Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

How do the disgusting sexist pigs rein it in at work and in front of their kids, and what type of woman actively chooses to marry one of them and have sex with them? The thought makes my skin crawl. The mask must slip.

They don’t. Many workplaces don’t care and many women don’t find it problematic.

Most people are perfectly capable of acting respectfully in their day to day life. Sometimes they get pissed in certain situations and act less appropriately.

It isn’t like men are going round constantly trying to stop themselves saying things (or even constantly thinking about these things). People just go over the top sometimes.

Does your ‘skin crawl’ every time you are speaking to a man in case he’s just reining in his apparent inner misogynist?

@Molsmol8

Have you made it clear yet that you won't tolerate this at your own wedding, and what was the reaction?

Does your ‘skin crawl’ every time you are speaking to a man in case he’s just reining in his apparent inner misogynist?

@Anarchy99 No. Do you often say such ridiculous things?

I was out with some friends and went to buy drinks. There were two couples in their 60s and one of the men made a remark about my "rack" in earshot of his wife and the other couple. I called him out on it but they all just smirked.

I mentioned it to one of the staff members who I know who said "That's Mike, he's just a twat".

I'm pretty easy going about being called 'love', men opening doors for me, not swearing in front of me. What some might call mild sexism.

I would not, however, be easy going about derogatory comments about Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hut.
That tells you everything you need to know about a man.
That that's a man who hates women.

Ugh. I’m no prude but you can make a funny best man speech without being that vulgar! That would give me the ick.

I'd take my kids out if someone started talking about strapons at a wedding. Just awful.

If you think that making jokes about Vicky Pollard is some kind of ‘tell’ that someone is a misogynist then that’s not the case.

Some of the most amazing (and safe!) men I have known have had a slightly dodgy sense of humour. Whereas I have known people who are very respectful on the outside but have been quite dangerous and disrespectful.

I actually have issues with men who think that they shouldn’t swear around women because they also think women shouldn’t swear.

I don’t want to be treated as some gentle little flower!

Good for you for saying something! Mike's comment was vile. Shocking that some people think it's okay for him to say things like this. Smirking at you. Absolute jerks!

Yeah, bit much.....

I think that if I had been the bride and someone gave a 'speech' like that at my wedding, I would have told them to sit down and shut up or I would punch them! Apart from the lavatorial content, it was misogynistic and disrespectful. God knows what everyone was really thinking especially the parents of the couple. Run!

No, but there is a time and a place and though a best man's speech should be a gentle roast this was just all out vulgarity!

There were children there and he thought this was acceptable??!!
I don’t know where to start with this.

YANBU
Vulgar and chavvy
Yuk

Red flags aside; his mate said he's going to "struggle to top that", meaning potentially at your wedding. That would be enough for me to nope the hell out. It's a wedding, not a Chubby Brown gig. LTB.

Chubby Brown. Don’t mind a bit of rude humour but he’s just grim, isn’t he?

I would instantly dump someone who did this. Rank and classless behaviour. You can make people laugh without being so gross.

That sounds incredibly immature.

I don't know that they always do rein it in. As for what type of woman would be interested in a man like this? Great question! Not me, that's for sure, but potentially OP I guess, given that she's still with him.

I had a friend whose husband could become very crude in social settings. We withdrew from the friendship because he would just dominate dinner parties etc with really vulgar stuff which just turned people’s stomachs. It was sad - he was bi-polar and had other problems too, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t tone it down and lost a few friends as time went by.

That's so yuk and embarrassing. I wouldn't have laughed.

It seems pretty low class/tasteless imo. I wouldn't be happy with him at all.