It’s a hen party one. Annoyed my DSis

[Lau226]

DSis is 7 years younger than me and I’ve agreed to go on her abroad hen weekend next month. Every detail has been planned by her MoH and there’s an in depth itinerary.

Last night, MoH put a message in the group to say for 2 of the events (a meal and a beach club) there will be consistent outfits required, one of these will be swimwear.

She is ordering the swimwear and put a poll in the group to ask people to record their size.

I take issue with this because 1. The swimwear in question is a thong bikini and 2. I find it embarrassing to share my size in front of the group (I am larger than them all, which is why I mentioned the age gap).

I privately messaged MoH to say I’ll bring my own swimwear which will also be white so it matches.

Dsis called me an hour later (she’s not in the group) - she said that I should just wear it for the photo at the start and then change straight out of it l, that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Am I being awkward here? I feel like it’s a lot to expect. Before anyone suggests it, I can’t cancel and I will be going on the hen, she’s my sister and it’s paid for.

Yes, it does happen but it is unusual. People just can’t assume that if they put weight on after 40 it is due to ‘peri’.

Uniform white thong bikinis for a photo? Nasty!

How is this a thing that actual people do?? 'Oh, let's all get our bums out together for x's hen party, and take photos of them! It'll be so fun!'

I'd rather be nude than wear a thong bikini, because that's less sexually objectifying (although realistically, I'd wear a swimsuit and board shorts, and anyone who expected otherwise would be told a polite and repetitive 'no').

OP, just say that you don't want it to be awkward, but you're not going to wear a thong bikini, and certainly not going to be photographed in one. Be polite but firm, and focus on the fact that you just want to be there to celebrate with her. If she doesn't accept that, then you'll know she cares more about her (weird) hen party than you, and there's not much point going.

There is no way on god's green earth that I would allow myself to be photographed in a white thong bikini - and it's even worse if the rest of the party are younger and more lithe! Just say a very firm no to that one. They can live without you being in the picture!

I find it very odd that someone thinks they can buy bikinis for everyone. What about cup size. I’m a 12 but up top would struggle not to buy a cup size bikini. Totally bonkers.

How crass. Abroad hen dos are also a poor choice in my opinion for a whole host of reasons.

Getting your bum out in a thong photo and putting the pics on SM could be seen by some professional regulatory bodies as bringing the profession into disrepute.

In your 40s your hormones will not be helping you lose weight, that's for sure and as the normal age for menopause is between 45 and 55 then peri is likely.

It becomes a vicious circle. You find it hard to lose weight and your body conspires to keep the weight on you and make you even fatter. Being fat in itself makes you fatter as your hormones get out of kilter. BMI 26/27 is a tipping point for me, fortunately I was able to go back onto a low dose of GLP-1s again to sort it out and am already back in the 25s. Stress of course is a huge factor and a huge thing in your 40s for many people which causes cortisol and adrenaline shenanigans to happen, it's not all sex hormones.

Yes, that's certainly strange that a woman would do that. Also, sizes aren't standard. No-one is a "size 12" because it varies so much.

I understood what you meant @Lau226 The other poster has a point though - not everyone is getting bigger with age.

Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Could you wear a bikini skirt or little draped sarong over the thong?

And also endometriosis, fibroids and adenomyosis are not uncommon.

Yes bikinis are notoriously difficult. Even my young daughters who are both slim are very different cup sizes!

Yes, it's certainly an odd one, isn't it?

I wouldn't do it - nobody has any business telling another adult what they should and shouldn't wear. Getting married doesn't mean that your sister gets to dictate everything you do - she should appreciate your company, the effort (and expense) you are going to, to join her on her hen and stop behaving like a brat.
It's time someone sat her down and reminded her that other people have feelings and opinions and the right to feel comfortable - you are not an accessory, you are her sister!

order it one size too small. don't shave. stand front and centre. big cheesy grin. you've smashed it!

No.

Real life does not require people to wear things that make them uncomfortable for whatever reason, let alone be photographed in them.

Bad karma for those who push people into doing something that makes them uncomfortable.

This is bullying. Plain and simple.

No way would i expect to be told i had to put on a thong bikini in public and i wouldnt expect anyone else to put up with it either.

Deal breaker for me tbh. I wouldnt be going anywhere with people with those attitudes. This wont be the only uncomfortable situation of the holiday i guarentee you of that.

This

Or just not wear a thong in the first place?

It really, really, really isn't difficult to say no in a way that makes it sound like you mean it.

"Look sis, I know you want me to do this, but I will not, so please don't ask again or guilt trip me into doing so. The answer will always be no. However, I will take the pictures if you want me to"

Plan B: I don't usually advocate this but you could suddenly have a bout of the runs when they want to do the photos.

Why are you putting yourself through this abomination of an experience? Its like a school trip but run by the kind of women who refer to women as ladies. Fuck that. You must not attend, it us not normal!

Oh piss off

Your sister in law and her maid of honour are nuts and completely lost perspective!

I bet some of the other hens are having secret WhatsApp messages wondering how they can get out of it as well.

Yes.

I can confidently say that neither would appreciate a bum picture. Plus I wouldn't want clients seeing it either.

Plus it's unbelievably grim.

Just awful. I dread to think what the photo will look like anyway with a load of very uncomfortable women (because you won’t be the only one) wearing next to nothing and fake smiles. Seeing as this is clearly just for the photo, she can use AI to include you in the skimpy bikini.

Quite apart from this I’m staggered at the wastage. A massive pile of cheaply manufactured bikinis from somewhere awful like Shein (I assume) which will never be worn again all for a cheap photo opp. The planet is quite literally on fire and the bride needs to get a grip.