I can't stand my new home

[WannabeWriter1988]

Hi all, my first post and looking for some clarity on if I am in the wrong here.
We lived for a long time in a small village that was a happy place to live with friendly neighbours, lovely community and beautiful surroundings but had to move due to landlord selling up.
We moved counties to be closer to family but from the moment I viewed this house I didn't feel like it could be a home. When we were accepted for it, I told my partner, my family and friends that I didn't like it and they all said I was being silly and precious and would get over it. But I haven't.
The house is nice, lots of light and space but it's very built up and both overlooked by and overlooking a large number of other flats and houses. There is no nature or nature noise (literally not a single spider), it's never really dark, the people are really loud and it feels like living in a fish bowl for people. I feel desperately unhappy, I can't sleep, I feel anxious all the time and everyone I tell just says I'm being stupid. Is this just me or do other people feel like this?

@WannabeWriter1988 Is this going to be a long term home, or will you be able to move somewhere or to something you would like in 5 years?
In the mean time, could you plant some trees and shrubs into your garden to shield the neighbours and bring in wildlife?
My garden has a very imposing block of flats at the end, only two storeys, but the one that looks over our garden has a balcony. It should have been a Juliette balcony but somehow they built it without anyone noticing and by the time we moved in it had been in over 7 years and there is nothing that can be done about it now. The flat has had various occupants over the 10 years we've been here, one was particularly annoying and liked to broadcast his phone conversations for the whole neighbourhood to hear. Anyway, we have planted trees to block the view from the balcony into our garden and also into our dds bedroom and it is heaven now.

Presumably you’re renting, so can you look for another rental that feels more comfortable for you?

I think we could look to move on but my partner doesn't want to and my family think I'm being silly so I don't think I'd have much support for it. Unfortunately, there is nowhere to plant trees as the garden is tiny and all concrete gravel. I could get some little plants for the garden which might look nice but, I know it sounds petty and selfish, but it feels so pointless as I can't hear any birds or see any proper sunshine or anything

it is always unsettling to move to a new place. i found the first 2 weeks in a new house very confusing.

but you can make the new place yours. think of one or two simple things you can do to claim the space - a small plant in a pot, a bird bath for the birds - once you get started, any space can become nice.

how about putting up fabrics / shade sails so you don't feel you are in a fish bowl and have a private space with a variety of colours?

Yanbu. I grew up in rural Wiltshire, moved to Warwick to be with ex and hated every second of it. It was never dark, never quiet or still. Endless planes and lorries. When I asked where I could go for a walk in woodland I was told to drive 17 miles! It was horrendous. I called where we lived the exercise yard.
I lasted 12 months and ended up on ADs, which I dumped the day I left (escaped). Some people just need space & green, and the midlands is definitely not my natural environment.

Can you improve your space? Fill your garden with shrubs and bird boxes? Build a pond? Shut out the noisy neighbours? At least you are only renting and can move fairly easily.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks except you and your partner - stop asking others for their opinions.

personally, I couldn’t live somewhere like this, I need space around me and to not feel crammed in so totally understand this, but not everyone feels the same - which is ok, all that matters is what you and your partner want.

Why didn't your partner take account of your feelings before even moving into this place?
Did you have no say at all in the matter?

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions and to know that it's not just me being unreasonable and silly. There are some really good ideas to try in comments but just hearing that people understand has actually helped so much.

Have you moved into a prison?
You are sounding a bit melodramatic about it, as I simply can’t imagine everything you are describing!

What do you mean, no sunshine? That would be a deal breaker for me, possibly even a relationship ender. You can't live where you are genuinely depressed and for your partner to expect it is unreasonable.

Respectfully, why did you put in an offer on a house you hated from the moment you saw it? Are you in an abusive relationship?

He did, but he was so enthusiastic about the house I thought I must be missing something and didn't want to be unfair or anything. I asked my mum, my aunties and my friends who all said I was being selfish and silly. The only agreement I got was from my Dad, who said it looked suffocating but maybe I could make it better with my own things

Are you now closer to your family, or his?

Your family thinking you are silly is a bit weird. À collusion against you having a mind and feelings of your own? Did you join in with the self - discounting when you agreed to move there?

Time to get a credible voice, for yourself to hear, as well as those around you.

Oh God no, nothing like that at all. He wouldn't have expected to go ahead if I said I didn't want to. I spoke to a lot of people (family, friends, colleagues) about my thoughts and the general consensus was that I was in the wrong with them.

To mine. His family lived where we moved from.

Absolutely this. Trust your own judgement, and advocate for your own wishes. Nobody else has to live in this house. No one else needs to have an opinion on what it's like to live there. My mother married into a house she absolutely hated, and still hates, and has now lived there for almost sixty years.

It sounds like others are minimising your feelings and opinions. That is the problem.
Please don't allow others to do this. They've told you you are silly and selfish. For having an opinion. Find your inner strength, and make a plan to find somewhere to live that YOU like. Not your family. YOU.

How long are you tied in for? Did you insist on a break clause? I’d give it a few months, but the lack of space would make me go stir crazy.

I had zero connection to my current house for months, I felt quite sad, but we’ve ended up here for over 20 years. I think it was a lot to do with having escaped an aggressive druggy neighbour who made our life hell and we bought a tiny 2 up 2 down and stayed for a year. It was blissful, silent, lovely neighbours, but when we saw this house, it just made sense. 🤷‍♀️

Get some blinds/blackout curtains or find somewhere else to rent.

It sounds like a lovely house in a poor position. You'll probably find the colder months lovely.

I'd be putting up a pegoda with real or fake trellis and trees in half whiskey barrels.

You should not have agreed to live there and need to look into moving if you're still unhappy in the future but make sure you have an idea of where rather than just complaining about your current house. Can you actually find an area you can afford and like and is good for work /school/family.

OK, that’s interesting as I was expecting you to say that he had forced you further away from yours. Did you grow up in the area where you now live? Your family sound quite mean and dismissive of you, do you actually want to be closer to them? Did you feel more freedom when they were further away?

OK, so you are the person who overruled your own preferences, ultimately, by deciding other people's opinions outweighed your own. Why? Is this something you do a lot?

We lived here when I was younger but moved around a bit with my Dad's job. They moved back when he retired so I did spend some time here. I've always been able count on them for good advice and honesty which is why it made sense it was only me being silly and feeling like this as it was so different to where I was before but the longer I am here the more it feels like a prison.

Yes, I think that sums it up. I didn't really know if they were genuine worries as I never had this reaction to a house before and didn't know if it was because it was so different to what I had in the last house.