To find this entitled?

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh]

This doesn't apply to people with childcare or caring responsibilities, any sort of illness or disability which means they cannot work full time.
But I've seen a few people on here or social media basically saying 'I can do supply/care work/0 hours work and sometimes only get a shift or two a week, because my husband earns well.'

So they're pretty much choosing to swan about and avoid full-time work, because they assume their husband or partner will carry on in their high-earning, full time role.

What happens if this husband loses their job, becomes sick, or just decides they're sick of having to be the breadwinner?

I see it all the time on supply teacher pages,'Oh I've only had 1 day of work in 2 months but it's fine because my husband is the breadwinner!!'

There are other jobs where you could make a living, you just don't want to do them, yet you still want your dream forever house and luxury lifestyle. If it were the wife full-time and the husband taking the piss there would be uproar.

This is the life I lead. I don't work, but my husband does. We have 3 children who are16,14 &10 and I left work 3.5 years ago. I don't think I fit into your "acceptable excuses" category. But this is the life we chose 20 years ago. We both sacrificed alot to get us to this position when the children were little.
To be frank, it's none of your business how we choose to live our life as long as it works for us, and we are happy, that's all that matters.

Maybe time with their children and a home life is more important, who cares if they can afford it, not on benefits.

Each to their own indeed. But i couldn't just decide tomorrow i fancied pursuing more hobbies, my husband doesn't earn enough to cover both of us and it's not his job to.

So, it boils down to jealousy then. Not a good look!

You can dress it up as anything you like but that comment gave you away.

I would assume at least one conversation has been had between the couple and an agreement has been reached.

I think that it's fair enough, if that's the case. Very brave of the woman to rely solely on the man but each to their own.

Fortunately, when my cheating ex finally left me for the OW, I was working full time. Not well off but the benefit top up I got meant I could just about get by.

Nowadays my circumstances are very different. I'm unable to work,due to long term illness and disability, so I very much rely on DP. Not so much discussion goes invto that though, it's not a choice I've made. I suppose you're jealous of that too!

My partner is a teacher and I’m waiting on a start date to do bank work. I will get to pick and choose my hours as and when I can work. We have 4 year old twins and I have an auto immune disease which means I’m exhausted a lot of the time. Most of the time just day to day life exhausts me let alone working. If he had a better wage I wouldn’t work at all. Do you judge me for doing that? You sound a little judgemental and jealous.

Is this a problem for you? How can anyone judge unknown people and their personal arrangements?

There are very few jobs in the world that would’ve been better than being able to stay home and raise my children. Staying home also meant I could see DP far more because his work hours are highly irregular and very few jobs would’ve been able to match this irregularity. If he divorced me tomorrow I would get a huge amount more than if I had been working myself as he probably would’ve have gotten to the level he did in his job and he earns about 12 times what I would.

Why is someone else’s lifestyle any of your business OP? In my DM’s/MIL’s generation very few women worked outside the home but they were not lazy. They worked hard in the home, did all the cleaning, gardening, shopping, cooking, laundry etc and looked after the children. They also contributed to their communities by volunteering. Just because someone is SAHM working part time it doesn’t mean they are taking advantage of their husband. They will have discussed what works best for them as a family. Their choice, not yours.

If all these women that you talk about were to work full time, there would be far fewer jobs available for men. So then, instead of lots of couples who are happy with their arrangements, and not struggling for money, you would have lots of depressed men who wanted to work but couldn't. There's a shortage of decent jobs out there so these women you disparage are probably actually helping society. As they aren't claiming benefits, it doesn't affect the rest of us so live and let live.

You sound like an envious person OP. Everyone is on their own path - if some women ( or men) are happy to not work and their partners don’t mind then it’s nobodies business but theirs.

Wouldn't it be worse them taking full time shifts off people like single mums who desperately need the money?

I’m not sure what concern it is of yours?

I say that as the main breadwinner in my house, and I work full time

It’s not a life I would want for myself for some of the risks you mentioned but I don’t feel it’s entitled for unless the ‘breadwinner’ actually doesn’t want or support their partner not working as many hours.

I'll bite Op.
I left work after 20+ years as a Special School TA back in February this year. Essentially retired at 58 while my husband (64) works long hours.
I figured 20+ years of getting hit, kicked, bitten most days were enough and the management had changed and was getting more toxic by the day.

So..now I'm caring for my grandkids two days a week (baby and 5 yr old) , caring for my adult autistic and learning disabled son, and to make a little bit of cash on top of my amazing £300 a month carer's allowance, I do some cat sitting (legally) So yeah I'm a lazy arse, dependent on my husband... who is happy that I'm no longer covered in bruises, and in crippling back pain from my job.
I'm also home to deal with DS's medical needs, support needs without it being a major stress to get time off work. Oh and I enjoy walking the dog, and growing our food on an allotment.

If Dh drops dead or suddenly leaves me for a younger HGV driver (fairly unlikely) then I'll do whatever necessary to keep us afloat, but til then... we are happy and it works.

I am HAPPY. He's HAPPY. So there!

and mine

If someone has a partner willing to pay for them then crack on. None of my business. What a weird thing to find entitled. Lucky them

Very weird to be so bothered about others living their lives inface it's a but entitled to think you should judge it

How is that entitled? Being "entitled" means person is acting as if they have a right to something. For example,"I am entitled to my own opinion". "I am entitled to eat chocolate and cherries for dinner if I feel like."

However, nowadays we use "entitled" to mean the opposite, i.e. An individual is acting as if they had the right to something that they don't in fact have any right to. e.g. "Kids nowadays are so entitled, they think the world owes them a living" or "Men are acting so entitled, like they're doing a woman a big favor by asking her out."

The women you mention in your post are giving you the impression that they're acting as if they' have a right to something that they don't actually have a right to. But what is that something? The continued love and support of their husbands? I think a wife is entitled to that (and vice versa).

Or perhaps you think they're acting as if they're entitled to be lazy and spoiled?

Is the reason why you’re so concerned about this because you haven’t got the choice? Perhaps deep down, you would like to be able to have that choice, and not have no option but to work full time. Often we get riled up by things that, in our subconscious, we would like to have ourselves.

Are they “lounging around” all day though?

You have no idea.

You say this isn’t aimed at people with caring responsibilities or disabilities. But you have no idea what peoples circumstances are.

Only my family and my close friends know about my chronic health condition which is classed as a disability. People who don’t know me that well have no idea. If people want to see me as entitled and “lounging around” all day when really I’m in bed in chronic pain, up to my eyeballs on pain medication, or at some type of physio/hospital appointment that’s up to them. But they should mind their own fucking business, including yourself.

Dearest Jealous Reader,

Bread-winning-wife of the Ton, here.

I told one's husband to quit his job if he so wished, for I would carry the beast of burden.

He now swans about at the kitchen sink, while I work...

...and one f*king laaaaavs it! (Oh no! I swore! What will the Mummynet's say!?)

Anyway! It's rather superb. I am not one bit domesticated and I am working the job of my dreams and he also enabled me to recently complete my -2nd- blows educational trumpet degree the rest of the ton gasp with scandal

It was once me who stayed at home all day because he worked full-time, then we both worked full-time, now I'm the one working full-time while he looks after the home. Don't get me wrong I also chip in a lot with home.

We have amazing sex, he's my soul mate, we have a good financial situation...we call it equality.

Jealousy looks good on nobody. If your partner is forcing you to work, or whatever your situation is - It's a -you- problem. Don't take it out on the Ton with your indirect snidery. Nobody likes a Karen. Behave.

Yours

Lady Workington

Then I’d have gone back to work full time. We chose to have 3 dc, at one point they were all pre school. DH’s work meant he couldn’t ever do a school drop off or collection or stay at home with a sick child. At one point I had weekly hospital appointments with dc2. However I’ve been full time for 20 years- it all comes out in the wash.

I work 4 days a fortnight, my husband works 3 days a fortnight. We have his military pension that covers all the household bills, our earnings are disposable income, we don't need to work more. Why not enjoy our time. Why work when we do 't need to. If I did I would be taking hours away from someone that actually needs them. Oh, and we have never claimed benefits we have always learnt too much between us.

I agree OP, that there is a huge double standard. Work-shy men would be called 'cock lodgers' no doubt and everyone would pile onto the post to convince the wife to leave the feckless idler.

I always would wonder how the bread winning husband felt. If he felt taken advantage of perhaps? But I think a lot of the time the man in these situations likes the control of bringing in the money and being in charge. There is a power imbalance after all.

My (male) ex-partner did not work and I (female) worked full time. I paid for my daughter and his three children - no shared children. No one was concerned he was 'taking advantage' of me. It's not always men who go to work...

Me and my partner both work full time but he wants to be in a position where I can stay at home and look after the house so he's studying and looking to get a better paying job. I'm more than happy with this set up. What's the problem?