It’s a hen party one. Annoyed my DSis

[Lau226]

DSis is 7 years younger than me and I’ve agreed to go on her abroad hen weekend next month. Every detail has been planned by her MoH and there’s an in depth itinerary.

Last night, MoH put a message in the group to say for 2 of the events (a meal and a beach club) there will be consistent outfits required, one of these will be swimwear.

She is ordering the swimwear and put a poll in the group to ask people to record their size.

I take issue with this because 1. The swimwear in question is a thong bikini and 2. I find it embarrassing to share my size in front of the group (I am larger than them all, which is why I mentioned the age gap).

I privately messaged MoH to say I’ll bring my own swimwear which will also be white so it matches.

Dsis called me an hour later (she’s not in the group) - she said that I should just wear it for the photo at the start and then change straight out of it l, that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Am I being awkward here? I feel like it’s a lot to expect. Before anyone suggests it, I can’t cancel and I will be going on the hen, she’s my sister and it’s paid for.

crickey this sounds exceptionally tacky indeed.

Presumably there’s going to be other exceedingly tacky elements to this Hen do as well.

I don’t know of anybody at all who would do this. But then again all of my friends have decorum and know how to behave in an appropriate manner.

Good luck with it all. It sounds grim before you’ve even arrived.

Dsis basically said it’s par for the course.

It isn't. It really isn't. It's just her friendship group.

I was coming here to say this.

I was at a wedding last Saturday, two last year and two the year before.
Nobody suggested any such thing on the hen dos and if they had they'd have been put very straight by the other hens.

So then you’ll have en masse peer pressure about not “ruining the photo” because they can’t spell out the message if your arse isn’t in it, etc. which is much harder to stand up to in person than a conversation with just your sister.

I’d be putting a message on the group chat now “just to say I won’t be taking part in the group bum cheeks photo. Wanted to warn you in advance so that there’s no pressure put on me on the day. Thanks for your understanding”.

Par for the course?

In what circles?

Yep. And if they don't gracefully accept that, I simply wouldn't go. Dsis needs to act like a dear sister, or she has no right to complain when her sister opts out of this vulgar nonsense.

More power to them if they want to flash their bare arses in public. But it's not, in any way, the norm. Not yet, thank God 😆

@Lau226 remind 🦇💩 "D"Sis and her equally delusional MoH to pack a dictionary.
They'll need to spell a different message as your arse is not a billboard.
At this point, I would only pack shorts n t shirts, not even a swimsuit.

I don't think she realises how offensive she is being to insist on someone wearing a skimpy outfit like that. it's coercive

That said, she will likely be divorced in less than 5 years

After a few proseccos, I’d feel empowered to shriek ‘the fuck am I!’, at anyone that came within my reach with a white bikini.

Then you can be mortified the next day and blame the Prosecco for your language.

I’m really hoping OP will tell her sis her arse is not a billboard now… 😂

Yes, definitely put a message in the group chat.

So they're going to try and get you pissed and cajole you into this tacky and humiliating ordeal.

That's getting into very dodgy territory and since they are that hell-bent I wouldn't put it past them to spike you.

Your sister is not a nice person and neither is MoH. At this point I would be reconsidering going at all.

The more you post op the more tacky it sounds. Poor you 🥴

YANBU sounds awful.

Real life also tells you not to do it. If my friends told me they had this exact scenario I’d be losing my mind….big fat no.

I have changed my mind i would now show up in a little bo peep costume ready for the photo

Real life won't. Looks like the sister is here.

Do grow up.

This. It's just appalling to say to someone who has said no to a body violation that you'll get them pissed and see how they feel then.

If this was anybody but her sister she would be avoiding them at all costs.

Imagine MN exploding because little Jacinta's teacher is on a photo on line wearing a thong with her arse on display! The queue to see the Headteacher to complain about this terrible role model.

The your sis needs to rethink the type of friends she has if soft porn is 'par for the course' among them.

She said she’ll get MoH to order one for me anyway and I can ‘see how I feel on the day after a few prosecco’s’Tell her to order in some Bollinger as you don't drink the cheap stuff.

I can ‘see how I feel on the day after a few prosecco’s’

So your sister and friends think they'll get you drunk to go along with wearing something you don't want to wear. I think that's violating and abusive.

This is insane behaviour for adults in their 30s. They sound extremely problematic.

I wouldn't be going. It's honestly ok to refuse to put your bare ass on public display and have pictures of it on social media. It's ok to not consent to people who want you to do things you find inappropriate. Sister or not, that's stupid, childish shit they want to try to force you into against your will and you want no part of it.

Tell her anyone puts a hand on you to try to force this they'll be spitting teeth. They sound untrustworthy, to put it mildly.

You're going to have to guard your drinks too. Don't drink anything you don't order and get from the server, don't leave a drink unattended, be careful.

I'm starting to think you should swerve this altogether, OP. It sounds like they totally think they'll be able to bully you into this, and I can just see it panning out as you refusing and them scapegoating you forevermore as the person who 'ruined' their juvenile stunt. If you do go, as pp said, at least avoid all possibility of your drinks being spiked.

I'm inclined to agree with this. I wouldn't want to holiday with people I can't trust.

Oh man I simply would not go to this because I am stubborn and react badly to being told what to.

Or I would turn up in giant white bermuda shorts and a big white tshirt.