It’s a hen party one. Annoyed my DSis

[Lau226]

DSis is 7 years younger than me and I’ve agreed to go on her abroad hen weekend next month. Every detail has been planned by her MoH and there’s an in depth itinerary.

Last night, MoH put a message in the group to say for 2 of the events (a meal and a beach club) there will be consistent outfits required, one of these will be swimwear.

She is ordering the swimwear and put a poll in the group to ask people to record their size.

I take issue with this because 1. The swimwear in question is a thong bikini and 2. I find it embarrassing to share my size in front of the group (I am larger than them all, which is why I mentioned the age gap).

I privately messaged MoH to say I’ll bring my own swimwear which will also be white so it matches.

Dsis called me an hour later (she’s not in the group) - she said that I should just wear it for the photo at the start and then change straight out of it l, that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Am I being awkward here? I feel like it’s a lot to expect. Before anyone suggests it, I can’t cancel and I will be going on the hen, she’s my sister and it’s paid for.

Offer to take the photo, but I doubt you are the only one that feels this way.

I'd say yes, it is that bad.

If you're uncomfortable then why would you want to be in that photo? Why would you want that photo to exist?

It's not about size. It's about that photo existing, especially out of the OPs control. Who will see it? Where will it end up? It doesn't matter if you're size 6 & a professional model... If you don't want to be photographed on an outfit you're not comfortable in them you shouldn't be forced into it.

As others have pointed out of it was a man trying to force a women to be photographed in a skimpy outfit they were uncomfortable in, everyone would be up in arms. But as it's a women doing the forcing there's a proportion of society that sends to think it's acceptable

No fucking chance! I wouldn’t have worn a white bikini in my 20’s even before children and abdominal surgeries, let alone a thong - in public!!’ I’d be declining, I’d also not want to wear a potentially see through colour when it gets wet 🤯 and I certainly wouldn’t be paying for a bikini for a photograph only

that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching.

But there surely are other photos you can be in where you "match"?

I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Then I wouldn't go.

If it's going to be pressure to wear/do things that you don't want then there's no point.

She sounds very selfish & inconsiderate.

Does she even care about you & how you feel or has she lost sight of what's important?

It's a stupid request, what is the problem if everyone is wearing white, surely on the photo it will just show a large group in white bikinis. I am sure the superfit ones will pose at the front anyway.

Tell the MOH to stick her thong up her arse.

“Don’t agree to have the photo put online”

The only purpose for the photo is to put it online! They wouldn’t be bothering otherwise (yes it’s pathetic).

There are many professional bodies that will strike you off for public disrepute.

One might argue that having your arse out in a posed-for public photo (who knows how many of the hens will have public insta accounts, TikTok etc) is disrepute. Definitely not worth the risk, however small.

This is a very good point. It is the height of chavvy tackiness to need a hen do holiday with matching outfits and organised fun.

Yes sorry, but I agree. This is ultimate tackiness or lack of class.

Also, somewhat irrelevant but I've not seen many in real life look good in a white g-string bikini (and I've been living in a coastal australian town frequented by the wealthy/famous for two yrs now. Loads of very hot model types in g string swimwear but assume your sis and friends arent that)

Good point. In my previous profession, this wouldn’t have been acceptable. Very dodgy.

I understand it’s your personal opinion but as a reader it comes across you think OP should suck it up for the sake of her and her sisters relationship. Op wouldn’t be the one to damage the relationship her sister would be

It would be a flat no from me,

I would rather lose the money than be bullied into something like this

I have only just come to terms with the concept of gender reveals. And now I have to start understanding hen-do bum photos 🤯

Thank you! 🤣🤣🤣

My god, what has happened to the world when the desire for photos to look a certain way outweighs any consideration of your loved ones’ comfort or choice.

What have you decided to do @Lau226

I do hope you put in the chat that you will not be wearing a white bikini, let alone a thong, let alone buying something you'll never wear just to look 'matchhy' on a photograph, and telling the organiser not to get you one.

This is no doubt what others in the group will be feeling and you will be doing them all a favour.

Isn't it just unbelievable to expect anyone to get their arse out for the 'gram or they're being unreasonable? How did we get here?

When we accept an invitation to anything these days we should bear in mind that it's less an invitation to come along and have fun at a wedding hosted by our friends, or family members, or their parents.

No, it's more of a casting call for extras in the extravaganza production that is 'ALL ABOUT THEM and making everyone do exactly what they want.'

Of course a wedding should be all about the bride and groom, but the comfort and enjoyment of their guests should not be sidelined, nor should they be expected to fork out thousands for someone else's wildly OTT plans. You want it? You pay for it. Don't demand that bridesmaids all buy their own dresses and shoes and pay for their own make up and hair and then have the fucking cheek to tell them exactly how their make up and hair should be done, and what they can and can't wear. Same goes for hen nights. Sorry, hen weekends. When did anyone just have a simple hen night, since 2010?

There will be no pay for these extras with their strict dress codes, not even expenses. They will be expected to buy and wear what the bride demands, and if that colour doesn't suit them, or it means forking out for a whole new outfit they don't already own, tough. They should just pay up and be thankful to be included at all. If you don't you are a big old meanie and not a real friend.

If you can't or won't do it, that's fine, but you are not welcome. It's more important that everything in the photos looks matching and curated than actually having the most important people there. By the way, have you still not found three nights childcare for your two tiny children, (one of whom is still breast feeding) yet? How are you going to manage to get to Sicily and pay £750 for three nights' accommodation in the boutique hotel of our choice otherwise? Come on now, we went to a lot of effort to arrange this. Don't be mardy about it.

It’s awful isn’t it? I would hate to think my colleagues, clients, neighbours and whoever might see my arse plastered all over their social media. What is wrong with people these days? Why do grown women fall for and perpetuate this bullshit?

Awful. I think you should give your stupid sister an earful. Total lack of empathy. Wait til they all get spread. See how they like it.

That’s ridiculous, no way I would I wear that

Ive heard it all now. Matching swimwear? Really? What a lot of pressure on everyone.

Not at any age, fitness level or for any reason would I ever have shoved a shoelace up the crack of my arse and flashed my arse cheeks for a photo for strangers to look at, it's actually genuinely absurd that anyone thinks this demand is on the same planet as normal.

Yes, of course it's a hill to die on.

I guess those pretending otherwise are the sort who enjoy flashing their arse in public.

More power to them. It's pretty weird they don't get that many, if not most, actually don't want to do that.

and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Too bad.

Let her be gutted. "Sorry sis. The answer is still no. Please stop trying to guilt trip me into humiliating myself."

Put your big girl pants on (literally) and stand up for yourself.

Why do people make important events about the photos these days instead of the occasion itself? There will still be memories even without photographic evidence.

@Lau226 Nearly everyone on this thread agrees with you, so be brave and put your foot down, and please come back snd update.