To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

My issue is the teen gets up and then doesn’t make himself anything to eat or drink and then it’s 4pm and he’s ravenous and feels ill and in the meantime nothing is getting done. I absolutely hate that I’ve still got to be nagging him all the FUCKING time about the absolute basics!!!!!!

I would expect them to be making you lunch at least some of the time.

My kids were a year older than yours when lockdown happened and they were nagging me to make them lunch every day. Only they didn't want sandwiches, they wanted cooked lunches every day, with all the trimmings! At the same time, they really got into re-runs of come dine with me, so when I mutinied, they decided to take turns to make lunch every day and then have me rate their food! I really missed the five star service when life returned to normal but I put soooo much weight on! Let them crack on, OP, they are old enough to make a sandwhich and they know where the fridge is.

Tbf I was a pretty lazy fucker myself at that age when it came to feeding myself 😅

Same here.. 😂

You've led a fairly limited existence then. Why should they get up if they don't want to and there is nothing particular to do? Teenage sleep patterns are wired differently to younger children and adults.

I’ve had teens and I’m a teacher so not really 🙄

My DD is 15 and when I’m working and she’s off I ask her to be up by 11 for breakfast and then if she’s around for lunch she makes it for both of us. I sometimes get a random plate of food but that’s fine with me and saves me a job. It also means if she’s around wants dropping somewhere on my lunch hour I’ve already eaten

@DoggieNamechange sorry. getting up at 2pm sod that
no internet or phones until house hoovered dishwasher sorted and washing hung out. DAILY. kids are there to be taught life lessons cmon.

Why are you doing all of the housework as well? You are spoiling them. They should make their own breakfast and lunch, do some of the housewoek and even take a turn with dinner.

Wth - why??

I never did any of that as a teen - I helped out where asked but also lay about in bed and watched tv all day (no phones then!)

I have managed to become a fully functional adult.

My teens are having much the same summer OP and they feed themselves during the day. We are very much a "fend for yourself" family apart from evening meal which I will make.

My 13, 12 and 7yo have been making lunch in the holidays. The 7yo with help, sometimes provided by me and sometimes older siblings. I use a name spinner to decide who is doing it. I wake them up by 9:45, provide them with breakfast and dinner. I’m not doing lunch too, they’re in charge of that!

I tell them what to make and rotate between sandwiches, cheese on toast and tinned soup, pasta and pesto or filled tortellini, oatcakes and salmon. Easy stuff. They have to tidy up afterwards too.

Yes they can make lunch for themselves.
If you were working in the office they would have to make lunch for themselves anyway

Wth - why??

because they are fully capable of helping out in the house where they also live? Why shouldn't they? Teenage boys who won't help around the house and expect mum to make their sandwiches will grow up to be men who think they are entited to be waited on hand and foot.

it always decends into squabbles and "it's not my turn" etc etc

try this, give them a list of chores and let them decide who does what. One sets table, other clears table, one hoovers downstairs, other upstairs etc. Works really well for us, no whining whose turn it is or why me.

Look whether they can cook or not is not really the point here. It's the expectation. If you've got in the habit of 'sorting them out' then you've got into the habit that their 'busy lives' of clubs and commitments means they don't contribute to the domestic load of a family. And at their age they should.
As i would frequently remind my teenage kids .... You are not Dobby the House Elf

DS was able to make his own lunch during Covid. He’s 13 now - would prefer me to do it but will do it if he wants to eat before my lunch break. YADNBU

You’re working, they’re not. If they don’t eat the meals you prepare they can sort themselves out.
They should be cleaning up too.

Oh and I’m old fashioned like this and will be told I am unreasonable but no one in my house would be allowed to stay in bed past about 11am and expect to be fed. I can’t bear people sleeping the day away, its decadent and lame.

Have you shown tgem.how to cook? Ask them.if they want X? Yes ... tell them they are cooking it with your guidance.

Christ my daughter is 7 and can make her own cereal toast or sandwich even toasties. She can make a cup of tea get her own water and your 13 and 15 year old can’t make themselves something to eat?

At those ages I'm very surprised they haven't been making their own lunches before now! My 11yo has made his own breakfast and lunch fir ages. My 6yo makes her own cereal. My 11yo also does things around the house such as washing up, hoovering etc. It's our job as parents to raise them to be independent adults.

At their age i was sorting out my own lunches, especially during summer holidays. I could make baked potatoes, omlettes, toasted sandwiches, macaroni cheese, etc. Mind you, i was working full time by the time i was 16.

My 11yo son can make his own scrabled eggs on toast, bacon and eggs, fried chicken in the air fryer, pancakes, and sandwiches.

Mine two (12 and 14) make breakfast and sandwich lunch, can tidy up, run chores etc, and cook stuff like basic pasta but are a bit rubbish and uninterested in cooking generally. I do think that it is personality/interest as well as parenting. They are super responsible about schoolwork and general hobby organisation, and we couldn't really claim credit for that as parents, but I am not sure we are fully to blame for their lame cooking skills! They will either learn or eat a lot of tuna sandwiches in their future lives

Wouldn't it be nice for the teens to make lunch for their working Mum. And clean the kitchen afterwards.

I haven’t made my dcs lunch in the holidays for years - probably since they started secondary school - unless we all happen to coincide and want something at the same time. Ds17 is more likely to make something for me if I’m lucky as he makes bloody epic lunches. YADBU to let them sort themselves out.