I want to tell daughter in law to stop posing on photos

[woopdedoodle]

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know it's harmless, I know it's none of my business.

But if I see another family holiday picture where its all best profile, drinky with pinky cocked over her straw sunglasses tilted look at my boobs again I'll scream.

Or I can vent here and you can all talk me down before I say something everyone will regret.

I mean just relax, play with the kids, have fun .

The fact I was rung on day one of the school holiday cause she couldn't deal with them might be colouring my attitude to all the time spent styling, posing and collating perfect pictures must be taking. But I'm old school and my kids weren't accessories.

I do feel better now, thank you for listening.

Have we discussed filters?

Geez, there’s this one girl - late 40s - who I know for certain is not at all attractive but the rest of the world thinks she’s a glamour model as everyone of her photos on FB has a miracle filter. She posts a photo of her fake self daily - also with a pout - just for the ‘omg you’re gorgeous comments’ from old school friends that she hasn’t seen in 30 years!

Just ridiculous!

It's not just one generation - all women are judged on their looks and it's not them defining their self worth by their looks, it's society!

In a digital world, we have more opportunities than ever to see candid pictures of people vs filtered content and read the fucking awful things that people say about them online, in the media, and to their faces sometimes.

I grew up in the era where photos of celebrities had their cellulite circled, where women like Emma Bunton and Renee Zelweger's Bridget Jones were absolutely slammed for being 'fat' in the mainstream media, and where there was a nationwide tabloid countdown toward Charlotte Church being legally able to have sex.

But At least we could get away from it a bit - young women today are absolutely bombarded with reminders that if they speak out of turn or say anything controversial, critics will go after their looks just as readily as they will their ideas, often moreso.

They watched Donald Trump use social media to mock an autistic teenage activist on the world stage while his fans applaud him for saying he grabs women 'by the pussy' and women's rights are being dialled back and put under threat seemingly constantly.

I don't think they are objectifying themselves or deciding to value their looks more than is warranted - I think they are very aware that they live in a world that judges them incredibly harshly.

When people who are supposed to be their allies will happily take to the internet to suggest that succumbing to the pressure to meet modern beauty standards makes them a bad parent, and loads of people pile on to criticise the looks of 'an entire generation ' of women, it both cements the idea that looks are important while making it impossible to actually do anything about that without being accused of vanity and shallowness.

It's an awful catch 22 - I'm so glad I grew up before Facebook and camera phones as I would be so miserable if I was a young woman today.

You've got to feel sad for these people.....

Yeah I know someone who does this. She's mid 50's looks good but plasters the 30 years younger filter on her photos and everyone praises her, even though they know she doesn't look like that. I don't get it. Why would someone make themselves look amazing on screen but then they're going to look like shit in real life because they can't compare to a filter?

There are some people that wouldn’t be recognisable in real life, due to the high level of filtering that they do! 🤣🤦‍♀️
I actually think it’s pathetic and it’s SO obvious.

I don’t always like pics of myself so I just don’t post them!
I’ve been really heavy and had very low self-esteem as a result so I know what it’s like not to have confidence in yourself.

She sounds annoying!

I was going to say is she quite thick - there is a distinct correlation I find. Not very young people but assume she is not a teenager?

I hear you. The summer braggy posts have really begun. It disgusts me actually. Enjoy your kids and spend time away from social media. The odd pic fine, but its all a bit sad really. Whenever i have been having the best time in my life, my first thought is never social media. I dont think you can say anything, she sounds a bit insecure. Bite your tongue and avoid her posts. Your relationships with grandchildren is more inportant to you.

Take a few selfies with you doing silly poses. She will get the message.

Does she also have an Only Fans page? Otherwise why be so precious in posing unless she's advertising.

The effort you would have to make to ignore this, or learn to live with this, or to ask for a change, pales into insignificance against the effort DIL would have to make to stop. One day this will stop happening, but not now. If you don't want to see it, don't look. I feel your pain.

I studied with a girl a few years ago (post grad so we were already mid ish 20s). Occasionally I see her Facebook posts and they are so self-absorbed I can’t help but look at them every time 😆 normally 95% her, 5% scenic pics etc. And not just massively posed pics, also posed videos of her walking to / away from the camera. It’s so ridiculously self-indulgent - I’d die a death asking someone to video me while I slowly walked towards them and blew a kiss 😆😆

Wow, this post took me right back to 1989!

I find all this posing pathetic, why does anybody want to do it? Maybe too much time on their hands.

As annoying as she is, choose your battles. One day she will realise how much of life she has missed out on by prioritising selfie opportunities. As long as the children are looked after you may need to let this slide.

I said yabu but changed my vote when you said she’s 40!!!

Theres no twist - the OP didnt give enough information.

why? 40 year olds arent allowed to post on social media?

thats just your opinion that its for mens validation.
It wasnt exactly clear from the OP what is being posted. 'drinky pinkie? '...

you cant possibly know that from the OP.

Nah, you got called out on your nastiness and then had a sook.
You are the one who said 'binning the kids off' as a judgement on the womans parenting when you literally had no idea from what the OP wrote, there was zero info in the post about the actual circumstances.
Then you go after me because somebody questioned your pile on.

A couple of thoughts……it may be irritating and I agree with you but it’s her life and let her take the photos she wants to. It doesn’t hurt you and it isn’t your place to lecture her about how to live her life. Plus you don’t really want to damage your relationship with your son by interfering.

On the other issue of the phone call on day one of the summer holidays, stop stepping in and make her step up for taking care of the kids.

There was no nastiness from that poster, why are you making shit up? Your posts are extremely defensive.

Wow she's had 3 kids and still managing to look good for magazine style shots, good on her!

I don't post pics of myself on socials (I rarely use them) but if I was good looking I probably would!

Totally agree, it's ridiculous , but you won't achieve anything except turn her against you....
I despair when I see younger women all looking identical with lip filler and laminated brows, the filters in the photos and the same choreographed poses. It's sad because nothing changes. Women feeding in to a mindset that they have to look and behave in a certain way to be acceptable and nowadays it's apparently being clones of each other...
But maybe try to build her up and work on her confidence instead of criticising her and maybe she'll open her eyes and start to embrace individuality.