Over the last 5 years, my husband had been creating false HMRC bills which I had been paying to 'help' him. This came up to just under 30k. He has also racked up credit card debt (45k) and taken extra equity out of the home without my knowledge or consent(90k). He insisted at first that he had no knowledge of where the 90k equity had gone. It's only after contacting the conveyancing company sent evidence to show the money had gone to him that he 'remembered' getting the money. He then said he would not have done it without my consent. He also said it was used for home renovations at the time but hasn't yet shown me fully where all the money went. I personally cannot agree to take 90k out without even thinking of how to pay it back, so I feel he is lying about this. It's also come to light that where 2 signatures were required, he used his email address and a shared email address, rather than my direct email address. In addition to this, he sent me emails but omitted information to cover up his tracks. At that time, I had a lot of things going on so can honestly say I was not on the ball. Looking at dates, at one point, he was doing this when I had a lot going on, ie, new baby, sick/dying parents.
The strange thing is the money could have been asked for and given. He lies all the time - even with smaller things and has always found it hard to show emotional vulnerability and be open and honest with me. What I want to know is, what are the chances that he will change? I have known something was off for the last 9 years and it's all coming to light now. Should I just walk away now? He seems to only tells the truth once caught. He says he loves me but I cannot quantify this as love. Why did he steal and lie? Why from me? I suggested because I was gullible and he knew I had money set aside. He says it was about him and his issues and insecurities.
In his 'defence', he said he was struggling financially and found it hard to deal with. I understand financial struggles, but to steal, manipulate and lie? Especially from a person you supposedly love? I recently (last month) asked him to provide credit card statements to show he paid the HMRC the 'money owed'. He got them delivered, falsified the HMRC payments to make it look like he paid the HMRC and popped it back into the post, shredding the originals. All of this baring in mind HMRC don't accept credit card payments and haven't done so since 2018. Again, only admitting the payments were false once caught.
I am all over the place. After marriage, kids and history of 20 years together, I wonder if it's tine for me to call it a day? Has anyone been in this situation? I'm asking for a separation and considering a divorce. Am I being unreasonable to consider these things?