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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend sharing a bed with female friend

104 replies

plsrewind · 03/08/2026 08:57

Both late 30s, in the process of moving in together. One of my boyfriend’s close friends came home from travelling in Australia about 2 weeks ago. A big group of them went out drinking at the weekend to celebrate her coming home. I wasn’t invited, which, on its own isn’t weird, but I’ve been invited to all past meet-ups with this group. But his choice and I saw my own friends.

I would usually stay at his (I only currently spend one day at my house), but he didn’t get in touch much on the Saturday night so ended to staying at mine.

Boyfriend was a bit strange with me Sunday afternoon. He didn’t contact me in the morning. Big gushy texts saying he missed me, come over, we’ll have a nice evening… all very ott and not how he usually talks to me. Got to his and he was in the shower. Got into bed and honestly the sheets stand of fake tan. I knew something was up then. He came back from shower and asked me to order food on his phone.

When ordering a message popped up from the female friend “hahahaa did you stay in the bed with me all night? Xx”.

I immediately asked him what that meant, he grabbed his phone and said she was too drunk to go home so she stayed in his/our bed. Immediately said “nothing happened though”.

He’s previously told me his ex had a problem with this woman because she was flirty with everyone and believed she fancied my boyfriend.

I went home after finding the texts but was I being unreasonable? Is it possible they did just “share a bed”?

OP posts:
JulMay6 · 05/08/2026 11:39

The whole situation sounds incredibly shady.

You wasn’t invited despite previously being invited to meet ups, doesn’t sound like your partner was fussed you wasn’t invited.

He didn’t tell you they shared a bed, you found out from seeing a text message. That mixed with a sudden change in behaviour? Guilty conscience. Whether they had sex or not… you might never find out. But the lying, having another woman in bed is enough to make me want to leave someone!

LaDamaDeElche · 05/08/2026 12:41

Yeah, that’s a really disrespectful thing to do. I say that as someone who frequently shared a bed with my best friend (male) when we were teenagers at mates houses and after clubbing etc. He’s now married and I have a long term partner and our bed sharing days stopped after high school. Wouldn’t occur to either of us that it would be ok now. That’s what sofas are for. Would he be ok with you sharing a bed with a male friend? I suspect not!

WadiShab · 06/08/2026 21:25

Trust your gut. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck. Sorry to say ain't no way nothing happened. I can't even say they crossed boundaries because it appears they don't have any.

Mumofkidss2 · Yesterday 13:08

Sorry to say but they had sex. The only way they didn't is if your boyfriend was gay. Being dodgy and secretive,I wouldn't continue the relationship. No one in a relationship should or would let the opposite sex sleep in bed with them when they're in a relationship, like why??? Does he NOT have a couch???

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