AIBU for finding my sister’s excitement about my baby girl too much ?

[Lavenderslooming]

Growing up my sister was a massive girly-girl whereas I was a tomboy to the point we used to say I was the son my Dad didn’t have.

My sister has 2 boys who are the most stereotypical boisterous boys and whilst she is a great mum, I know she was always really desperate for a girl.

I have just found out I’m having a girl which I’m absolutely thrilled about but I’m finding my sister’s reaction to be a bit much.

She’s constantly telling me how lucky I am, sending me photos of really frilly girly clothes and going on about all the girly activities I’ll be able to do with my daughter like spa days, wedding dress shopping etc.

She also saved quite a lot of clothes and designer bags from her teenage years / early 20’s and is saying she’ll give it all to my daughter seeing as she never had one to pass it all on too.

I know she means well but I’m just finding it all too much and I feel quite defensive that it’s my daughter not hers. Also I hate things like spa days and it’s not something I have any interest in doing with my daughter !! I did tell her that we won’t be dressing my daughter in really girly or pink clothes and her face fell and she went really quiet which then made me feel bad.

AIBU for finding her quite irritating? I’m just finding it all quite intense and then i feel guilty that I’m having the girl she’s always wanted but have no interest in doing the typical girly things.

My lived experience of having girls who are now in their 20’s

DD1 mud, puddles running off, dinosaurs, football, Lego

DD2 bringing home snails, more mud, dressing up. Climbing really heart in mouth scary climbing. Getting clothes covered in food/drink. Many sports including iceskating hoorah sparkles

you really can’t predict what having a child will be like.

I would probably have to respond with something like "I don't really mind what sex the baby is. We don't know what her personality will be like at all, so let's wait and see. She might end up just like your boys!"

I fell out with my mum before my son was born - before we knew we were having a boy - because she made a lot of comments along the lines of if it was a girl she was going to dress her up in frilly pink clothes etc.

Looking back it maybe wasn't worth falling out over, although I don't really regret asserting that we weren't going to be treating my child like a doll.

You should not feel guilty to be 'having the girl she's always wanted'. You're not having the girl she's always wanted - that would have been her daughter. You are having your daughter, who is just as likely to be similar to you as anything else.

Why would you feel guilty for not having a certain type of hobby/ interest before your child - a person you have never even met - is even born? You have no idea what your daughter is going to like or be into. She might be just like you.

Don't overthink this - and don't feel bad about telling your sister to pipe down.

Her fantasies about someone else’s child!
If you have to have these regressive ideas, do it with your own D.C., but trying to force stereotypes on someone’s D.C. is well out of order. The child might be girly, she might not, but that’s for the OP and her partner to influence - or not.

Give her a call and say it’s lovely how she’s so enthusiastic about having a niece but she’s your first baby and want to enjoy it your way and obviously if she’s a very girly girl then you’re sure they’ll has some special times together once she’s older.

Having an involved Aunt is usually a good thing especially when they are older and you need a break 🤭

Also, those poor boys. They can hear this going on, they know they are second best, poor kids. And to all those who say the boys won’t know - children know, they pick up on things, they will see their mum’s wistful looks.
We wonder why young men might not be well adjusted, look no further than nonsense like this.

If you’ve just found out I assume this hasn’t been going on for too long? It’s probably just an initial burst of excitement. I’d try and put a positive spin on it and think about how nice it is for your sister to be so excited about your baby. Seen threads on here of people complaining about how their immediate family are disinterested in their pregnancy and children, I’d probably rather have an excited sister than a disinterested one.

While her sons are pushed out and not wanted. No one is winning here.

Goodness, this is all very over the top. She needs to take a chill pill.

This is just pure misogyny (not to mention cringe making). Look at me I’m not like the girly girls, I like dinosaurs and Lego! Haven’t we moved on from this pathetic rubbish yet?

OP, I think your sister is being overbearing but you might be more sensitive to it because perhaps subconsciously you’ve already decided your DD will be a tomboy. You only see her once a week so when she mentions baby clothes or doing girly things with DD just say well we don’t know what sort of things she’ll be into, and change the topic.

On another note, I’d have been in heaven if an auntie gave me a wardrobe full of vintage clothes!

I think you may need to gently tell her to dial it back. If you don't tell her now and give her a chance to adjust, its risks being horrific when the baby is here. And yes she will get upset and yes she will call you names and yes she will run crying to mum/auntie/BF/all of them. This is YOUR baby.

Let her be a amazing auntie

or a total nightmare

I understand how irritating that must be. She has a very narrow view of what girls will be like. But.. the time will come when you'll be only too happy to hand over a little chatterbox for a few hours so you can have a break so I'd say just suck it up a bit. If you really need to say something you could just tell her that until you know baby is healthy you don't want to talk too much about the future, thats a common enough view. It's a white lie but may he necessary sometimes.

Bloody hell. No, do not ask if her sons are a disappointment (I bloody hope not!)

I would have liked a girl but got a boy. I like to think DS chose me as his mummy, and I couldn't imagine him being anything other than himself.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being female and liking typical 'girly' things. Boys and men don't get this nonsense.

I do find baby girls all in pink and white and baby boys all in blue and white (with maybe a bit of beige thrown in) a bit sad, when there's so many colours in the world. I dress DS in all the colours (even if I have to get his clothes from the girl's section) because I want to dress him in colourful things. As he's getting older it's getting harder as boy's clothes are just so drab.

It's wonderful to have an auntie so excited. I would let her be, but maybe just say it's not in your nature to raise her with these things, and that she'll be her own person – whoever that is. You may indeed have an incredibly girly girl and she'll love her auntie for that.

She's excited. Let her be. And be grateful your DD wil have a lovely auntie.

Being asked if her sons are a disappointment just might shock her out of ogling her sister's baby and remind her how amazing her own children are.

YANBU and WTF is the obsession some people have with spa days? The most boring way possible to send your time and so expensive.

It sounds like the boys are wasted on her. Honestly, this girl baby fixation so many women have is a bit creepy and over the top. Sister is projecting HER fantasy onto YOUR child. I wish I had some useful advice. The best I can do is to tell her you’d rather not talk about these things until after your daughter is born. Tell her you’d rather have her down to be the best aunt by celebrating whatever kind of girl your daughter turns out to be. Because, naturally Sister knows that love means accepting people for who they are. Meaning, you and your sister. BTW, I have a girl and a boy. All I feel is grateful.

Yes I think you’re right that she does feel envious and has now gone the other way. But that’s what’s making me feel awkward as I feel like she’s being OTT to compensate for how she really feels about it

whtever her motivation, I think she needs to dial it back

lol - she’s just excited! My DH said he wasn’t going to have a pink glittery girl, she literally wore nothing but pink princess dresses until she was in mid juniors then more stylish dresses, then she’s moved into gothic clothes! Our DS on the other hand was an extreme boy, dinosaurs, superhero’s, scouts, hiking …. They make their own minds up, we have no choice in it after they’re about 2-3 years old

I don’t want to slag her off as a boy mum as her boys aren’t easy and she has tried really hard to embrace their interests etc but it’s just all a bit much atm