To not understand the cost of living crisis?

[tiggerbouncy]

Fully prepared to be told I’m being tone deaf here.

Before I start I want to caveat this and say I live in the North and I am comparing to other Northerners, as I know the South is a bit of a different ball game.

I earn less than the national average salary. I have recently had my biggest ever pay rise which has put me on 25k for 35 hrs a week. My partner is on similar but has a lower hourly wage (works more hours though). In total our household income is approx 45-50k ish?

We own our home (via mortgage) and we paid for the deposit with no family help.

We go on at least one or two foreign holidays a year and frequently enjoy meals out and day trips to different places.

We have two cats (one of whom has needed very expensive vet treatment) and soil them rotten.

A lot of my peers constantly moan that the cost of living being so high is trapping them either at home with parents, renting, not being able to go on holidays etc etc. Basically, I’ve had a few comments recently about our lifestyle being really hard to achieve and how it’s unfair we enjoy so much.

I just think that we have put our money into things we enjoy (ie holidays) and obviously don’t have children. But I genuinely don’t find like difficult? If our washing machine breaks we buy a new one, if the car needs work we pay etc. We both saved from having full time jobs out of sixth form in order to fund out deposit (again, big bonus of being northern I know!) but our mortgage payments are easily manageable etc.

I’m not suggesting that the world has our circumstances, but a lot of my peers either earn more than me or the same and moan they can’t do anything!

AIBU to think it’s about how you prioritise life and that “cost of living” isn’t an excuse for just being poor with money?

Again, I’m not saying that a single mum in London with 5 kids has the same options or anything like that, I’m meaning in our specific situation. Lots of people moan we earn nothing but to me it feels like quite a lot!

I also see loads of people on here moaning their 100k salary doesn’t go far anymore and they’re missing out on things. If I made 100k I’d be planning to retire in about 5 years!!

There’s no mystery here. From what you posted, it seems you bought a relatively cheap house years ago and likely over a 25+ year term. Your monthly mortgage payment is probably in the £600 - £1K ball park. That’s why you and your partner have a lot of disposable income compared to your (also) child-free peers.

But the point the OP is making is regarding people in similar situations with no kids so I don’t know why everyone is getting so defensive.

You are right OP. We should all lower our expectations and aspirations. It’s just so hard. Why is that?

My 2 DDs both got their hair highlighted this week. Hope the washing machine doesn’t break down 🙄

Whereas when I was at school, I didn't get to go on the residentials because my parents preferred to spend their money on something else, like putting it into their pension or using it for the annual family holiday in a tent (which we didn't get every year). I'm not saying you shouldn't send your DC, just that it's a choice rather than something that has to be done.

I'm not picking on you particularly.

The poster with the inheritance trust is another prime example of being broke due to lifestyle choices. Again, no shade, we're all entitled to our choices. But complaining that they "can't afford" more than basic groceries and have to grow their own food and doesn't know how they'll survive...it's ridiculous. I know how they can survive. They can give less to charity, travel less and spend at least some of her inheritance instead of hoarding it like a status symbol whilst pleading poverty.

Why would people need a bigger home and consequently mortgage without kids? Unless it's keeping up with the Joneses.

That's part of the reason I'm mortgage free and have been since mid 4ps

Yes I was able to but more cheaply but I worked full time from 16 and bought at 21. Where others are spunking their money on nights out etc. And I didn't keep on biting bigger more expensive properties. If I had id still be lumbered with mortgage

This from another poster is a big reason too. Leaving school and working from 16 used to be the norm. If you were working you could save. For a wedding, startup costs for a baby, a deposit on a home. At 25 you'd have been living like an adult for a decade already, feeling like an adult and wanting a more adult lifestyle than just living with parents. You'd probably also have met a suitable partner. So you'd buy somewhere and move out of your cheap grotty shared rental (another thing accepted as totally normal), or you'd rent somewhere nice on two incomes if you lived somewhere where buying was out of the question. A lot of people were more pragmatic and would just move further away from where they grew up to afford to buy something. If that meant a 2hr commute on the fast train to work then so be it.
Now you've got the norm being to do A-levels, have a gap year, go to university, perhaps do a masters too and enter the world of work at around 24 with no savings, a shit load of debt, an inflated sense of their own importance and sense of entitlement that they "deserve" good wages because they've "worked hard" (as if nobody else has!) and a deeply felt resentment at having to budget at all. These young people also feel the need for a more adult lifestyle than just living with parents the same as we all used to - but not having been working full time for almost the past decade, they often can't afford it. And in many cases have got used to living it already using their student loans/family wealth/part time job to live off and basically have fun for a few years, with no thoughts of saving at all. Instead of being in a strong position to start life proper, they're taking whet feels like a huge step back by moving back in with parents and complaining about not being able to afford to live their desired lifestyle.
Then constantly buying a bigger and bigger house through adulthood, forever stretching themselves financially so always feeling somewhat broke, buying in better area or with more amenities etc, usually saying "it's an investment", but then being unwilling to ever downsize it. Choosing to remain living in a property they can't afford to run or maintain as they get older and complaining about cost of living.

Throw 2 kids in the mix and you'd be skint. Simple as that.

Some people are having a COL crisis and some are not.

Bruno Mars last night at Wembley - all food outlets packed out. Def no COL there - find the same in central London too - plenty of spending going on for those that have it. Obvs those that are struggling we don't see as they don't go out!

Throw one in and they’d be skint.

It's not hard to understand. Prices have risen faster than wages. So in the same job, living the same lifestyle, what someone could easily afford a few years ago is harder to afford now. Applies to parents and non-parents.

We went through a period of relative affluence before covid and people got used to it. That has ended and many are struggling to adapt
Saving a deposit today means several years living at home, not going anywhere expensive, not eating out, driving a cheap third hand car or taking the bus, and taking a packed lunch to work.
It's difficult but it can be done, even in the south.

The above used to be considered a normal kind of life for someone starting out who hadn't yet bought a home, not some kind of sacrifice or poverty-stricken lifestyle. They'd then continue with that quality of life whilst raising children, not feeling the benefit of wage rises (or the second wage if one parent stayed home to avoid childcare costs) really until their own children left home, which they did much younger usually by the time they were 20 at the most.

I really think people's expectations these days plays a large part in how disadvantaged they feel.

Sure, the costs of things have risen faster than wages, that's true. And the rich will always be the rich and able to ride out anything unscathed. But it is what it is and bitching about it won't change it. We have to get on with it and make it work somehow.

Does complaining about things actually make anyone feel better? Seems to me it just breeds more misery and keeps people stuck in a cycle of negativity.

Those are not compulsary though and most kids won't go

The op has not been that goady. Lots have replied super defensively.

As others have remarked on this thread not everyone feels the col crisis.

The op clearly said about them and their friends and the op said they have no kids.
Cue loads with kids jumping up and down. Go back and reread the op.

Ask yourself why you are so defensive, you may be struggling with col or you may be crap with budgeting or just making budgeting choices and having priorities like the rest of us.

Also this thread really illustrates why those under 35 and choosing to have no kids are on to a good thing. I am happy to have no grandkids to come. If I was in this generation, I also would not have chosen to have kids.

At this point in history, societal pressure to have kids in many ways has loosened and thank goodness. Even in more conservative cultures and countries.

Many countries see it as a crisis instead of as a turning point to seek better equality for women and better options so that having kids did not disadvantage them so much.

Its always said on here, don't have kids if you can't afford them and thank goodness that vast amounts of the younger generation would rather go on holiday than have kids.

Governments around the world get startled and start policies but never look at the real problems of affordable housing, wage and job depreciation after having kids, lower wages and two incomes needed for younger generations as opposed to past generations, maternity healthcare policies etc all putting off the younger generations. As played out in Australia, Canada, France, UK, Germany, Hungary, China, Japan, South Korea etc.

But back to the op, she has a point that the cost of living crisis does not affect everyone in the same way or put them into crisis. Some have said on this thread, that even on a low income they are not that affected.

Housing crisis, economy and job creation, childcare costs, care for elderly, disabled etc may all still need looking at but that doesn't mean that two things can't be true at once simply that the col crisis does not affect the op and some others, up and down the country.

Do you know how abused the average mammal has to be to not want offspring? Your opinion that it’s best for women to now not have children does not come from a good place

I don't think that women should not have children.

But that also means they have a choice not to have them, along with men and what's wrong with that choice. It's 2026, mammals and all, if you don't want children then so be it.

I think it's a good thing that some men and women no longer feel the need to have children to live happy lives.

Some will still want children, but some pressures, ie cultural, religious etc have lessened and people think more about how they want their lives to be with and without children.

Fortunately we are a little more sophisticated than the ‘average mammal’.

Do you think we are slaves to our primitive biological urges and are incapable of making a rational decision that children aren’t what we want without having been abused?

100 kids from the same year group went on the Canada trip and 40 then 50 on the two American trips. Kids want to go, majority of their friends are going, so if you can just about scrape the money together then there really isn’t that much choice.

Whereas where I live I don’t think there was ever a 4k trip that my sons could go on.
Ski trips and other cultural ones for about 2k maybe, but about 10% went.
If you don’t have the £ there is no choice to make.
I don’t think 4k optional school trips are included in living essentials!

Where in Manchester are they paying 600k for a mid terrace? It must be a three bed or above and even in the most desirable places like Chorlton and Didsbury, three bed terraces (very nicely done up!) are mostly under 550k. There are huge numbers of areas in Manchester that are well connected to central jobs and you don't need to pay nearly that amount. It's definitely a choice.

Well it must be a state school in a very affluent area for do many parents to afford that.

Then I assume if you cannot afford children though. You choose not to have them?

This sends me crazy, the 30 hours a week free that people claim that people get: when full time in nursery. My son would have been 50 hours a week. And yeah, it’s only funded term time only

Completely agree. I live in one of the nice areas of South Manchester and even there mid-terrace properties are not going for £600k, or anywhere near it. In fact our 3 bed semi cost less than that a couple of years ago.

The only places where a mid-terrace might cost that kind of money are places like Hale and Bowden, but they aren’t Manchester, and there are plenty of perfectly nice, well connected areas where you can get a mid terrace for £250-350k.

Exactly. It's a choice, an optional extra not an essential. As the parent you're the adult and make your financial decisions for your family, not your DC.

This is why I have no sympathy with people who are "broke" because the vast vast majority of them have put themselves into that situation through their lifestyle choices (which is fine, just don't then complain about it). I did the same but I was happy with my choices and only ever told people I was broke in the context of telling them why I couldn't go do xyz with them, "sorry, I can't afford it", that's all.

Some of the biggest moaners I've met are those who previously (and some continue to) put things on credit cards and take out loans and finance agreements so they can live beyond their means, so a significant proportion of their income is taken up with debt repayments, but they never acknowledge this it's always "cost of living" why they're broke rather than being a consequence of their own life choices.