I can't stand my new home

[WannabeWriter1988]

Hi all, my first post and looking for some clarity on if I am in the wrong here.
We lived for a long time in a small village that was a happy place to live with friendly neighbours, lovely community and beautiful surroundings but had to move due to landlord selling up.
We moved counties to be closer to family but from the moment I viewed this house I didn't feel like it could be a home. When we were accepted for it, I told my partner, my family and friends that I didn't like it and they all said I was being silly and precious and would get over it. But I haven't.
The house is nice, lots of light and space but it's very built up and both overlooked by and overlooking a large number of other flats and houses. There is no nature or nature noise (literally not a single spider), it's never really dark, the people are really loud and it feels like living in a fish bowl for people. I feel desperately unhappy, I can't sleep, I feel anxious all the time and everyone I tell just says I'm being stupid. Is this just me or do other people feel like this?

You do know it’s not OK for anyone close to you to dismiss your concerns as “silly”?

“Selfish” may be a legitimate criticism in some contexts, though it sounds debatable in this one. You sound like you are being bullied and belittled by your family.

There's a reason the TV programme is called Location Location Location ! If you don't like where it is, there is nothing you can do. Plan to move in the next few years.

I know how you feel. That's life in modern Britain – especially central and southern England. There are just too many people jammed onto this little island, simple as that. Developers then take advantage, build tiny boxes and squeeze them on top of one another. They know demand is high and that many of the immigrants who've moved to the UK find these brick rabbit hutches luxurious.

My village is slowly being destroyed by developers. My local woods have been hacked down and replaced with two new estates, and now the fields in the centre of the village are about to disappear as well. The houses they build are tiny and squeezed together, and we're increasingly surrounded by noise, noise, noise – loud music, screeching and backfiring cars, etc. I hate this country. I hate living here. Can't breathe, can't move, can't even enjoy nature any more. No space, no silence, no chance to de-stress. F-ing horrible place to live. If I was young, I'd be gone.

Your concerns are genuine OP . Anyone who had lived rurally would notice too I’m sure .

I recommend you work on introducing nature to your garden as others have suggested - get pot planting . Definitely add a source of water as at the moment this is essential for wildlife and should attract something . I would try and introduce some kind of artificial pond - maybe using a barrel or something similar with a few pond plants

Only caveat is that birds here are very quiet in the heatwave and I’m just not seeing much other than pigeons . So the heat in itself maybe having an impact .

generally though you need to trust your own gut going forward . Your gut was accurate - spot on - but you let others dissuade you . Next time you don’t need to ask those others . Have faith in yourself

OP I am not a garden or design person, but how about a small fountain or water feature? It might cost some money, but maybe the sound of constant water trickling might help? I realise I might know nothing about how this all works!

Demand is falling sharply.

https://northfoxproperty.co.uk/2026/03/23/collapse-in-demand-for-london-apartments/

If Farage gets in I think demand will fall further although the critics say he still needs lots of "legal migration" for various reasons. Maybe people are leaving inner London and moving to the villages?

" Inner London flat prices are now 11.2% below April 2020 levels,"

https://www.propertywire.com/news/inner-london-property-prices-fall-8-7-as-flat-market-weakens/

People aren’t moving much .. stamp duty is stagnating the market. The economy has stalled. People need to feel secure, to move house and take on new mortgages.

This is a very good idea. Most places are a little overlooked, but a huge parasol makes a big difference too, to create a private outside space, fairy lights, a couple of weightless Lafuma deckchairs, olive trees in pots... a small portable speaker to beam a radio show or Spotify. Can even sit out in winter, for morning coffee.

Pop stamp duty on the seller, that will make some difference, asking prices still way too high though.

You've had lots of good ideas so I just want to ask - is there a park nearby? Can you go out and get your fix of nature and space? Maybe walking the dog you're going to get to add life to your home... ;-)

Would it be possible/would you be interested in getting an allotment?

And I'd embrace the opportunity to create a little haven for wildlife in whatever patch of sun and whatever windowboxes you can. If you build it, they will come x

Would only benefit FTB
And they aren’t paying stamp duty anyway!

"i am utterly miserable here" is also justification whjch should be enough tbh

Sounds awful and I would hate it too. Why don’t you compromise and give it a year or trying to do the garden etc and then move if you still hate it

Yanbu, op, except that you ask people around you how you should feel instead of looking inward to notice and listen to how you actually do feel.
As you try to manage the house situation, try to also recognize your own inner voice. No one should tell you you are just being silly and selfish. But if they do, you don't have to listen to them or use their thoughts in place of your own!
Other people want their own things-- maybe they wanted you nearby, or they have homes like that and don't want to validate your rejection of that kind of home/living. Maybe they genuinely don't mind never seeing a bird. They are not you, though.

Trellis and climbers, if you can’t spread out spread upwards.
3 long bamboo canes in a large pot….lots of pots.
make a small oasis the wildlife will find you.

Speaking from experience, if you didn't love it from day one, you might struggle to ever love it.

We'd been delighted with our last house when we viewed it, however on the day we took possession, the moment we unlock the door and went in, I had a sinking feeling that we'd made a terrible mistake. Empty, it looked awful and unwelcoming, but it was too late to go back, with the sale concluded and removal van outside with all our stuff.

I kept telling myself that once we redecorated and made it our own it would be fine, but I it never was. After a couple of months I confessed to XH that I actually hated it and thankfully he felt the same. We'd started going out a lot more just because the house made us miserable, and we put it back on the market before a year was through. Because no matter what we did, it never felt like home, or even a pleasant place to be.

If you are struggling this much with it OP, I think you need to ignore what your family say, talk to your DH about how much it depresses you, and start looking at other place to live. Improving what you can in this place won't make you feel any better about it when you can't change the surrounding space.

It sounds awful. I’d start looking around for other rentals in more rural surroundings. All the plant pots in the world wouldn’t make this somewhere I could live.

Was it the only place you could find in the area you wanted to move to? What is it that your husband and family like that you don't?
When you say there is no sun shine do you mean literally?

Would your partner actually object if you found a house in roughly the same area that was more comparable to your old house?

With your next move would you be able to buy?

Firstly, there are plenty of Facebook groups showing how to make the most of small gardens in - The Yarden Garden and Tiny Secret Gardens are just two that spring to mind. Start working on your outdoor space and you'll feel more positive. Get some bird feeders up too.

Find your local parks. Find walks that take you past interesting houses and gardens. Explore local cafes.

I went from 2 acres in the middle of nowbere to a city apartment with a backyard. You make the best of what you have.

What do you mean no sun? Is it a North facing garden? I live in a semi detached edge of city, small garden. We get sun all day, have lots of insects and nature as we have grass and a tree. It was a poor choice getting a concrete north facing garden. You should have stuck to your guns and said no. Your friends and family don't have to live there, always go with your own gut. Look to move when you can.

You would be even more trapped, attached to a place you potentially don"t like by a mortgage debt.

We moved into this fishbowl house - because it was what we could afford - three storeys on a new build estate overlooked on all sides.

Dunelm cheap daylight blinds everywhere - lets light in blocks out the neighbours

Big pots - the garden is too small, and the soil is too bad for gardening, so I have big tree pots (cheap on Amazon) with cherry trees, climbing rose bushes, tall standard roses (all with height to block neighbours), then smaller pots with a variety of flowers - also a pergola with a canopy to block out the neighbours. I watched a YouTube video on how to have a lovely small garden with pots alone and was inspired.

Bug hotels /bird boxes and feeders - everywhere in the garden

Indoors I have a nature live cam on, like the fish doorbell or a national park and have it go through my active noise-canceling earphones.

Indoor plants everywhere (I kill them often - but am persevering)

Nice wax burner smell - makes me happy. I go for zesty nature citrus