It’s a hen party one. Annoyed my DSis

[Lau226]

DSis is 7 years younger than me and I’ve agreed to go on her abroad hen weekend next month. Every detail has been planned by her MoH and there’s an in depth itinerary.

Last night, MoH put a message in the group to say for 2 of the events (a meal and a beach club) there will be consistent outfits required, one of these will be swimwear.

She is ordering the swimwear and put a poll in the group to ask people to record their size.

I take issue with this because 1. The swimwear in question is a thong bikini and 2. I find it embarrassing to share my size in front of the group (I am larger than them all, which is why I mentioned the age gap).

I privately messaged MoH to say I’ll bring my own swimwear which will also be white so it matches.

Dsis called me an hour later (she’s not in the group) - she said that I should just wear it for the photo at the start and then change straight out of it l, that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Am I being awkward here? I feel like it’s a lot to expect. Before anyone suggests it, I can’t cancel and I will be going on the hen, she’s my sister and it’s paid for.

Fuck that shit.

I spoke with Dsis again yesterday, she seems to be missing my point. She said all her friends know I’m older and have had children, so there won’t be any judgement from them at all.

It is for a photo op, she told me as at the last hen in their friendship group, they did similar with a message spelt out on everyone’s backsides 🙄

The MoH is paying for the bikini’s as she is bulk buying (from somewhere cheap no doubt)

I have told her I’m sticking to my position and not partaking.

Good for you! My bum missing from your photo won’t make you anything like as upset as seeing it in a thong bikini will make me!

I have told her I’m sticking to my position and not partaking.

How did she take that?

Do you trust that there will be no pressure/guilt tripping on the day?

Well done OP. Don't let them guilt trip you over this?

So DSis thinks she can happily assure you that there will be no judgement from her friends as to the state of the backsides displayed on view.
Ask her if she can say the same for the hundreds of strangers, male and female, who will see the photo posted on everybody else’s social media.

Yes, your sister is missing the point…..deliberately so.
She simply wants her own way.
She probably won’t have enough bum cheeks to spell out her message without you also bending over for the camera.

If I were reluctant before, I’d be even more so, now I know her tacky intention.

Good for you for reiterating a very firm no!

She said she’ll get MoH to order one for me anyway and I can ‘see how I feel on the day after a few prosecco’s’

Well that’s no good is it. Because then they will make you feel awkward on the day itself.

Have you considered not going at all if they are going to act like this?

Obviously, you told her no though.

This is going to be miserable for you. They are going to be laughing and going on at you, it’s mean girl 101. It’ll be like being in a middle aged American high school hazing ritual.
Be ill that day and stay in your room.

She thinks they can bully you into it on the day. They really have no respect for your boundaries.

@Lau226 knowing the photo will be posted on their socials for all to see would be enough for me to say absolutely not - nice arse or not!

If it wasn’t the digital age I’d probably do it.

I hope they don't expect you to pay for it. I would even pretend to be ill that day or disappear for a while if I had to. I am simply not prepared to be humiliated on SM over this and don't care about causing bad feeling over it. I wonder if you putting your foot down means that other hens might feel brave enough to do so as well?

No , MoH is paying for them all. I don’t think anyone else is bothered - they’ve done this sort of thing before. Dsis basically said it’s par for the course.

Take the precaution of getting Fuck Off henna'd onto your arse cheeks a couple of days before the trip. It should be good for any photo ruining opportunities throughout.

How awful OP. And shame on your sister to think she can bully / peer pressure you into it on the day. Do you think you will be able to withstand the pressure? Can you think of strategies now which will help you say no? Planning how you are going to react when calm can help you do it in stressful situations.

Dsis basically said it’s par for the course.

It isn't. It really isn't. It's just her friendship group.

Well done for sticking to your guns. I would be wary about them trying to add a little something to your drinks the day of the photoshoot.

Is your sister a child bride? Because there are no normal, adult women who do this kind of thing!

Obviously, it’s my age and friendship bubble but I don’t know anyone who would remotely dream of doing this. The thing that would bother me is the bullying aspect. Being forced or intimidated into crossing a boundary is bullying, especially when that boundary is about taking your clothes off. The ‘wait till you get there’ comment means they will be laughing and bullying you into doing it. Peer pressure and public shame.
You know your sister and we don’t but this sounds like the worst kind of girl bullying. It may be time to reevaluate who your sister is. She does not sound like a nice person to me.

So now you can’t relax and enjoy a couple of drinks for fear of being cajoled and bullied and threatened into their sleazey, laugh a minute fun.

I’d be telling DSis that it might be a good idea, if it’s par for the course to show off your rear end for the world to see on a hen do, to have a bit of originality and act with a bit of a decorum…see if that caches on for a change.

Let them all act like wannabe porno-star sheep if it pleases them but go back and firmly tell DSis that you will do your own thing on that afternoon so as not to spoil their pre-scripted ‘fun’.

What next?strippers and everyone joins in as us tradition?
Nuts..

It’s like those lad stag does when the stag does something awful with a stripper and everyone on MN goes ‘oh men they are awful’ well looks like OPs sister is putting in some competition.

I'd be warning her to count your arse out of any messages written on butt cheeks. Don't let them plan one-letter-per-cheek and then have that added pressure that you have to resist/ they have to get upset about. Keep being explicit about your (entirely justified!) refusal.
And maybe offer to take the photos as a goodwill gesture!!

I can't think of anything tackier than a photo of matching women, screeching about having their arses out.
All this vapid, for the "Gram stuff is such awful bollocks.
I'd cancel my presence OP, your sister obviously doesn't give a shit about you.

Dsis is very, very much mistaken.