I can't stand my new home

[WannabeWriter1988]

Hi all, my first post and looking for some clarity on if I am in the wrong here.
We lived for a long time in a small village that was a happy place to live with friendly neighbours, lovely community and beautiful surroundings but had to move due to landlord selling up.
We moved counties to be closer to family but from the moment I viewed this house I didn't feel like it could be a home. When we were accepted for it, I told my partner, my family and friends that I didn't like it and they all said I was being silly and precious and would get over it. But I haven't.
The house is nice, lots of light and space but it's very built up and both overlooked by and overlooking a large number of other flats and houses. There is no nature or nature noise (literally not a single spider), it's never really dark, the people are really loud and it feels like living in a fish bowl for people. I feel desperately unhappy, I can't sleep, I feel anxious all the time and everyone I tell just says I'm being stupid. Is this just me or do other people feel like this?

Try the charity shops for pots.
I asked and they were out back.
Cancer research has some composite new ones.
You'll feel better with green out there.
If the house feels odd burn sage.

Well I wouldn’t want to live there. I don’t understand why you couldn’t veto it when you didn’t like it at the start. Are your opinions often ignored in your marriage?

Honestly no, it's was 100% me. I thought I was being negative instead of having genuine concerns and wanted to see what other people I trusted thought.

Maybe when the seasons change it won't feel as bad? You'll have to try and brighten it up with pots etc. But the noise would be a deal breaker for me, I would have to move. Are you locked in for any length of time?
Id concentrate on finding a house you like, realistically you can't change being overlooked and noisy neighbours. No point spending money on a garden if you have lots of other issues

Your family have conditioned you to not trust yourself and done you a great disservice.

Stop asking them as they are not supportive of you having your own feelings and thoughts.
Except your dad maybe who could see what you were seeing, but didn't stand up for you and encourage you to believe your own judgement.

Yanbu at all, you need to feel comfortable and safe (physically, emotionally and mentally) in your own home!

Yes, that sounds bloody awful.
I think you need to chat to your DP and start planning to get out of there. Ignore what others say; if you’re miserable, you need to fix it.
Good luck! 🩵

You need to have a proper serious conversation with your partner. Make it clear how much living in this property is affecting you. As for your family, is there an individual you can speak to privately and get on your side. Surely if they realise how bad things are they would support you?
You may need to accept that in the meantime you will have to stay, but reach a compromise that the two of you can start looking for a new place.
Good luck.

You say accepted for this one - are you privately renting or council ?

If so I don't see the problem with admitting you have made a mistake and trying to move again.

X

I don't understand why you can't move. Stay in the area but find a house better located, they can't all be as awful as the one you describe.

I do appreciate how you feel though. I rented for 10mths - the location was actually very good but the house was situated in a grey depressing cul-de-sac, the house itself had no soul, and even if you decorated or renovated it, it would still have no soul. It was just a square grey box.

I actually enjoyed our time there as the house was big in a tourist area and we had loads and loads of visitors, but I never viewed it as home, I only saw it as a temporary stop gap.

I would feel the same, I live near woods and there's lots of trees in the streets where we live, we've thought about moving to other parts of the city and the lack of greenery puts me off.

keep in mind that the people (family) who said you are being silly might have a vested interest in keeping you there. What does your partner think? And why did you move?

The fact you are posting on here means I think you need to move. Sod what the partner thinks or is ignoring

You can do a lot with containers. Some plants especially like shade, eg hostas which are hardy and provide greenery (mine also have flowers for a few weeks in summer which bees love).

Set up a bird table and bath too (or big plant saucers which can act as shallow baths - put pebbles in one too to attract small insects to drink). Once birds know there is a reliable source of food and water they will be regular visitors - your little patch will be an oasis in the concrete jungle!

Few plants will sadly not make it any better....

I get what you mean, I saw some newer builds like that and just couldn't do it.

Moving will be loss now, won't it. But I would start making a plan and not doubting myself next time

Are you renting or have you bought this house?

@WannabeWriter1988

Have you bought the house, OP or is it rented?

No spiders? Where do I sign up for this slice of heaven?

It sounds horrific. Move out as soon as possible. Your husband may well like it there but is it worth your mental distress and unhappiness? Tell him you made a mistake, you should not have listened to others' opinions when you yourself had such a visceral reaction to the house and really did not want it. You can only apologise and explain, and then you can both move out. Honestly, if your DH refuses, leave by yourself. No sun and no living things? My idea of hell on earth.

I see. I think you’ve made the mistake of asking for others opinions on something that is a subjective choice. They aren’t you and so can’t say if something won’t work for you as an individual. Many people also don’t want to speak badly of a property it looks like you will buy as then they’ve slammed the house you live in.

Make a plan to get out. You need a different lifestyle. I did too so I live in an urban area but next to a bird sanctuary so I have nature. If it takes 6m-12m you’ll be ok as an end date to it will make you more comfortable and able to cope.

Transform it, completely. It can be done. Bench, plants and trees in pots, colour. Make the most. Fresh plants and flowers indoors. Candles and fairy lights where ever you can. Get a pet lol. Anything to add life to surroundings.

That sounds really difficult OP and I hope you are able to move soon.

While a few nice potted plants can make a place look nicer, they are not really going to address the crowded in feeling or the noise.

A pet??? Is that a serious suggestion???

We can move but we are about a quarter into the minimum term. My partner loves this house and doesn't want to move but grew up in a city and isn't affected by it like I am. He would move if I pressed the issue, he's never been the sort of person to dig his heels in at my expense. I think what I'm looking for here is for people who don't know me to give me honest (positive or negative) thoughts on whether I am being unreasonable because I'm outside my comfort zone or if this genuinely is something to take action on. Thankfully, everyone is nicer than reddit here!

I would look at properties a few miles away, in a more rural location. You can still be near your family. No need to live in the same city.

its an option lol. Maybe she needs life as she mentions there are no spiders the size of house bricks and seems upset by it...