Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

People will say “Oh it’s banter” well unfortunately for people who think this clearly have a low IQ. You can have a laugh and humiliate your pals without insulting other women and the gay community 😂😂😂 it’s a big ick from me tbh

I think it’s a disgusting speech. For me, the ‘Jabba The Hut / Vicky Pollard’ comment shows his disdain for women. So women are only to be spoken about positively if they look a certain way? I wouldn’t want a man like that. That said. I think that many men are like this even if it’s usually in secret. He’s done you a favour by showing you now before you’re married or have a daughter (maybe). I think many of those guests will have laughed as a show because societal norms dictate that we laugh at a best man’s speech (how many people laugh at the theatre as a joke that is clearly not funny for example) alcohol will have also played a part. I would put money on many people thinking it wasn’t right but they’re not exactly going to stand up at a wedding and say that. I would have said ‘gross’ out loud so it’s a shame I wasn’t there. Remember, just because someone else is okay with something, doesn’t mean you have to be. It’s taken me many years to realise that and it’s given me a lot of peace.

A man who talks like that with/to his friends is also one that finds male banter perfectly acceptable. Do you want him bantering about women like that when you're not around? Because I bet that he does. I personally wouldn't be ok with it.

As for the content. The "highlights" are quite vulgar. The strap on and big cock comments are particularly below the bar and the latter could have been eluded to in a cleverer and much less vulgar way.

Not good when granny and auntie ethel are there. Too crude for a wedding. Stag night, fair enough but not wedding.
Inappropriate
YANBU

No need,
no need to be condescending, it would be a boring old world if everyone was the same.
what’s distasteful for you doesn’t place you automatically on a higher horse, just a different horse in a different group.

No actually thee world would be a more pleasant place without crude, ill mannered oafs like the OP's boyfriend in it.

The lame but deeply misogynistic first comment about the former girlfriend was enough on its own, without the rest. He's the type of person that makes your heart sink if you're stuck on a train with them.

For me, the ‘Jabba The Hut / Vicky Pollard’ comment shows his disdain for women.

Indeed. And if he's comfortable with saying that out loud at a wedding what the hell is he saying when it's just him and his mates?

And how outdated is Vicky Pollard as a reference?! Even I know Little Britain died a long time ago.

I agree.
This isn't a form of what people may think of as mild sexism like calling a woman 'love' - which I can live with and usually just an aspect of the person's speech, this is deep misogyny.

Why refer to his ex's at all?
The idiot probably felt he was complimenting the bride.
What a prat.

Any man who talks like that about a woman is bad news.

The whole speech just sounds revolting really, I’d be so disappointed.

What are you going to do OP?

Hear, hear! Unacceptable in any group, anywhere.

It’s not unacceptable in every group everywhere 🙄

That's what I think. I couldn't be with someone who behaved like that.

Maybe not at a stag do but unacceptable at a family occasion and particularly a wedding.

'Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?'

Yes it was. Most definitely.

What are you going to do?

True. The world seems to be plagued by idiots at the moment. And their simpering enablers.

I remember the best best man speech I ever heard was given by a really quiet friend we were worried for, tons of sincerity and a nicely placed take joke about the groom being nervous meeting the parents so accepting all the tea and sandwiches they offered even though he’d had a huge meal. The dad, who was very stern looking, guffawed and the whole place laughed along. Save the smutty crap for the stag party!!!

I think those things being hinted at with a wink and a nudge maybe (e.g. "I've no idea how he has managed to attract such an amazing bride, maybe she knows something we don't") but saying the words "huge cock" and "strap on" at a wedding, with grandma and her dad and all those other people there. Man alive! I think BM speeches are bit risqué in a tongue in cheek way, but I would not expect it to ever be quite so explicit or graphic personally!!! Where there any kids there!?! It's a pass for me. Also do not marry this man, if this is par for the course then his mates speech at your wedding will be similar and your nan and parents will have to sit through it (as well as you and your friends!)

OP, after hearing his speech, I would have been so embarrassed that I would have started referring to him as my ex-boyfriend at the wedding.

Absolute no from me. I would have been disgusted if I was the bride. My husband gave a best man speach recently and spoke about what a great person the groom was, the grooms parents were so proud and the bride beamed. I don't find this sort of banter funny at a wedding though.

I know the aim is to embarrass the groom but this seems a but far in front of family.

The groom is on away on the honeymoon currently but has told DP that both he and his new wife loved it and he will struggle to top that if/when he ever gets the chance to return the favour.

Oh my! What kind of friends does your boyfriend hang out with? So it's not just your boyfriend who's like this, it's his friends too. The "ick" factor is next level now.

The funny thing is they are all in respectable jobs etc, some are family men. You really wouldn’t have known from the speech and how they were cheering away.

Big no from me, not classy at a family event and not even funny