AIBU to go to this family party?

[Dappy777]

Someone in my extended family was caught meeting an underage girl he groomed online. It went to court, but he escaped prison. His parents, siblings, etc, made excuses (she led him on, he was ‘depressed,’ that sort of thing). They minimalised and dismissed the whole thing. Tomorrow I will have to sit in a room with this person or miss out on a family get together.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? By sitting in a room and talking to him I feel like I’m condoning what he did. But if I don’t go, I won’t see people I love. My friend’s brother was convicted of viewing indecent images of children and she cut him out of her life completely.

Can you go and just not speak to that person? How big is the gathering?

I don’t think I could go and socialise with someone who had done that

I would go and I would ignore him. If he comes up to talk to you I would simply, very quietly so only he can hear, say I am here to see the rest if my family but I have no desire to speak to you or have anything to do with you so please leave me alone and walk away

I couldn't be in a room with the pervert and his enablers.

Stay home and tell people why.

How often would they be at family gathering?

What would you be missing out on by not being around paedophile protectors? Everyone supporting him is appalling.

I think I’d also find it hard to be at the gathering with all the people who are making excuses for him

It depends on who's gathering it is.
If it's someone who supported him and blamed the underage girl, I wouldn't want to go.

I wouldn’t go. He should be in prison.

If the party includes the people who supported him and blamed the victim , i couldn't be in a room with any of them .

Oh, I could never be near him, or anyone who wanted to be near him. These people should be ostracised forever.

No, I wouldn’t go.

I don’t understand why you need to sit and speak to him. It’s one thing to go, it’s a whole other to sit and speak to him.

Dont go

I couldn’t go, I think his crime is inexcusable. But you may have to be prepared for family to take his side and stop including you

I’d give it a try, judge the people who do talk to him, and decide who to keep up a relationship with.

Basically start running family events for the people who aren’t blaming girls for the behaviour of abusive men.

Don't go.

If you want the people you love around you, organise that yourself.

I have been in that situation and continued to be polite to the perpetrator when we met occasionally at wider family events . His children would have suffered too much if we had cut their dad off completely. They knew what he did and were shocked, but still loved their dad and worried about him.

It's not just him though, it's everyone who supported him, lied about the victim and minimised his paedophilia

I wouldn't go unless I promised someone I actually like that I would

Go but just avoid him .

I work with children who have been sexually abused and exploited. The pain people like this man cause through their actions cannot be overstated. I wouldn't go, and I would be very clear with the hosts and anyone enabling and minimising his offending why I wasn't going.

Agree entirely with this.

I absolutely would not speak to this abuser ever again.
I hope those protecting him and making excuses for him aren’t the type to be ranting about immigrants on boats ‘raping our women and girls.’

Nobody in my family minimised or excused the man's behaviour. But we recognised that his children continued to love him and wanted to see him at least treated politely by other people they love. The kids are grown up now and we no longer have any reason to see their dad.

Sorry but that’s not the children’s choice to make for other people. If they want to see their father; fine. They have NO right to expect anyone else to.