AIBU for finding my sister’s excitement about my baby girl too much ?

[Lavenderslooming]

Growing up my sister was a massive girly-girl whereas I was a tomboy to the point we used to say I was the son my Dad didn’t have.

My sister has 2 boys who are the most stereotypical boisterous boys and whilst she is a great mum, I know she was always really desperate for a girl.

I have just found out I’m having a girl which I’m absolutely thrilled about but I’m finding my sister’s reaction to be a bit much.

She’s constantly telling me how lucky I am, sending me photos of really frilly girly clothes and going on about all the girly activities I’ll be able to do with my daughter like spa days, wedding dress shopping etc.

She also saved quite a lot of clothes and designer bags from her teenage years / early 20’s and is saying she’ll give it all to my daughter seeing as she never had one to pass it all on too.

I know she means well but I’m just finding it all too much and I feel quite defensive that it’s my daughter not hers. Also I hate things like spa days and it’s not something I have any interest in doing with my daughter !! I did tell her that we won’t be dressing my daughter in really girly or pink clothes and her face fell and she went really quiet which then made me feel bad.

AIBU for finding her quite irritating? I’m just finding it all quite intense and then i feel guilty that I’m having the girl she’s always wanted but have no interest in doing the typical girly things.

Well you might end up having the most stereotypically girliest girl on the planet, then she'll have an auntie to do all that kind of stuff with that you don't like doing!

YANBU. This is your daughter, not a dolly. She might be a girly girl, she might be a tomboy, she might be anything inbetween. Sis needs to dial it back a bit.

My mother was a tomboy, my sister and I were definitely more into clothes and makeup but also other things, spa weekend definitely not on the list!

Your poor sister.

Let her have her fantasies.

Your DD might turn out to be a tomboy, anyway.

I've never been on a Spa Day in my life, although I think I'd enjoy one.

Well I am close with my mum and have never been for a spa day with her and also I have never got married so never been wedding dress shopping either 😂

Let your sister get on with her day dreaming I’m sure once your little girl is old enough to talk she will let everyone know what she likes!

I think it’s sweet. Agree with PP, if your daughter does become a girly girl (or just likes the spa), it can be special time spent with her aunt.

I have always been a tomboy and proudly declared to my parents and PIL that DD would not be wearing pink under any circumstances...

Cue the girliest little girl ever who refused to wear anything other than pink dresses until she was about 5 and switched to purple!

You really don't know what kind of child you're going to get. If your dsis is excited and your dd is up for it then why not let them do some of 'girly' things together? Latest Disney movies etc.

YANBU to be overwhelmed by your dsis's excitement.

Her poor sons they must feel like second best 😪

yanbu. You have no idea if you’ll have a girl who enjoys things like spa days and ‘girly’ things and if she does sounds like something nice she can do with her auntie in the future. My girl plays football and goes with her dad to watch the team they support! She might sometimes come shopping with me too.

you have no idea what kind of child you’re getting but I’m sure you’ll have great fun finding out. Congratulations OP ❤️

It’s less about that tbh just about how intense my sister is being

Thank god for Vinted! 😉

Even if your baby turns out to be the pinkest girly girl, she can choose her own stuff when she's old enough, rather than stuff that's potentially 40+ yrs old by then. 😳

Congratulations.

I do feel bad as I know she would have loved a girl but she’s just being too much. I’m just fed up of her telling me wistfully how lucky I am. It’s awkward and I just don’t know what to say back to it

Exactly, it sounds like you both have preconceptions. Babyhood is really the only time you control what she wears, they have their own opinions soon enough. So dress your daughter how you want but she could end up being like your sister and demanding aaallll the princess dresses, and she might absolutely love inheriting her aunt's designer stuff when she is a teen. Or maybe she'll be a full on tomboy like you and have zero interest.

So yes she is being a little overbearing but why not keep an open mind, if your daughter turns out to love the things you're not keen on then your sister is ideally placed to do those things with her.

@Lavenderslooming Can you get your mum to talk her down? She seems to have massive pink preconceptions of how her interactions with your child will be.

Do you spend tons of time together? You with her boys?

If my daughter turns out girly then of course that’s fine and I will embrace it !! My gripe is just how over bearing my sister is being, I’m just so sick of it tbh and then I’m feeling guilty as I know she’s just being nice but I just get the feeling she thinks a girl is wasted on me tbh

My mum is a bit like it too tbh as she never wanted boys herself so is absolutely delighted that she’ll have a granddaughter

We don’t really spend that much time together tbh, maybe 1 every couple of months, and when we do she has to spend most of the time chasing her boys around as they just don’t stop.

I cross posted with this. I can see it's annoying but I also think your hormones are talking a bit. She's obviously expressing some grief of her own but it could be worse - at least she's embracing the situation, not avoiding or resenting you, both of which I've seen in my wider family. In general the more people who love your child, the better, and in time (as in, over the years, not when you have a babe in arms) you may come to appreciate having a likely willing babysitter.

The only problem I could forsee is if she doesn't have good boundaries around the baby e.g. wanting to hold all the time or wanting to babysit before you're ready. But nothing you've written suggests that particularly to me.

Don't say anything except perhaps'I am really sorry you didn't have the daughter you long for', or even 'are your sons a great disappointment to you?'. Put the focus on her, not you or your baby.

She’s over exciting and it’s grinding your gears that’s fine.

You’ll just have to set fair but firm boundaries but if you do get a girly girly I would 100% as a Tom boy be packing her off to her aunty for spa days and girly shopping trips lol

Also lucky for her to not have a girl as Sod’s Law she would have a tom boy 😅

My sil is a boy mum well and truly now. But she was / is much like your sister. Thought my first girl would be her shopping bestie. Nope Tom boy. 🤣

Those poor boys both their mother and Grandmother think they are second best .

Urgh, why are soooo many people so negative about having boys/sons? 😖

Those poor lads. Girls are lovely (some of them LOL!!!) but so are boys. There's good and bad in both. And if you were a huge tomboy @Lavenderslooming (which I was too) then who's to say your daughter won't be one too?! Your sister's behaviour is weird and annoying. I would hate it!

Bloody hell. What is up with 95% of posters on this site? She’s being NICE. Be grateful you have someone in your life who gives a fuck about you and your baby, many aren’t so lucky.

She sounds like she’ll be a good auntie to your little girl and that she is just a bit overexcited. She’ll probably calm down when baby is here. Just gently remind her that she might not like the frills and may prefer playing football with her cousins than going to a spa with her! My friend has all boys and loved buying my DDs clothes when they were tiny. Having a girl is not wasted on you and i’m sure she doesn’t think that - it’s just the luck of the draw. My MIL once made a comment to my SIL along the lines of, “you will be able to teach them how to do their make up and look fashionable” and I remember being a bit put out at the time newly postpartum and feeling like a bit if a loser with bad make up and clothes unworthy of having girls 🤣

Don’t you like your sister?
Sounds like she will be a devoted aunt and that is something to be grateful for.

I can only suggest you keep your distance and frequency of meet-ups, and in the interim, keep the talk neutral - keep asking how the boys are in every interaction though. How are they getting on at school? Do they have any new hobbies? Just keep saying she's very lucky to have her sons...at some point that penny might drop 🤞🏻