I can't stand my new home

[WannabeWriter1988]

Hi all, my first post and looking for some clarity on if I am in the wrong here.
We lived for a long time in a small village that was a happy place to live with friendly neighbours, lovely community and beautiful surroundings but had to move due to landlord selling up.
We moved counties to be closer to family but from the moment I viewed this house I didn't feel like it could be a home. When we were accepted for it, I told my partner, my family and friends that I didn't like it and they all said I was being silly and precious and would get over it. But I haven't.
The house is nice, lots of light and space but it's very built up and both overlooked by and overlooking a large number of other flats and houses. There is no nature or nature noise (literally not a single spider), it's never really dark, the people are really loud and it feels like living in a fish bowl for people. I feel desperately unhappy, I can't sleep, I feel anxious all the time and everyone I tell just says I'm being stupid. Is this just me or do other people feel like this?

You have upped sticks and moved near family who are telling you are silly and selfish not to like your new property when you were happy in your friendly rural setting.
You are not silly. If someone wanted me to move from this lovely friendly village I would be very unhappy indeed.

I can.
A friend moved into a new build and the garden is overlooked by neighbours on three sides. Tiny garden and very claustrophobic.
However she has planted some fast growing trees in pots, so by next year they’ll be 6 ft tall or more. She made a water feature in an old tin bath and has a frog and water lilies already.
OP - if you put stuff in pots, you can take them with you to the next place anyway!

That isn't typical of the South East unless you're in London.

I'm in S.E ., which is pretty big ! No noisy roads nearby , loads of wide green spaces/parks , lots of beaches etc.

Sadly, we need to be somewhere that DH can play petanque and go kayaking. I should have foreseen this but now he's so entrenched with all his boules and boating buddies, that getting him out of this godforsaken city will be a nightmare. But I will persevere... And if anyone knows of somewhere north of Birmingham that offers both petanque and kayaking, I'd be delighted to hear of it 😁

It may be dystopian, but it's perfectly possible. The last rental house I had before buying, I couldn't see the sky. At all. Due to other buildings so close to my windows. It was depressing from day one.

We second stepped from flat to 2 bed house - ended up in an awful 80s high density estate of terraced houses and flats with tiny gardens as that's all we could afford and I hated it. The awful loud tv/pot smoking neighbours made it worse and we are overlooked by concrete steps going into studio flats. I cried for weeks and wanted to return to our old flat that overlooks woodland and had so many birds and footpaths.

But we planted lots of height giving buddleia, bought a gazebo and blackout blinds for privacy and we have made a couples agreement to discuss moving once our 2 year fixed is up. The two years went quickly, now three have passed and we are looking for somewhere with more nature and less streetlights and concrete...and prying eyes.

What you're feeling is normal and natural, especially if nature, dark nights and quiet is your happy place as it is mine. Talk to your partner and make them understand the effect it's having on you, then make an agreement that if you haven't adjusted by a certain length of time - make a plan to move on.

Well, to be fair, I've kind of worn the pants for the 35 years we've been together. I'm trying to let him do things he wants to do rather than always prioritising what I want to do. God, I sound a right 'mare, don't I? Anyway, I didn't realise quite how much I would hate living down here and I'm struggling to be gracious about it.
Sorry to highjack your thread, OP...

@Tringtomoz Do you mind if we take this to DM's? I'm happy to speak to you about it but don't want to clutter up the OP's thread any further.

OK, fair enough. My marriage isn't really something I want to dissect on an open forum so I'm afraid you'll just have to take my word for it that most decisions have been driven by me. This one was not and it's not going well.

There are a .lot of landlords and second home owners trying to sell.

Just my two-peneth but ultimately only you can decide if you want to stay or not.
In the meantime, it may be worth showing willing and trying to make the spaces your own.
For the garden, maybe use the fact it's devoid of life to bring some in like a Mediterranean style yard like this...

Your move was a big transition. I also live in a rural location and would feel exactly as you do if I had to move somewhere where properties were crowded together and overlooking each other.

Just to point out all these lovely gardens are matured years and years in making...
It would be cheaper to move even if op owned than buying that many matured plants to get to that stage asap🙈

Yes, the good news is they are renting so the move doesn"t rely on finding a buyer that likes stressful overcrowded living.

Wow. Not sure how we are so lucky - although we do have foxes which might deter rats, and every house in our street has at least one cat on perpetual patrol through the gardens, so that might put them off too.

I'd stop putting out crumbs too, if rats got into our cavity walls.

Please dont get a pet as an accessory to liven up your house...

Wow, that’s pretty rude and dismissive. Any chance you are dismissive avoidant?

Op, I don’t know the place but I think I would feel the same in your shoes. You came from a house with a lot of nature around you, and suddenly your view is some wall or someone else’s windows and no nature sounds.

My suggestion is to look for a place that ticks these boxes. As soon as you agree on the place, give two months notice and move. I know it’s an inconvenient option but in mid to longer run, you would be happier in that kind of place.

OP i think you perfectly within your right nit to.like your new home and to make plans to.move when you can.

I am sorry your mum and auntie inputted negatively into you and your partner's decision.

Learn to trust your own thoughts, and express them. No one wkse should be making house move decisions for you.

That can’t change your views from window and your room feeling dark.

If I was in your position I would be looking around for a new rental. It is important to feel happy where you live and life is too short to be miserable. Just knowing that you could find somewhere more suitable will keep you going and I hope you find somewhere lovely where you can breathe.