AIBU for finding my sister’s excitement about my baby girl too much ?

[Lavenderslooming]

Growing up my sister was a massive girly-girl whereas I was a tomboy to the point we used to say I was the son my Dad didn’t have.

My sister has 2 boys who are the most stereotypical boisterous boys and whilst she is a great mum, I know she was always really desperate for a girl.

I have just found out I’m having a girl which I’m absolutely thrilled about but I’m finding my sister’s reaction to be a bit much.

She’s constantly telling me how lucky I am, sending me photos of really frilly girly clothes and going on about all the girly activities I’ll be able to do with my daughter like spa days, wedding dress shopping etc.

She also saved quite a lot of clothes and designer bags from her teenage years / early 20’s and is saying she’ll give it all to my daughter seeing as she never had one to pass it all on too.

I know she means well but I’m just finding it all too much and I feel quite defensive that it’s my daughter not hers. Also I hate things like spa days and it’s not something I have any interest in doing with my daughter !! I did tell her that we won’t be dressing my daughter in really girly or pink clothes and her face fell and she went really quiet which then made me feel bad.

AIBU for finding her quite irritating? I’m just finding it all quite intense and then i feel guilty that I’m having the girl she’s always wanted but have no interest in doing the typical girly things.

Hi op it is probably a tad awkward but maybe she’s just really happy for you thinking it was what you wanted when she says your really lucky just say I hope so as long as she is healthy that’s the main thing. I mean who know how’s she’s going to want to dress up. Not all girls are girly girls remember I wasn’t compared to you. Congratulations.

My lived in experience of girls is that they want to be the exact opposite of their mums by 4. So having a girly girl auntie with pretty things (if you’re a tomboy) will be useful so you’re not the one paying through the nose for the girly things lol.

I have 3 girls and a boy and they all have super girly / feminine interests and currently spend more time with my sister than anyone else

Yes she is your daughter, not hers. But she will be her niece. Not to say that gives her "rights" but she is someone you can trust to look after her. Just think of all the times when you will want a break (and there will be time when you do) when you can send your daughter to her aunty who will adore her, dress her up in whatever she chooses (or can wrangle her into) play games her son's don't enjoy - all the girly stuff.

It might feel intense now but it's just talk. Nod and say maybe then let her settle into a bit of revelry about how lovely it might be. None of that is cast in stone but if you dig in against it, it will gnaw at you.

@pottylolly its not even about the future really as i would of course do all the girly stuff with my daughter if thats what she wanted.

It’s just how intense my sister is being and the baby isn’t even here yet ! Just feel like she’s got rigid expectations of the baby and she’s not even here yet

Gosh
I would encourage the relationship
Imagine, your own sister wants to spend time with your daughter
You will need babysitters and people in your corner
Trust me

you could say you don’t see it that way but that you can see she does and move the conversation towards her experience of never having a girl she clearly desperately wanted - you could also reflect that you are finding it all a bit much

I say this only to shift the focus away from YOUR baby

hopefully the process might result in her being a bit more aware of what she’s doing and back off

She is overly excited but overall harmless being genuinely happy about becoming an aunt to a baby girl.
I have one of each. My niece is pregnant with a baby girl to say I am excited is putting it mildly.

She’s not just being nice - she is invading boundaries becuase she’s gone off on one as it’s something she feels she will never have - her needs are making her overstep - she can’t put that right unless you speak - I’d do it now before the baby comes as you both have time to reflect

omg makes it even more inappropriate

your mum had at least two daughters!!!!

Totally being unreasonable. She is just excited and you seem a bit odd to be honest!

I think you have to

you need to stop this now - to avoid a blow up at some point

you need to reinstate your boundary

or you could say they got the gender w ring and your having triplet boys 😂

It's hard i understand her as I would only ever want girls but if shes overstepping then that's fair for you to feel that way

invading boundaries? For goodness sakes. It’s most likely just talk and she won’t have the time or interest in stealing time with OP’s baby.

OP, Have a chat with her. I’m sure there was excitement about her pregnancies too, little boys are great, they might be boisterous at times but they give the best hugs. They adore their DM. They’re easily pleased and easier as they get older.
Girl’s are great too but definitely more inquisitive and challenging as your real child is never like your imaginary child, they’re nearly always the complete opposite. My DD definitely is the opposite of me in every way, the teenager years aren’t kind either.

I would go as far as saying that any mother is lucky to have the experience of a baby boy. .

No she’s not right - this is a guilt trip tangled in the posters story

I think you prob feel like she’s taking over your narrative about your daughter and that would be very irritating

this is foremost about your sister playing out something at your expense - she’s crossing a boundary - she has time to have more children which is her responsibility to do

at the least please just try and say “can you tone it down a bit sis”

You have said perfectly what’s irritating about it - it will only get worse if you don’t nip it in the bud - because it’s obv affecting you

it sound alike you do t have the confidence to know she can think what she likes but it’s your baby and you’ll be strong enough to say no to her down the line

It’s clearly bothering the OP a lot and for OP it doesn’t feel like just talk or she would have dismissed it and not posted here for support - she doesn’t sound like she can brush it off as you are doing - you are probably a different personality

yes she is invading a boundary of respect and her sisters own experience to put forward what she needs - thinking even into the child as a teenager - it doesn’t sound healthy enthusiasm and the poster clearly doesn’t feel that way - it’s bothering her enough to post here and say it’s feeling way too much - that doesn’t sound like healthy enthusiasm to me

I would say to her what I’d say to anyone - you never know who a child will be til they’re here, and you get to know them.

She might turn out to be a wonderful aunt, so I wouldn’t burn any bridges over it

Probably because it’s so obvious - the OP
wouldn't have posted here otherwise - she said it’s feeling all too much

boundaries are good - they are what allow us to love each other and remain ourselves - they aren’t a bad thing

and here I can see how they would help avoid a blow up

My dd never ever stopped in the first few years of her life! She was like a hamster - you’d put her down for a second and she’d be gone!

DS is also a very energetic child but he wasn’t as much at that point in life, he’s overtaken later on.

Both of my kids are in the middle - they both like music and drama, DS also loves rugby swimming and Scouts, Dd loves climbing and hiking, they will both happily climb a mountain, they are both just themselves!

You never know. I’ve never pushed girly stuff on my toddler daughter but she seems to have an interest in bags, shoes, dresses and a liking for pink anyway! It’s so cute but I hope she grows out of it as I have an older boy and we have plenty of trains and cars she needs to grow into. 😅

Exactly, wins all round.

I get it OP. My daughter's aunt used to treat her like a doll. The row over the dress with the bells in the hem was epic.

However, it did calm down and it was nice for her to do the girly things she wanted to do with an adult who was into all that. Be like duck and try and let it wash over you.

Also I hate things like spa days and it’s not something I have any interest in doing with my daughter !!
If your daughter turns out to like that kind of things then she can do them with her aunty later and that will be nice for both of them.

However, she is being really irritating and I'd have to tell her to put a sock in it.
Tell her your daughter will be her own person and we don't know what her personality is going to be like so give it a fucking rest with all the girlie shite.

I think YABU, but, you can’t help the way that you feel about this and IME it’s perfectly normal to feel protective of your baby and family unit when pregnant, especially when it’s your first.

Try to bite your tongue, it will calm down. If you snap you might inadvertently damage your DD’s relationship with her auntie.

I also think that once you’ve had kids, other people having kids suddenly becomes much more exciting, so your sisters reaction is somewhat understandable to me. It’s like you’re finally going to be able to understand the part of each other that changed when babies came along.