AIBU to go to this family party?

[Dappy777]

Someone in my extended family was caught meeting an underage girl he groomed online. It went to court, but he escaped prison. His parents, siblings, etc, made excuses (she led him on, he was ‘depressed,’ that sort of thing). They minimalised and dismissed the whole thing. Tomorrow I will have to sit in a room with this person or miss out on a family get together.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? By sitting in a room and talking to him I feel like I’m condoning what he did. But if I don’t go, I won’t see people I love. My friend’s brother was convicted of viewing indecent images of children and she cut him out of her life completely.

No I wouldn’t go and, rightly or wrongly, I’d judge anyone who chooses to.

An acquaintance has recently posted pictures of a family birthday celebration including her brother who has been caught sending sexual images and grooming a child online. Some of the family are missing and I hope it’s because they are choosing to make a stand against this predator. He’s at a table full of children with his young daughter on his lap. It’s sickening. If I were that child’s mother he’d have to drag me through hell and back before he had any unsupervised access to her. Despicable the lot of them.

You did. You allowed him to continue to socialise and behaved “politely” towards him. That absolutes minimises what he did. You should be demonstrating what the consequences are for his behaviour. Plus, they were children, how on earth could you know that he hadn’t abused them too?!

I couldn't go, I know someone that did the same and found it gave them a sense of "I'm untouchable".
No way would I sit in a room with them and those that turn a blind eye to that kind of behaviour. Family or not.

It wasn't really about rights or expectations on the children's part. They were devastated by what their dad had done and couldn't bear to see him being rejected.

I am not going to describe the details but there was no reason to think that he abused his own children. Nobody minimised what he did. The children didn't minimise it themselves , but they continued to love him and that was important to them. Seeing their dad rejected by many people they knew was an extra layer of hell for them, not a learning experience.

I would not go to an event with this man, or the people who blamed his victim, no matter who they were.

It depends. If the party is being held for him specifically, then it would obviously be wrong to go.
Even if it’s not and he just happens to be there, I think I’d also decline.

I wouldn't go.

No I wouldn’t go. And I’d tell them why.
They are enabling him and that’s so wrong.

Oh Christ no, I would never knowingly spend time in the company of a paedophile or any disgusting person who enabled them to rejoin society. The people who have invited him are reprehensible in my view.

He should be rejected. All paedophiles are someone’s son, brother, father etc. Having children does not make him a special case.

This enabling is what allows this behaviour to continue. I couldn’t be in the company of anyone who tolerated it, for any reason.

Agree. No amount of FOMO would have me in that room of paedophile/ paedophilia supporters.

I mean what are we talking he's 18 and she's 15 and lied about her age or he's 40 and she's 12

Avoid and see the others another time. But sounds like some of them are just as bad so…. Go and have a nice day doing something else??

Treated politely? I've seen it all now.

Mental.

His children still matter. They are innocent.

I know I am in a minority of one on here but I still think this was the right thing to do for the sake of his innocent children. He knew what we thought of what he did, we told him.

You thought the right example to set children was continuing to welcome a paedophile to family gatherings?

Not welcome, but accept politely on the occasions we bumped into him. He's still part of his childrens lives. We don't see him now that the children are grown up and make their own arrangements . They are still horrified by what he did, but they are loyal to him. Love has not died.
It isn't that we went out of our way to see him. BTW, that is a misunderstanding.

They don’t matter more than the victims. They also should be nowhere near a paedophile. Shame on anyone being part of this.

This is utterly indefensible.

OK, I possibly should not have commented without being willing to explain the circumstances.
The issue of these children'not mattering more than the victims' is irrelevant. It's not a competition. They have all suffered.

Shocking that you can’t see you all should’ve taken control of this situation and protected those children from him. Instead you enabled him and probably confused the living fuck out of them. No doubt it will surface for them when they have their own children or even grandchildren and they’ll wonder what you were actually thinking to allow that.

Of course “love did not die” but there is every reason to think a paedophile might’ve abused his easiest targets. You could not have known.

Crikey am wondering if you live close to me !! Have had to stop myself from commenting on local FB that maybe these people should be looking a lot closer to home!

I don't agree with the minimizing, but isolating offenders socially makes them more likely to reoffend. It's easy to be self righteous and exclusionary about it but it doesn't help any more than completely sweeping it under the carpet does.

You obviously haven’t worked with this type of offender.