To wonder if my DIL is a gold digger?

[practicalorparanoid]

My son (28) got married recently. His father, who sadly passed away, and I had built a successful business, so there is significant family wealth involved.

As a wedding gift, I bought my son and DIL a lovely 3 bedroom flat in central London (they gave me a shortlist of 3, then we picked out altogether) so they’d never have to worry about housing, but I kept it in my name. My son also works in the family business, but he doesn’t own any shares in it. He earns a perfectly decent salary (around £50k), although the business could obviously afford to pay him much more if we wanted. The company ownership and the wider family assets are all structured so they stay within the bloodline and can’t be lost in the event of a divorce. Hopefully one day they’ll pass to his children.

I’ve genuinely tried to be a good MIL. I have only ever been complimentary to DIL, I don’t give unsolicited advice, and despite technically owning the flat they live in, I’d never dream of letting myself in or turning up unannounced. As far as I’m concerned, it’s their home.

My son was completely on board with all of this. He was happy to sign a prenup because he felt that if someone genuinely loved him, sensible financial protections shouldn’t be an issue.

The problem is that my DIL seems increasingly unhappy with the arrangements. She’s commented that the flat “isn’t really theirs”, questioned why my son doesn’t own shares in the company, and has said that if he had more access to the family money they could have had more domestic help (they already have a cleaner coming once a week), live a more relaxed lifestyle and she’d be able to stop working and become a SAHM once they have children.

That, to me, is where alarm bells start ringing. They’re living rent-free in a beautiful home that I bought for them, my son has a stable career, and they’re comfortable. Yet the focus seems to be on why they don’t have access to more.

I’m not accusing her of anything outright, but it’s hard not to wonder whether she’s more interested in the wealth than in my son when the main complaints are about not having access to assets that were never intended to be marital property in the first place.

Sorry ! Per year !

I’m sure many others have said this, but you didn’t buy them a flat, you bought yourself a flat and let them live there. Not sure how she’s a ‘gold digger’ when your son earns £50k. Get over yourself.

Seems like a good way to lose masses of cash to inheritance tax to keep everything in your name

This is all actually quite sinister, made more so by the OP’s apparent lack of awareness of the mess she is creating
Yes poor little babies who are victims of a nasty MIL buying a lovely property for them to live rent free. It's so unfair to be tied up to this arrangement because they couldn't possibly consider saving the money to buy their own place. Poor poor DIL who might have to revisit her dream of being a sahm whilst owning a beautiful house with the security that without ever working, she could just get half of.

Life is so unfair!

This too. He doesn’t actually have any assets or gold for her to dig. You have it all

I wonder how happy the OP would be if her DS and DIL decided to take advantage of this situation.

How about they rent the flat out at market rate and take the cash to fund a mortgage for a smaller house elsewhere. Say another part of the country where the income might just be enough to cover a bigger place or have some left over.

Why would he 'lose' half of it? He gave it to his daughter, so already has 'lost' all of it - what she chooses to do with it once its hers is surely her problem? You don't retain ownership of something you gift to somebody.

What risk?! Maybe the risk that he gets to keep everything he has whilst also taking half of anything she accumulates. OP is saying she could buy her own place with the money shes saving, except he could take half of that, couldnt he? So that fucking risk.

This too. He doesn’t actually have any assets or gold for her to dig. You have it all
Hence her moaning about how unfair it is. Sounds like she didn't plan for OP being savvy!

But clearly DIL would like those assets hence OP post.

Her other kids made good use of the same arrangement. DIL could follow daugher of OP footsteps.

What risk?! Maybe the risk that he gets to keep everything he has whilst also taking half of anything she accumulates
Everything HE has? He has nothing like his wife BOTH are perfectly free to do like his dad and mum and build a very successful business.

Gosh, we get many threads about posters eyeing their elderly parents money but already counting your parents fortune at 28, that's another low!

If it’s their flat, you’d be fine with them deciding to let it out, whilst they rent/buy elsewhere?

Then let her crack on and buy an investment property, make her own money. Nothing stopping her. And I’m sure she’d love to be a stay at home mum, being kept for free.

What did the pre-nup cover OP, and why were you involved in it?

@Retrolady13

DS works in the marketing department of the business. He earns around £50k, which is a perfectly fair salary for someone his age and experience. Could the business afford to pay him more? Of course. But he’s paid for the role he does, not because he’s my son.

My other son actually earns more than the son in the post, but he does a more complex role and actually gets paid less than his predecessor (the predecessor was not family but had more experience). They’ll both get pay rises as their experience grows, if they add more value to the business, get promoted etc.

He’s on a really low salary considering the family wealth and business. It does feel like you’re holding him to ransom and dependent on you.

Why was there a pre-nup then?

Yanbu OP. You have provided a lovely cushioned life for them. Now they need to figure out how to get the rest themselves. Wanting more from you or the company isn't the way to go. She could suggest ways for them to become more financially stable and independant if she wants more.
They don't have to pay rent or a mortgage so are saving loads there already to save on whatever they want for themselves.

Totally agree

Absolutely. That’s what my daughter and her husband do.

I wouldn't worry about that - I'm sure the OP has already got the links for paternity testing of any future progeny saved on her laptop and won't engage with the grandchild until she is satisfied that it carries her precious DNA.

It’s a good thing to pay him the market rate

It's the in-laws' gold she's trying to dig

Most 28 yr olds in London have housing costs, the OPs son & dil are in the fortunate position to divert those savings into other investment vehicles. I’m not sure why some see this as abusive!

Do people not understand the value of a 3 bed rent free flat in Central London?

Obviously, it is very area dependent, but I would guess at least 40k per annum, up to an awful lot more.

If they can’t save on both their salaries with that, they have a problem.

I do think OP’s language is a bit strange as she has gifted them the rent on a lovely flat, not the flat itself.

The slight problem, though, is there is little incentive for the son to save as he is already financially secure, whereas the DIL isn’t. So that could create tension.

The OP’s son needs to make sure that they have money of their own by saving and making sure his earnings increase. Those sound low for a family member. Leaving money in the business doesn’t work for the DIL if anything goes wrong with the marriage.

It’s a tricky set up, but they are still a lot better off than 99% of young couples today.