPs financial status though, and why she cannot pay boarding fees for other peoples dogs.

I have suggested several times that she should have rung around local animal charities for help. If they couldn't help, they would have given constructive advice.

OP let the neighbour know before 8am on Friday morning that either the neighbour had to pay for boarding (a local place already said that was fine, they were just waiting for the payment from the owner, or OP would be taking the dog to the dogs vet, who knew him.

Numerous people on this thread have said why a charity isn’t the answer. What other advice could have been given?

So, again, what would you have done?

I agree. The implication is that people who have still managed to fulfil their caring obligations after the death of a parent or spouse/partner aren't really grieving properly and that falling apart and abandoning all their responsibilities means that they obviously cared much more for their deceased loved ones.

It's really insulting to people who, even in the depths of grief, still manage to soldier on, through sheer necessity, as there is no-one else to do it.

A lot of us have lost parents prematurely. It’s awful. Bit of you have children / pets, then you can’t leave them…..

OP isn't charity either. She took the dog to a safe place, that's all she had to do.

The NDN is taking the piss, so are you HarshbutTrue, either that or you just like playing at being devil's advocate. The OP has done her best to be a good neighbour, taking someone's animal at very short notice is quite a big ask. She clearly advised of her own position. Of course losing a parent can be devastating, not for everybody though. This woman it appears had some family around her, surely if she was unable to make some arrangement for her dog, a member of her family, could have stepped in by doing it on her behalf and liaised with OP. What is so wrong here is she, the OP was just left hanging with a family holiday imminent. She made the best arrangement she could under the circumstances, given she didn't have any of the required paperwork for kennels and it would have meant a financial outlay, which she may have not got back. We only know what she has told us about her neighbour but given how she has let the OP down here, I wouldn't have massive confidence that she would do the right thing if she had stumped up. The NDN has to go on living next door to someone who she has treated in a very selfish way to, albeit under tragic circumstances, she should have still got back to her. Do you think the OP should have cancelled her holiday to look after a dog that isn't hers and she took in as a favour? or possibly bully her parents into taking it in addition to her two thus causing possible friction there. I'd really like to know what you think would be the best scenario under the circumstances.

Read the full thread.
I have never said that OP should cancel her holiday. Why does everyone keep saying I did? Are you all trolling me?

I have repeatedly said that OP should have contacted an animal charity. They would have advised the best course of action. If they don't have space they often have foster carers who are willing to help out at short notice.

The only people I have been critical of are those who advised lying, dumping the dog in a field in the middle of a heatwave or those advising dumping the dog in someone's back garden.

Obviously, dumping dogs is mumsnet preferred action. Seeking advise from professionals isn't.

If you bothered to read my posts you would see that I have been in a similar situation myself and I resolved it

the op certainly lit the touch paper with this thread
and has now vanished

She went on holiday and the issue was resolved 💁

Well she didn’t did she! She doesn’t think the same way as you!

Yes she’s lost her mother, which of course is sad, but it doesn’t mean she can abandon her dog, why is that acceptable.

My DF died very suddenly when my DC were 1 & 2, I couldn’t abandon them.

Why you think it’s acceptable is beyond me.

Funny that is t it? It’s almost as if she went on holiday on Friday as planned and kindly update the thread before going.

Some of the responses on this thread are batshit 😂

OP did the best she could in a difficult situation. She is in no way at fault.

Can’t believe people are actually suggesting that OP pay for kennels out of her own pocket! What kind of ludicrous suggestion is this?

You can’t just tell someone they should pay for something for someone else when you a) don’t know their financial situation, b) don’t even know what the overall cost would be that she would be laying out, and c) don’t even know if she would get that money paid back!

NDN and the relative didn’t want to know, despite OP trying to help sort something and give options. So OP did what she had time to do, which was take it to the local vet so they could contact NDN to sort her dog out herself. And she told NDN she would be doing this.

And fannying about making additional calls to however many charities, only serves to take away time from the OP when she is trying to prepare her family to go on holiday and is stressed out already from all of this drama.

The dog is safe. NDN knows where it is to go collect. Problem solved.

She’s on holiday, after updating the thread. Is that ok?

Just like you have said several times that the neighbour won't know where her dog is despite the fact OP told her before blocking her?

The vets likely contacted the appropriate animal charity anyway. Does it really matter that OP dropped the dog at the vets first?

funnily enough there are often plenty of threads from people who are on holiday. crazy

So because some people post on here when they are on holiday, you're expecting OP to as well?

Since she has blocked neighbours number, there's likely nothing to update until she gets back anyway. The reason she blocked the number is so she can have a peaceful holiday, I also imagine that includes staying off here too.

Funnily enough she’s fully updated the thread before she went on her holiday! She’d got the advice she needed used it and has moved on!

What more should she have said?

Crazy I know that she doesn’t keep ringing the vet and getting updates! It’s almost like the dog was not her responsibility.

Some people like to actually enjoy their holidays and not read negative comments left on MN, especially when she's had extra stress due to kindly helping someone out. OP updated before she left and is hopefully enjoying her holiday.

Obviously she should have put the dog in her suitcase or her carry-on luggage and taken it on holiday with her. Very uncharitable not to do so.

Have you actually volunteered at an animal charity?

I have, and I really doubt you have.

They are absolutely inundated and barely keeping their heads above water trying to save animals in immediate danger. That's where their precious donations and volunteer hours and foster spaces go, and where they should go.

None of the ones I have volunteered at have a bunch of foster carers sitting around waiting to act as a free pet sitting service or are staffed with 'professionals'.

The dog is safe and cared for, its identity is known and the owner knows where it is and what to do to get it back. That's the perfect outcome. While you may have needed the advice of an animal charity to get to that point, I can assure you they would be all very grateful that the OP has used her own common sense to get to this point without involving them.

Well done for leaving dog with the vet. Your neighbour is one of those people...She could have easily asked a relative to call you and instruct them what to do. She was hoping fir a free dog care with your parents. What a cheek! And the fact that her mum died has nothing to do with it. We all know grief doesnt stop us from thinking

What i dont understand is why she didn't take the dog with her? Presuming she is either staying at her mums home or a relatives? Its not your responsibility. You have been good enough to look after it until your holiday. Like others have said, send a text saying you will be taking to an animal shelter. Its up to her then to sort it out. Just because a relative has died doesn't mean it's OK to walk away from your responsibilities! Have a wonderful holiday!