AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

[ByJollyQuail]

Just after some outside opinions because I'm genuinely not sure whether my sister has a point or whether she's being overly judgemental.

DH and I have been together since university and are now in our early 50s. We have two sons. Our eldest has just finished university and starts a graduate scheme in investment banking in London in a few weeks. Our youngest gets his A-level results in a couple of weeks and, hopefully, will be applying to study Economics and Maths and will be going to university sept 2026 after taking a gap year travelling. He plans to go after Christmas and is using money we saved for him to spend on whatever he wanted, he’s chosen to go travel all over South America solo we plan to meet him in a few countries.

DH retired early a couple of years ago. He's not old enough to draw his private pension yet, but we'd planned well financially and he reached the point where he simply didn't need to work anymore. I still work two days a week because I enjoy it.

We've always been sociable people and, if I'm honest, we've always enjoyed a drink. Even back at university we were the ones organising nights out, and that side of us has never really changed. We travel a lot, go away for weekends, love jazz bars with live music and dancing, go out for meals, have friends over regularly and I absolutely love hosting dinner parties. Our house has always been the one where people gather.

Life has changed recently though. Our boys are adults now and quite rightly have their own lives. They both have girlfriends, they're building their own futures and we've naturally had to take a bit of a back seat as parents. That's exactly how it should be, and we're proud of them, but it does mean our lives are much quieter than they were when they were younger.

In a few weeks our eldest will move into London for work, and next year our youngest will head off travelling before university, so it'll just be the two of us most of the time. We actually like each other's company and have always enjoyed going out together, so that's never worried either of us.

The issue is this. My sister stayed with us for a long weekend recently. One evening we had friends over for dinner. We opened wine while I was cooking and everyone had a couple of glasses over the course of the evening. The next night we went to the pub with friends and I had three glasses of wine over several hours while DH had a couple of pints and a whisky. The following evening we stayed in, cooked dinner together and shared a bottle of wine while watching a film.

A few days after she'd gone home she rang me and said she was actually worried about us. She said she'd noticed we seemed to drink every day and thought we'd normalised alcohol to an unhealthy extent. She even used the word "alcoholics", which completely took me aback. I’ve said to her we just like having fun, we aren’t drinking at 8am every morning, we aren’t arguing, we like good alcohol that’s all and we don’t really have any responsibilities.

The thing is, she's not entirely wrong that we drink most evenings. If I'm not commuting into London the next day I'll often have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. If I'm off the following day we might share a bottle. If we're out with friends we'll drink then too.

Neither of us has ever missed work because of drinking. We don't drink in the mornings, don't hide alcohol, don't become unpleasant after drinking and we can easily go without if one of us is driving, we're travelling somewhere or we're doing something where drinking isn't appropriate.

My sister barely drinks herself. She might have a glass of prosecco at Christmas or a wedding and that's about it, so perhaps her idea of normal is very different from ours.
DH thinks she's being ridiculous and says we've simply reached a stage in life where we have time, disposable income and enjoy good food, entertaining and a drink together. He says we're not neglecting anyone or anything because there really aren't many day-to-day responsibilities anymore.

I wasn't worried until she said it, but now I'm wondering if we've drifted into drinking so regularly that we've stopped noticing it.

AIBU to think she's overreacting?

Are we reading the same thread?

The OP isn't enjoying her retirement, she's drinking it away because she's nothing else to do. Her dh is enjoying his retirement, OP is just hanging around.

Have you only read the OP's first post?

Read all of her posts. She is unhappy and drinks too much.

Bless you. Don't worry about your sister and the way you are feeling regarding the home situation is quite normal when children are more independent and leaving home, you will adjust.

You said you'd both had medicals and were OK so far. Keep it that way. Cut down on your drinking, limit and pace yourselves. If you commit to doing that, your husband will too. It sounds as though you keep yourselves fit in other ways and I trust you eat healthily.

I have friends, they are actually ex-neighbours, who were very like you - and good fun - but they reached a stage where they felt they could not drink as much any more and cut it well down. They are also quite fit, now aged 76 and 77, living a great life.

You can do the same.

Good luck.

OP wake up and read all your messages. This is clearly not a happy women who drinks to socailise and is breezing through life happily. I'm not saying its all doom and gloom, there is clearly a lot going for you too.

The replies with typos and repetitively saying about judgement is embarrassing and worrying. If your DS was witness to this 3 nights in a row, I'm not surprised she raised her concerns.

Only you can face if you're an alcoholic or not. If you refuse to count units and the thought of not drinking for a few nights works you into that much of a fluster then I'd say you're def a functional alcoholic or on your way towards it. Alcoholics dont just drink cheap cider on a park bench at 10am on a Wednesday.

No one should drink every day and it sounds like you are well over the limits suggested. However there is no real safe limits for our health really and nothing good comes from alcohol apart from the socialising/ drinking it etc. Honestly i think you should cut back a little as it could come and bite you in the arse as you age. Just because you don’t drink in a morning etc doesn’t mean you don’t have a reliance on it under the guise of socialising.

Im not anti alcohol or tea total at all but since turning 40 i don’t enjoy it like i do and have found it’s the first glass you truly enjoy not every single one. So if i drink i have one or two and maybe once a week or once every 2/3 weeks. i also am exploring the non alcohol alternatives you can out in a nice glass with a mixer so it feels like you are ‘having a nice drink’ without the alcohol

At the end of the day you are adults and you can choose how you want to live but just be aware of your health.

I doubt she'll be back after the massive pile on. She shouldn't read all her messages - it would simply drive her to drink more!....who needs all the negativity??? I think a couple of messages were enough for her to get the message. I'm sure she was mortified on Sunday morning. Poor lass. I hope she's ok and is able to manage a few alcohol free days in the week 🙏

I only really drink when I go out, which is perhaps once a month on average. I rarely drink in house and only have 4-5 drinks max when I do get drunk.
I personally think it’s odd that people drink so much in their own house. I have a lot of friends who’ll drink nearly every night as they open wine with their tea - my own parents have wine a couple nights a week but I have never understood the appeal.
I think they people like that do have an addiction because they can’t actually choose to stop drinking (they say ‘I don’t want to’ but really, they can’t) It’s normalised as having fun, or relaxing, so they don’t see it as a big deal.
also so many get drunk or incapacitated in their own house while the kids are there. I find that odd also. I wouldn’t like to be under the influence while I had to look after my kids.

It looks like the kind of spelling teens do when they’re pretending to be drunk to their mates …

Op I do think you drink too much and if you read back your posts when you are sober and don’t agree then you’re in denial

ask your kids what they think

think you should try and cut back immediately.

Enjoy your lifestyle; you’ve earned it! Also, this is completely normal in my world. As your sister barely drinks, she has a different ‘normal’. Which is fine for her, but don’t let it change your enjoyment of life!

Hey op I recently worked out my units and was shocked (30 units some week, if we were on holiday or out some nights 50 units a week), I recently had some blood tests and had some raised markers for problematic drinking. It really shocked me and now I’ve cut right back.

You don’t need to be an alcoholic for your liver to start to be affected, please go and get checked, full liver function, full red blood cell count, kidney and so on.

"Normal" isn't necessarily good or healthy though.

I enjoy wine, but I don't drink at anything like the level that the OP does.

Have you read the OP's subsequent posts? She is clearly unhappy.

Ah, but I am commenting on the drinking, which was the subject of OP’s post, not the state of her relationship! Everyone is entitled to their version of ‘normal’. I am and you are!! Sounds like you have a ‘normal’ level of drinking for you, which is fab.

I genuinely hope the OP finds some happiness, whatever that looks like for her.

If you read her later comments, the OP doesn't have a great lifestyle. She's lonely and unhappy. Her DH is "crazy insane". It's not good.

It being expensive doesn't negate the negatives. I'm not particularly on either side of the fence on this debate but to mention the cost of the alcohol, like problem drinkers are only necking Mad Dog is a foolish to me.

I think that tells us that targeting drivers for testing works far better than random testing.

It doesn’t necessarily tell us what the drinking levels in the population are.

Jesus!

Do we drink too much?
We never have sober sex
We never go a day without drinking
My husband is crazy
I'm lonely
Drinking is all we have
Sober is awful
I never count my units (I'm too scared too)
Incoherent drunk rambling

I think you answered youself.

The more I read of this, the more I think it someone trying to be funny.

Drunkeness is not funny.
If it's true, the OP is a drunk.

OP you do seem to drink a lot and center a lot of your socialising/meals/evenings around alcohol. If you are drinking everyday you are almost surely above limits.

Why do you need to drink? Take a few nights off - if you can easily do it fair enough. If not, you may have a problem.

Maybe you’re not alcoholics OP but that does sound like a lot of alcohol to drink that regularly. It does sound like alcohol is your go to when socialising or wanting to relax in an evening - even if you aren’t necessary addicted. That wont be good for your long term physical health. I think your sister is worried about your health - she’s maybe gone about it in the wrong way but her intentions are well.

Read ALL of OPs posts. You will have a very different view.

Heavy drinking is defined by males, 5 or more drinks on any day, 15 or more drinks a week
Female 4 or more drinks on any day, 8 or more drinks a week.
Excessive drinking can cause many health issues. I say, everything in moderation. But if you use alcohol to socialise or to drink alone, you are graduating to a place you do not want to go to

@ByJollyQuail I know you don’t want to hear it but you are probably alcohol dependent (and the quality of your wine doesn’t matter to your organs). You won’t calculate your units because it’s probably too overwhelming to actually add them up, and to see the result, which should indicate to you that it is a problem. You can deny as much as you want but you could be doing your organs a lot of damage. Try to look after yourself because liver damage or any other alcohol induced damage isn’t what you want to end up with instead of a long and healthy retirement.

This is someone taking the piss in my honest opinion but nicely done. OP good you had fun and thanks this has been an interesting conversation on alcohol tbh

Well individual’s ‘normal’ can differ enormously and not all normals are equal. Oliver Reed’s normal would have had me in my grave by the end of the week.