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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset after my partner chose gaming over intimacy?

83 replies

Biscuitz1 · 30/07/2026 21:48

My toddler finally slept. I put on some lingerie (mind that my body is NOT tea, size A cups, no bum but plenty of tum) and went into the sitting room.
My partner was playing playstation, gives me abaolutely no compliments (nothing new) but did look at me.
He said 'let me finish the match and then i will come'. I sigh, grab my phone and leave the room. He states dont be like that, i had already started the match.

My sister thinks im overeacting as im upset.

OP posts:
UndoRedo · 01/08/2026 07:42

I'd have started without him ...

chedderland · 01/08/2026 07:44

Wow do people use the term tea as a compliment now. I’m getting old

givemesteel · 01/08/2026 11:02

sammylady37 · 01/08/2026 07:24

Maybe I'm in a relationship where I actually like my partner, I like having sex with him

Doesn't sound like it, tbh, considering you also say you’d ’never dress up for him again’ if he didn’t respond the way you wanted and perform on demand. You also say you suspect the OP’s partner ‘will never get that lucky again’, suggesting that you think it’s ok to withdraw and never initiate sex again just because the partner wasn’t immediately responsive the way the woman wanted. Weaponising sex in a relationship is never a good look and not something people who like, love and respect their partners do.

There's a big gulf between dressing up in lingerie hoping that he'll like it and getting rejected and thinking, ok well I'm not doing that again and literally never having sex with him again.

That's not weaponising sex that's just thinking, yeah that didn't work for me, I didn't enjoy that, which we all have a right to do, surely.

If what happened to the OP happened to me, no I wouldn't dress up for him again. But I'm lucky I'm not with a loser who priorities gaming over his relationship.

chedderland · 01/08/2026 11:32

CurdinHenry · 30/07/2026 21:58

I also would find a person who calls sex "intimacy" and refers to their "tum" sexually uninspiring tbf.

and tea

gannett · 01/08/2026 11:41

givemesteel · 01/08/2026 11:02

There's a big gulf between dressing up in lingerie hoping that he'll like it and getting rejected and thinking, ok well I'm not doing that again and literally never having sex with him again.

That's not weaponising sex that's just thinking, yeah that didn't work for me, I didn't enjoy that, which we all have a right to do, surely.

If what happened to the OP happened to me, no I wouldn't dress up for him again. But I'm lucky I'm not with a loser who priorities gaming over his relationship.

Show quote history

Would you call a woman who was watching her favourite show and not in the mood for sex a "loser for prioritising her show over her relationship"?

gannett · 01/08/2026 11:41

OneFunGreyFish · 01/08/2026 00:35

Every single one of you knows that if you made the effort to get vulnerable enough to put on lingerie and initiate sex and you were rebuffed in this way, that you would feel devastated about it. And you would probably never do it again, which is what I suspect will happen here. For all the gender equality bullshit in the world you all know that it is the male partners role to lead on intimacy and when this doesn't happen big big problems follow in the relationship.

Edited

Yikes @ "gender equality bullshit" - figures that the posters with the most batshit takes on this situation also have batshit takes on more important matters

arethereanyleftatall · 01/08/2026 12:14

givemesteel · 01/08/2026 11:02

There's a big gulf between dressing up in lingerie hoping that he'll like it and getting rejected and thinking, ok well I'm not doing that again and literally never having sex with him again.

That's not weaponising sex that's just thinking, yeah that didn't work for me, I didn't enjoy that, which we all have a right to do, surely.

If what happened to the OP happened to me, no I wouldn't dress up for him again. But I'm lucky I'm not with a loser who priorities gaming over his relationship.

Show quote history

This way of thinking is just so wrong. It’s so main character energy, all about you, self absorbed kinda stuff. Your partner is a human being with his own wants, not just a player in your life. He is allowed to not feel like having sex at any particular moment. So if you turn up in lingerie because you feel like sex, and he isn’t up for it at that moment, he is allowed to say no. To say you’ll never wear lingerie again in that case is unbelievably childish, insecure and petulant.
but also the op must be quite a few years in to her relationship, that’s different from the first few years of heady shag at every opportunity stuff.

sammylady37 · 01/08/2026 16:05

givemesteel · 01/08/2026 11:02

There's a big gulf between dressing up in lingerie hoping that he'll like it and getting rejected and thinking, ok well I'm not doing that again and literally never having sex with him again.

That's not weaponising sex that's just thinking, yeah that didn't work for me, I didn't enjoy that, which we all have a right to do, surely.

If what happened to the OP happened to me, no I wouldn't dress up for him again. But I'm lucky I'm not with a loser who priorities gaming over his relationship.

Show quote history

Perhaps there is a big gulf between the two, if putting on lingerie is an unusual thing for the woman to do.

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