AIBU to wonder if my DH is pedantic or am I being oversensitive?

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DH is incredibly pedantic and I’ll try to give some specific examples as I don’t know if it’s just me being over-sensitive:

• He will insist that the children are quiet at meal times so that he can always listen to the radio or TV. Starts shouting if this rule is not upheld.

• Is obsessed with feeding the kids healthy meals. Over the summer, they are allowed one lolly/ ice cream a day. They have never been to a fast food restaurant as he would go mad. If I ever buy sweets, he goes ballistic.

• Is obsessed with his mpg in the car and if I’m driving, will always tell me what to do.

• Will not let me do laundry during the day - it has to be done during the night to save money. I’m the one who has invested in solar panels, but he pays electricity bills.

• Will never, ever chuck anything out and when I try to have a declutter, will go through the items and try and bring things back.

• when in the car, he gets fixated on overtaking the car in front and drives too quickly with the children. Both me and my FIL agree with this behaviour.

How do I live with this? Who’s the problem here?

Having survived a devastating housefire in which a couple of my pets died, the one that leapt out at me was the running of a washing machine at night!

There is not one fire service in the UK that doesn't say don't run machines with a heating element at night or when the house is empty. The risk of a fire is huge.

It's scary....and that's without his utterly selfish and unreasonable demands in so many other areas of your lives.

This

The solar panel thing is nuts, you will save more using electricity during the day when it’s free than the pittance for selling it to the grid.

This sounds a bit more than pedantic! He just sounds like a common or garden wanker!!

I came to say this too. He is being unreasonable though.

Having read a myriad of your posts over the years I am going to blunt - what do you want from them?
You are educated woman with a career in teaching.
Your DH got a stripper on his stag do. Your descriptions of him - from his rules to his oily back - are repulsive.
As someone who safeguards children at work you are allowing your children to live with this abusive man, who rules every aspect of their lives.
You are not a downtrodden SAHM with no agency. You know the damage this man inflicts, you are 40, young enough to start again with plenty of time.
You are choosing to stay with a man who constantly comments on other women in front of your children.
He is a creep.
Your poor children.

My husband was very similar…no running on the stairs, voices low, no slouching on the sofa, everything little thing was wrong. I just snapped one day and told him how things would be run from now on. He is step-dad, not dad though. I don’t think it improved our marriage, but my kids don’t live in fear of doing the wrong thing anymore and I am in control of my family. Men like this can’t and won’t see the error of their ways. Only you can decide whether you want your children to live like this.

Not being able to talk at mealtimes is awful and selfish. All families should be encouraged to chat away over dinner - it can be a real source of family bonding. Your poor kids.

Your children cannot grow up thinking this is normal behaviour.

God he sounds hideous.

I echo everyone else's comments but as an aside, I was told by a health and safety expert that you should never leave your washing machine running overnight as it is the appliance that is most likely to catch fire and trap you upstairs asleep/kill you. Sorry to side track the conversation.

Yes - I never run mine at night for this reason.

OP, he’s a dictator. Nobody tells me when to run the washing machine, how to load the dishwasher or that I must be silent at mealtimes. What the bloody hell?

Get your DC away from this idiot.

I don’t think it’s pedantry. I think he’s a controlling, nit-picking, joy sucking fun sponge. Why the hell are you letting him shout at your DC to shut up when they’re having a conversation at dinner, which is perfectly normal behaviour? He’s the bloody weird one. Why on earth are you with him? This wankery is only going to get worse, as he’s likely to become even more inflexible with age.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t live like that.

100% this …

Years ago I was a professional writer, one of the lingering effects of which being a strong preference towards the correct use of words and punctuation. Yes, I know how irritating this is so I try hard not do express this anywhere I know it won't be appreciated. That's what pedantry is.

Your husband isn't a pedant. He's a bullying twat.

This is selfish, unkind, controlling behaviour. Please look up the word pedantic - this not what it means.

For the DCs’ sake, probably best if he eats separately and never drives them.

The rest you can sort out between yourselves.

Do you really think it's you being over sensitive op? That's alarming.

At this stage this is entirely your own fault. Sorry

you are always posting about this twat. Constantly. You choose to keep your kids in this environment so what do you actually want people to say? You’re actually as bad as him tbh.

you’re really letting your kids down here by actively choosing this for them

you won’t do anything though. Just post again in a few weeks

Your Husband is emotionally controlling you and the children, with everything done his way or there will be consequences.

Im not saying it would be physical, but he will make his dissatisfaction known over a prolonged period and probably be malicious, making you and the children feel guilty and end up apologising to him just to have a quiet life.

He will also escalate as the children get older and have to cope with their own teenage moods.

I have been lucky to have only met one person who like this: a bully to his wife and children.

It is very difficult to recognise that you are in such a relationship. Even when you do realise, it can take a huge amount of effort to actually walk out of such a relationship.

He will end up driving the children away when they are old enough to leave if you are not careful.

Leave him. End of.

he is being abusive (controlling)
leave, with the kids, take them to Macdonalds if you want.

He wasn't like this before what?

Your poor children.

Since when was this the definition of ‘pedantic’?

Divorce this abusive, controlling arsehole.

This prince you married has grown into an utter arsehole. There is so much more to life than this.

Do you ever say no to him? What happens if you do?