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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Middle finger

181 replies

naturetrail · 01/08/2026 19:34

Dd2 1st birthday little family tea party today. Dd1 15 moans she doesn't like her photo being taken. I respect her privacy and NEVER post her photo anywhere but I do take photos of all my kids for memories. Today I've taken photos of everyone throughout the afternoon. When I've sat just now and looked through my camera roll dd1 has done a sly Middle finger in every single photo that has her in. Ones with her and ds and dd2, grandad, aunties, uncles etc. I'm absolutely fuming that she's spoiled every photo.
I spoke to her and said I can't believe you've done that and that I'm really cross she's spoiled the photos. She said oh mum I've told you i don't like having my photo taken and then she's flounced off because I'm being ridiculous in her eyes.
Am i totally out of order on this? I take the photos as memories and photos are so important to me. All my childhood photos were destroyed which dd1 knows really upset me, so capturing memories feels ultra important to me and maybe thats making me over react and i should just laugh this off?

OP posts:
Imdunfer · 02/08/2026 18:22

Oaktree1952 · 02/08/2026 18:06

Why would a mother want a picture of her daughter? Seriously?

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Yes, why would a mother want to look at a picture of a daughter who she forced to face the camera and smile? Why would she want a picture of that memory?

BobbysDazzler · 02/08/2026 18:50

Imdunfer · 02/08/2026 08:40

Why else would you bring up a long dead issue about something he can't now change? I don't understand how you think it might help him become a better parent, faced with a child behaving the same way, by being forced to talk about how bad he's made you feel.

It can't serve any other purpose that I can see than to make him feel guilty and for you maybe to feel slightly better about it for knowing he feels guilty. I hope for his sake you can let it go.

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He's my son and I know him better than anyone lol

I will also add that I didn't ask for advice, the OP did and I offered my ten penneth, it's her decision if she wants to use it ignore it or respond. But I appreciate your input. Have a good day.

Oaktree1952 · 02/08/2026 19:56

Imdunfer · 02/08/2026 18:22

Yes, why would a mother want to look at a picture of a daughter who she forced to face the camera and smile? Why would she want a picture of that memory?

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She wants the memory of her other child’s birthday. She either remembers the day with everyone smiling or she remembers the day with her eldest being unreasonable about a photo. I know what I would rather.

TrainspottingWelsh · 02/08/2026 20:03

Oaktree1952 · 02/08/2026 11:41

The same could be said about me forcing my child to have their nappy changed, forcing my child not to tell lies, forcing my child to go to school. There are many things in this world that we have to do because we just have to or it’s kind. Coercion is all around us - what do you think following the law is. You are forced to do something because of a threat. Why don’t I speed along a deserted country road - because it’s against the law.

parenting is teaching your child the difference between being kind - letting your mother take a photo of you and coercive behaviour - someone wanting to take inappropriate pictures of you. It’s teaching your child what is kind and what is inappropriate. The daughter is 15. Not 5. There can be layers to a rule.

we teach our children not to hit. And then as they get older we bring in caveats to that - if someone is attacking you it’s ok to h back and defend yourself.

She’s not wanting a picture at the beach. She wants a picture of her kids at a birthday party!

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Absolutely ridiculous comparison.

Anything I needed my dc to do/ not do, if they objected it involved me explaining why it needs to be done. If anything I ever said could only be explained by ‘because it makes me happy and my feelings are more important than yours’ I would have known my expectations were unreasonable and unfair

ThisChirpyOpalCat · 02/08/2026 20:08

I wouldn’t find it funny. Does it not still mean fuck off?

Imdunfer · 02/08/2026 20:30

Oaktree1952 · 02/08/2026 19:56

She wants the memory of her other child’s birthday. She either remembers the day with everyone smiling or she remembers the day with her eldest being unreasonable about a photo. I know what I would rather.

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But she can't remember that as anything but coercion, can she? Unless she convinces herself the girl was willing, it will just be a memory of the girl being difficult on the day, smile or no smile.

As long as the 15 year old is in the photo, it's a memory of her being "unreasonable". I don't actually think it's unreasonable for a 15 year old to ask not have her photo taken, especially not if she's been brought up as she should have been to believe that she has autonomy over her own body.

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